An Open Letter to Single Women, From an Anonymous Single Man
I am so excited to be able to share the below letter with you, my precious readers. I know single life can often be confusing and frustrating, leaving us frequently shaking our heads and wondering “What are guys THINKING?!” Well, here’s a peek into the heart of a single man. I’m not going to reveal the identity of the man who wrote this letter to you, but I will just encourage you by saying that all the good ones aren’t gone and there are really still some great men of God out there, holding out for you the same way you are holding out for them. 🙂
Dear Single Women,
The first thing I want to say to each and every one of you single ladies is that you have value; ridiculous, unimaginable value. You are the daughter of the king and he is enthralled with your beauty. Don’t believe me…. fine, check out Psalm 45:11. I literally could stop at that point right there and say go and be the king’s daughter and wait for the prince God has for you and don’t settle for the peasant. Take note of this: Don’t date in the stables when you were destined for the castle. Most of the settling by women in our culture today is done because they don’t see themselves as Christ sees them. Please stop looking at yourself through the lens of The Bachelor, Cosmo, or Hollywood. Your value is not in a man’s hand, it was marked on the hands of the one who paid the ultimate price on the cross to show you that you have worth.
Secondly, outside of knowing Jesus, your spouse will be the largest decision you ever make, SO DON’T RUSH IT. Your job, your car, or whether or not you buy the Tory Burch flats or the clutch doesn’t compare to the covenant marriage decision. So don’t flippantly say yes to dates because you are bored or lonely. With my job I get to fly a lot and meet some fantastic people. I recently was on a plane and met a lady named Martha (okay, that wasn’t her real name, but in the spirit of personal space, we will call her Martha). She was 47, had gone through an ugly divorce, had grown kids, and was a successful but lonely business woman. She opened right up to me because she said I had a soft smile and when I asked her how she was, she thought I genuinely cared (which I did). She went on to say that the biggest mistake in her life was saying yes to a non-believer for one little meal. That one little meal turned into bad decision after bad decision and ended in a broken covenant and broken heart.
She asked me a question I will never forget: “Do you know how not to marry a non-believer?” Before I could answer she emphatically said… “DON’T DATE ONE.” In the same way that it’s not possible for someone who never tries drugs to become a drug addict, a person who never dates a nonbeliever won’t wind up marrying one.
Third: “Make sure the juice is worth the squeeze.” I heard that quote in high school and it has stuck with me throughout a myriad of decisions. If the guy you are dating brings nothing to the table but a plate, you may want to re-evaluate the relationship. If you are doing everything – initiating every encounter, pursuing, paying for everything (meals, coffee, tickets to shows), and you are going 110% percent to make up for his -10% you might need to go back to the drawing board. I see far too many women who are dating duds and pretending they are studs instead of investing in themselves and becoming the woman that God called them to be. Another reason for not dating a dud is you could miss who God has for you.
Lastly, if you make yourself seem unapproachable and untouchable… you will be. Guys like the chase; however, if they are running after a woman who plays too hard to get they will give up. On a side note if you are using Hollywood’s rom coms as your standard for men then you are going to be severely disappointed when you don’t look behind you to find Matthew McConaughey with Ryan Gosling’s body chasing you.
In closing, Jesus loves you. He has a plan for every one of you, and for some of you he has a man. To those of you who God has called to be single, know this: Singleness is a gift. You can be on mission without having to consider anyone other than the people you are called to reach. Your life is not an “us situation” but rather a “where am I called to serve.” For the married ones, it’s a “we situation” and that adds complexity to the situation. Sometimes flying solo enables you to go and experience your own vision rather than esteeming your spouse’s vision as greater than your own.
If you really want to find the right one, let go of the jerks and the bad boys and start looking for MEN you would want to rock it with at Cracker Barrel when you are 80; the kind of men you would want to father your children. When you do find the right one, you can be certain that the man you waited for will say thank you to all the men you didn’t settle for.
An Anonymous Single Man