Dash of Sass: Hindsight is 20/20

You didnHindsight‘t know. 
You trusted, and you loved, and you assumed the best of someone…and that is never wrong. 
You took a shot on love or on friendship…and that is always brave.
You believed that the other person would treat you with the same dignity and respect with which you treated them…and that is noble.
You didn’t know. You didn’t know they weren’t capable of loving you back. You didn’t know they weren’t trustworthy. You didn’t know they didn’t have the capacity or the character to handle your heart with the same care with which you handled theirs.
You didn’t know. You didn’t have all the information that you have now. If you did, you might have chosen differently…and the truth is, sometimes in life and in love it takes standing too close to the fire to learn how not to get burned.
So forgive yourself for not making different choices. Because good choices make you happy but bad choices make you better and stronger. Keep being the brave, trusting person that you are…because someday the right person will love you for it instead of exploit you for it. 
You didn’t know. Forgive yourself for not knowing. 
Forgive them for what they did. 
And let it go…armed with the beautiful knowledge that comes from going out on a limb, regardless of whether you fall or fly. 
Next time will be better.

44 Responses to “ Dash of Sass: Hindsight is 20/20 ”

  1. Natalia Chez
    June 8, 2015

    So appropriate at this moments very inspiring 🙂

    • Myles
      June 12, 2015

      Thank you for this beautiful and inspiring post. I used to think that I am stupid for trusting and loving the wrong person. In the end, it teaches me a great lesson in my life. Keep sharing to touch others life.

  2. June 8, 2015

    Just what I needed…..Thank You!

  3. Tori7912
    June 9, 2015

    Thank you so much for this; it brought tears to my eyes. I have trusted and gotten hurt and sometimes it is difficult for me to trust and take a chance again. In fact, right now a friend of mine has approached me and said that he has feelings for me and I am scared to try and take it to the next level. He is also scared and careful because he has been hurt. But I can’t help that think if both of us don’t open up and aren’t willing to make ourselves vulnerable then we will never find out if this could be something real. I am scared to try but I am willing, I don’t know about him though.

  4. Leslie
    June 9, 2015

    This is happen to me right now. He left me, after i’m giving all my world to him… i’m stupid

    • krissy
      June 9, 2015

      Leslie,You are not stupid.You trusted and put your hope in another person and got disappointed.Our hope should be in God alone because people will always disappoint us.The best thing you can do for yourself is to forgive him,forgive yourself and move on,it will get better. Everyone has gone through this at some point and it’s easy to compare and say “oh I Gave up a lot more” but the underlying message is this,it’s best to walk away when someone doesn’t appreciate you.Disappointment hurts no matter how or who let us down.
      I Gave so much to someone,I was the only one helping him through a very hard time,we were in grad school and he was failing, when everyone told him to give up I encouraged him,believed in him and prayed with him everyday for weeks.When he needed me I was there no matter the consequences for me and he gave me attention(calls,messages,spending time,opening doors,giving me little gifts)Once he got through he dropped me.I found out he passed through someone else,he even had a party and didn’t invite me,his excuse was I wasn’t at my desk!He wasn’t returning my calls or messages,I couldn’t believe it,even asked him about it and got an insulting,humiliating public speech of being too sensitive and how I need to grow thicker skin.I pulled back a little but still tried to remain friends but got treated so bad.I was literally chasing him down to talk to him, say hello etc.Long story short, someone complained about him and I defended him and later went to get his side of the story and got insulted,cursed out,yelled at by him.I felt so stupid and was so upset, but it gave me strength to let him go.I deleted his number so I wouldn’t call or text him and I haven’t heard from him since. You aren’t the only one going through this,it gets easier I promise but you have to let go,release that person to God and move on with your life.Forgive yourself for trusting.You are not stupid.A lot of amazing people and opportunities await you,don’t be fixated on one person who doesn’t appreciate you.God bless!

    • Helen
      June 9, 2015

      @Leslie. It is him. It is his failure to appreciate what he had. He will have to look back and face himself. I bumped into my first ex fiance. A year or 2 after we split up.
      There he was with someone new.
      I left the venue early. She assumed I was jealous. I left before I let her know he drove off in the car I bought him which I was still paying the loan off on when I bumped into them.
      I had too much class to get into a stand up argument in Public. So I went home.
      H x

  5. June 9, 2015

    This very thing happened to me the same man i loved in my 20s left after the i love u and came back 32yrs later saying it again i belived him with my soul i wanted him more than i wanted to breathe i gave my heart without question he did it agaiin but i learnt this time but those words you wrote thank you i needed that i felt that there was something wrong in me i want to really read that book and the single girl one

