What Does Letting Go Look Like?

Letting GoHOW do you let go and move on from ANYTHING in your life that no longer fits, no longer works, no longer brings you joy but pain, no longer brings you sunshine but rain?

Here’s how:

You take a deep breath, you say the words that you never imagined yourself saying, and you walk away. Battle-scarred and scared and unsure about the future as you may be, when you KNOW in your heart that this is not the person, not the job, not the opportunity that God intended for you, there is no other option but to walk away. To let go and move on. You cannot allow yourself to settle for anything that you know is wrong for you just because his name next to yours on the invitation will impress your friends or the nameplate on your office door looks nice. Leaving the comfortable shell of a secure situation, no matter WHAT it may be, is one of the scariest things a person can do; but think about it…what would happen to the butterfly if she refused to exit her cocoon? She would never grow, never change, never acquire her wings. And trust me on this one: it is far, far better to live a life of uncertain happiness than of certain misery. If you outgrew a dress, no matter how fabulous it once fit, you wouldn’t keep wearing it, would you? Then why are we so willing to stay stuck in a relationship, situation, job, or friendship once it has become clear that the other person or opportunity is not our perfect fit?

Letting go is not for the faint of heart. It’s the hardest thing most of us will ever have to learn how to do…but still, we must do it. Loving oneself demands nothing less.

But chin up, kid. You’re more resilient than you think you are. Sometimes it REALLY is as easy as opening your hand and releasing the person or thing you’ve been clinging so tightly to.

I personally like to PHYSICALLY release something to symbolically show that I’ve let go and moved on. My way of doing this is by taking myself down to the nearest party supply store and purchasing a bundle of bright, colorful, shiny helium balloons. On each balloon, I write down everything that’s holding me back…the What or the Who that I need to let go of.

Then, one by one, I release them into the air. And with each balloon that disappears into the distance, a little piece of ME starts to fall back into place.

It is an exercise that I HIGHLY recommend.

Perhaps when all is said and done, after all the tears have been cried, we’ve dried our eyes, the dust has settled on our goodbyes, and those bright, beautiful balloons are floating toward the sky…maybe all we can do is cling to what completes us (like our self worth, our dignity, and our best friends) and release what depletes us (like a guy who can’t see the crown jewel standing right in front of him). Sometimes in life we have to create our own closure. Sometimes we have to decide when enough is enough and walk away. I urge you to find a way to peacefully close the door on the past so you can walk away with your head held high and with no regrets. Because at the end of the day, sometimes it takes opening a door to get to a new place…

…and sometimes it takes closing one.

What are you struggling to let go of? What have you been successful in letting go of? Comment below!

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140 Responses to “ What Does Letting Go Look Like? ”

  1. Milagros Denizard
    August 3, 2013

    i’m holding on to a man I’ve been with since I was 15yrs old and now soon to be 30yrs old, three beautiful children later i’m struggling to find happiness with a man who has cheated, lied, and hurt me. Now that he seems to have “ended” the cheating I’m holding on to hope that some day I can find happiness with a man I still struggle with for love, affection and appreciation. I just don’t know how to let go. please help me.

    • Jenna
      August 7, 2013

      Milagros, I don’t know exactly what’s going on in your particular situation, but from my experiences and what I’ve been reading to help me put back down the sentiment of someone I love and who love(s/d) me but cannot be with, I can only offer my advice:

      If he is your husband, you both should try everything possible, pray about anything and everything, and give every ounce of effort to try to save your marriage. God is for ambition in that situation and can totally heal your home (look up the song “Heal This Home” by Luminate).

      However, if he has cheated (or even terribly abused you physically), you need to seriously consider the exception given: to leave and start again.

      He may apologize, repent, change, etc.–and that would be fabulous for him especially–but he may stumble again (are you prepared?) or never fully mesh well with you (is he and your family worth it?) You may answer “yes,” which can be fine, as I know a woman who didn’t give up and had two daughters and continues to live a pretty happy and well-rounded life, save the rough/bumpy times that are intertwined still. Then again, you may answer “no,” in which case you need to forgive him and try to say goodbye on a happy note… but say goodbye, nonetheless, for everybody’s sake.

      You must talk to your parents, other wise people, Christian teachers, and Jesus. Ask for guidance, knowledge, answers, and confidence in the right path. Then wait a while for responses, pray again, talk to people again, and finally come to a conclusion.