  6. Tina
    June 9, 2015

    True.i am just from a relationship where a man just told me that “I am sharing u so what”.i am too precious to be shared.i am a prize that must be won as I don’t like competition

  7. Merisha
    June 9, 2015

    Good words to make someone feel better and squash those “if only” and “what if” scenarios…

    June 9, 2015

    oh ,Mandy ,you have NOOOO idea how on time this is for me .I have just gotton over having a bad meltdown from new relationship that I thought was ‘GREAT” thought that person felt the same ,turns out ,not so much .I have had a roller coaster ride of emotions .happy ,blessed ,glad ,sad ,hurt ,heartbreak etc… it really took me by surprise and felt it was my fault for putting myself out there yet one more time.I feel G-d just doesnt want me to be happy with someone .I know his a jealious G-d ,but have questions ,can I not love G-d and someone else too ??? in really bad way mentally right now and trying to find my way back .thank you so so much for sharing this .my scripture this morning was Psalms 30:5 weeping may come in the night ,but joy comes in the morning ,I have to believe G-d knew something I didnt and he has a greater plan. trying to wrap my mind around that right now .prayers needed .as I am done I think trying to find love and happiness with a person. just gotta love G-d and forget it .

  9. Helen
    June 9, 2015

    G-d can do one. I am 49 now and have been let down by every man I ever met. Including my ex husband with whom I have a beautiful bright son I raise alone without Child Support. It comes down to low self-esteem. They can smell it on us. Join Meetup. Com get out there and get a life. Make new friends. Then at least you have a social life. Good Luck to all the lovely Ladies on her!

    • July 12, 2015

      Helen! You are in the same boat I am! I’m 46, have a thirteen year old son and haven’t gotten child support in years. I just discovered meetup.com after a breakup with a boyfriend (I’ve been divorced over five years) and I completely agree with your advice. There are so many other relationships we can develop and improve with family and friends instead of focusing on a man who doesn’t appreciate or value us.

  10. Adrianne
    June 9, 2015

    Thank you for posting this…. This was what I needed… Thank you, thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

  11. Ashley
    June 9, 2015

    Absolutely love this!! Years and all! Needed this!

  12. yolanda wilson
    June 9, 2015

    Thank you so much for sharing. The first time I read this I only related it to love interests, but I realize it applies for attempting to make new friendships too. I finally got it and only had to read it twice.

  13. krissy
    June 9, 2015

    Very true.Thank you.

  14. Kittz
    June 9, 2015

    This has never rung so true or touched me to my core especially after what I went through to get to where I am today!!! A single mom who was betrayed by someone I trusted and loved wholeheartedly! I love my son he is the absolute apple of my eye and is the reason I am who I am and I am as strong as I am… I learnt from my mistake and I came out stronger and am happy doing what I want!
    Thank you for this amazing post!!!

  15. Chantal
    June 9, 2015

    This is just for me! Two people that I trusted and loved so much betrayed me. But I let go and moved on. Forgave them and here I am, more wiser. It took time to let go and forgive myself. Oh dear….Can’t believe how far I have come! Thanks for sharing

  16. Melissa
    June 9, 2015

    Thank you Mandy! Beautiful and helpful. This sums up my situation exactly right now. I hope that if painful emotions or hurt feelings inspired this writing in any way, that you will know that you are loved and appreciated by the right people in your life. We single ladies know so many of the same struggles. Thanks again!

  17. Sue
    June 9, 2015

    Wow! We women love so hard. So hard it takes us into blindness. I struggle with the “deliberate” aspect of deception. I believed he loved me but what I failed to realize it was just not enough. Thank you for your insight and honesty.

  18. burnt before
    June 9, 2015

    Hi Mandy. Thanks so much. Your words just painted colourful pictures of resolution and healing all over my soul. Love from South Africa. Jana

  19. Suzanne
    June 9, 2015

    Thank you! Couldn’t have been more perfect timing on this!

  20. Griselda
    June 9, 2015

    Wow thank you so much I really needed this!!to truly love is to have the courage to walk away and let the other person who wishes to be free go…no matter how much it hurts!

  21. ended a friendship too many times
    June 10, 2015

    How do you know what to write at the time… Wow! I have had to explain to a past friend why we can’t be friends, besides the fact he is engaged and it is completely inappropriate for us to pick up again. She should be his best friend… Not some ex-girlfriend. I have ended that relationship 4 times, time to stop burning myself.

  22. Chrissy
    June 12, 2015

    So I find myself in such a painful similar situation that I was in 12 years ago. Such a rough journey sometimes. I really needed this right now. Thank you.

  23. Lyss
    June 12, 2015

    I would be lost without my dash of sass. <3

  24. Lauree
    June 12, 2015

    Thanks so much.

  25. AYO.
    June 13, 2015

    I’ve read this blog for days since it was posted. This has been very helpful. God Almighty continue to enlarge you!

  26. Amanda
    June 14, 2015

    Sometimes I feel like I’m on the Yellow Brick Road….meeting friends, hoping to meet the Wizard (The One). This post helped me to realize that sometimes it takes some wrong turns to get to the right destination.

  27. Zinnia Graham
    June 15, 2015

    Thank you so much for this inspiration, I have trusted other people with my heart and have not been given the same in return. Your book has truly open my eyes and brought tears to my eyes of the goodness of our Lord and His Love for us. It brought tears to my eyes to hear your journey because i felt like your journey was my journey as well. I have experience and is still batting with anxiety. It open my eyes that I too can have my happy ending and it might not be what i imagine years ago or yesterday but I know if I keep trusting in the Lord and in myself that every thing will be ok. So again thank sooo much for positivity and encouragement.

  28. June 15, 2015

    I’ve written something about my own personal story with learning to forgive myself, This was a great reminder to give myself a break. <3

  29. Jones
    June 15, 2015

    I really appreciate this, Going through issues right now.. I feel so alone, unwanted, at this moment. I don’t understand how men stare you in the face, say they love you, they won’t hurt you, they want you, they need you, or even say they messed up, just to show you the exact opposite. They continue to lie, cheat, abuse, take kindness for weakness. Then when you confront them they treat you like they never said they loved you. They convince you that they will change, you try to believe them, and they hurt, and disrespect you all over again. The cycle has to stop. I don’t know what to do, I’m weak, I hate it, I know he is not right for me, but I stay… I hope he changes but, Deep down I know he won’t. I don’t think even leaving him will he realize I was good to him.

  30. Renee
    June 16, 2015

    I’m really not understanding how a man who you loved with all you had can be so mean and heartless! Thankyou for this.

  31. June 16, 2015

    Encouraging words in deed.his sister in law just revealed the truth that he is still married. And what irritates me is that he still called and still refused to be married. Why must this man be like this.yes not all man are like that however why does a man has to lie to get through to u.its so totally wrong. Behind the sweetness I saw in him was all lies.why?why? I decided to Eject and Pause for now. I wonder if I will ever trust again even though I do wish to be married to an honest an loving man.

  32. Lola
    June 16, 2015

    Well I thought I’d find a comment worse than mine but I don’t think anyone can be as stupid as me. Long story short, I love a man that doesn’t love me, I agreed to be his side chick because I wanted a small part of him instead of nothing at all. I got pregnant thinking things would get better. Things have got worse. I don’t blame him he was always honest, I blame myself. I can’t forgive myself. I feel so bad for my baby to be born in an environment full of pain. And worst part is, I’m still in love with him. I fear rejection and my self esteem is questionable, but the guilt in my heart for what I allowed is too much.

  33. Ms. M
    June 16, 2015

    Thank you for sharing…

  34. […] you don’t it was your intuition until you learned the flaw. I saw something on facebook posted by The Single Woman that caught my eye and its so true… It helps me fight off all those “I  told you […]

  35. Sheri
    June 21, 2015

    Sometimes letting it go, leaving it all behind is the best, most liberating feeling ever. And the freedom you get from saying lesson learned is wonderful.

  36. Suzanne
    June 22, 2015

    The timing of this post is absolutely unbelievable! Thank you!!

  37. June 25, 2015

    Thank you Mandy!xx

  38. Melissa
    August 22, 2015

    Thank you so much Mandy!!

  39. Lisa
    November 5, 2015

    Pays to know who HAS your back vs. Who only wants to get you ON your back. Time tells all, so never jump to quickly. Let him prove his intent.

  40. Lisa
    November 5, 2015

    PS I love this blog, shared it with my single friends. Very good, common sense topics and discussion. BRAVO!

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Something wonderful is on the horizon
Life doesn’t always look the way we want it to look. In Mandy’s upcoming book, Turn Toward the Sun: Releasing What If and Embracing What Is, you’ll find encouragement to live in the moment, sit with your experiences, and trust God with the unknown.
Preorder from Baker Book House for 40% off and free shipping!*
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Something wonderful is on the horizon
Turn Toward the Sun CoverLife doesn’t always look the way we want it to look. In Mandy’s upcoming book, Turn Toward the Sun: Releasing What If and Embracing What Is, you’ll find encouragement to live in the moment, sit with your experiences, and trust God with the unknown.
Preorder from Baker Book House for 40% off and free shipping!*
*US shipping only