      Hope this helps! 🙂

    • liezle
      August 28, 2013

      I usually say to myself that even how bad or what is the family value of a person is, but just accept him as him will be okay,as long you gave him all the support he needs not only physically but emotionally,financially and spiritually..but I was wrong and this belief of mine makes may life miserable before.For 15 yrs as husband and wife my ex husband leave us for another woman and he started his new life with that lady..before I couldn’t accept the fact cause its really hurt and hard to accept..Now 2 yrs, I realized sometimes God gave us a gift of goodbye for a bright future.To let us realized our true worth in his Son Jesus Christ.God knows whats best for each one of us. I am now much happier being a single mom. I see my self worth now.

    • Eve
      August 29, 2013

      Look yourself in the mirror and trust yourself. Trust that you can go through tomorrow without him and you can beand you will be happy. I loved a man and I still love him, but he told me he would never marry me. I stayed and grew to love him more and more. He was my best friend, my all in one and I could not imagine a life without him. We went from being bffs to wanting to kill each other to an open relationship although I could never think of cheating on him. A few days ago I thought of the next 12 months of my life and decided I wanted to be happy and the only way I could be happy was if I let him go. I had to be strong and brave and loved myself enough to walk away. To put myself first. Wear that pretty dress for me, smile and allow people into my life. So i said goodbye to my best friend and told him that it was time I dated again. It was hard but I did it.
      Love yourself more, love yourself enough to put yourself first. be brave coz u can do it. Don’t hold on. Take that leap. It’s a leap of faith. Have faith in yourself.

    • Anne
      September 2, 2013

      I believe that the first decision You have to make is Why are you staying in the marriage? Then ask yourself, Who does this serve? I myself was in a marriage for 20 years with a man that did not provide, protect or show any degree of love or devotion to myself and our two children. I understand the struggle that must be ensuing in your head. You tell yourself it is better for the children – but is it? My parents remained married and I wished they divorced for their anger, unhappiness, silence and bitterness continues to plague their relationship in their 70’s. So as a daughter of parents that remained together, I can say I wish they divorced so they could each choose to be happy rather than live in misery for the “sake of their children”, finances and fears of peer disapproval. I hope you look within yourself and allow yourself to give your one and only Soul what it was intended to receive in this lifetime. If it is separation or divorce, as I chose, the road is just as bumpy as being married, but I am the one leading it – no more compromises that never served myself or my children. I wish you Strength in whatever path you choose and know that there are many forks in the road that will require you to make a choice. Start today by giving yourself permission to decide what is best for You and your Children; he already made his choices and is lucky to have you. Does he know this? I hope you do:)

    • September 19, 2013

      Hi Milagros Denizard, you will have to face your fears and talk about it. You have bottled up too much and it will make you grow old quick. Don’t settle for less. You have the chance now to say all you need to say no matter how foolish it is. Its all part of the healing process. Set yourself free

    • Amy
      October 22, 2013

      Sounds exactly like your talking about my life 10 years ago .I met my husband when I was 16 we had three beautiful children .He lied ,cheated , hit me you name it . A year after my third child was born( my son was 7 daughter 6) I decided it was time to leave .I didnt want to raise my children in such a bad situation . I went to a domestic violence shelter for three months It was the hardest thing I ever did . I ended up going back .my thought was “why am I sitting here homeless with three children in a shelter while that bastard is sitting pretty in a nice warm apartment ?! I knew he would hit me again and when he did I grabbed my kids and marched my bloody face right to the police station and had him arrested ! Something I was terrified to do in the past .I took everything the apartment all its contents the car and my kids .I got a restraining order on him and filed for divorce . It was the BEST thing I ever did for my children and for myself . It isnt easy being a single parent my two oldest have a lot of problems from witnessing so much violence. It was still a lot easier than living in an abusive relationship .It taught my daughter to respect herself and helped her realize she doesnt need prince charming to be happy .It taught my son how to be a real man and how to treat a woman . And It taught me that I was someone , I did matter I had rights ,I am strong I deserve to be loved and respected and that “I ” dont need prince charming to make me happy .I make me happy . There is help out there ! When your ready youll know where to find it ……You probably already do .Its just the matter of being ready to accept the help .Only you know when that is . 🙂

    • November 18, 2013

      After been 24 years with dlthe same man (16 married) two beautiful children and three times of cheating, I left him two weeks ago, after one year of struggles, now I feel sad some times but I know that I did everyting to save the relationship, did not work and face up to receive the new future with a smile on my face!!

    • jen
      November 18, 2013

      I am struggling to let go of my husband who left me a year ago. He has moved on to another relationship and clearly let go of me. It is so hard to not get the answers or explanations I want, but I can’t change him. I continue to pray for his heart and mind to be open to God’s will but I need to turn it completely over and move forward. It is so much easier said than done. I can’t help but try to say the right things to him to try to bring him back. I have exhausted all of my words
      and reasoning. He to try to

    • Jesenia Rios
      November 19, 2013

      this message is for Amy- October 22, 2013… I just want to commend you for LEAVING your husband and getting a divorce. I also was in an abusive relationship physically and emotionally.. He also lied and cheated repeatly. I have a 2 year old daughter and have been a single mom since I was 8 months old. Please keep head up.. Also if you can find a local church to take yourself and kids. Pray with your children at night, you can purchase a Christian bible. I salute to all the WOMEN on this blog continue to stay strong and ask God to give you the guidiance and strength everyday not for a easy life but the strength to endure the difficulites we face everyday. May God continue to bless and prosper everyone on this site.

    • purpleprincess
      January 22, 2014

      Thank you for this. I have been just beside myself having to walk away from my house. I can’t afford it and I am going back to school so that I can be more competitive in the job market when I move. I’ve always wanted to live by the ocean, like right by it, not miles or hours away. My goal is graduating and moving near the ocean. I want to make my dream a reality. Pride gets in the way of a lot in what we do and the decisions we make. I’ve decided that being single and taking care of me is the best thing I can do for me and anyone else. I’m open to a relationship, it just isn’t something that will stand in my way of moving by the ocean. I can only hope that women realize that they don’t need to be average in life and strive to be more than average. Being average means plugging away at life and we’re here to live our lives to the fullest. I encourage everyone to be a better you and become more than average. Take those risks, become uncomfortable, don’t settle for less than what you want from a relationship and make sure you find happiness by being you.

    • Susan Gail Peters-Turk
      January 24, 2014

      HWe’ve been married twice; for 15 years overall, with 3 long separations, and one. 20 + year double life.

      He’s a Turkish Russian Arab from Jordan, and now revert. I am an American Citizen, from Los Angeles, California, and Jewish.

      He left me, 3 times. We’re over. I get it. I’m quite certaint he no longer even thinks of me at all. Wish it were that simple for me.

      So here I stand with a blank slate, and at 46 years old, too.

      I’m a woman, relatively alone, and newly single. He is a stranger to me and wishes me no place in his life. OK, then. I take a deep breathe, Open my hand, I release his, and God takes mine. The rest hasn’t happened yet. I’m frightened, but none the less excited at the same time. The thought in my mind…

      Ce est la vie’!… Seize the day! I shall, indeed.

  2. August 28, 2013

    I have been with a man since 2008 untill now present years…i’ve really tried to be happy with him…were not married because he is still married to his wife..because in phillippines ther is no such thing like divorce…and if u do so you will have to prepare a big amount of money..the reason why i send this because im so confused…i feel so empty…everytime he said to me that he is the reason where i am now…and why do i have the things i have now…its all because of him…i want to leave him for that but everytime i tried i really feel so sorry for him and i feel pity on him ..what shall i do please help me…i feel like that ive tied on him…

  3. Kirstin
    August 28, 2013

    I began dating a man in June who was charming, attentive, and sweet – until about 6 weeks later, he just – wasn’t. He still comes around, mind you. Comes by my shop, texts on occasion, but just stopped being my “boyfriend” (a label he gave himself in the beginning) and became my buddy. No more kissing, no more sweet calls, just friends. It has crushed my heart! I am divorced nearly two years now, and he’s the first man I’ve dated – and he pursued me. I wasn’t looking for it, and yet I really enjoyed his companionship. I don’t know how to let it go – I don’t even know what to ask or say – I am at a complete loss.

    • Annette
      August 30, 2013

      Kristen, I have been there, once or twice! It’s almost the Houdini,but not quite because he wants to stay in your life just a “little bit.” I call it the “hot and cold” and I can do it for a while (like a month or so) only because I it’s easier than that dreaded “dating someone new routine.” All I can say is that eventually you will not want to be with someone flaky or “hot and cold” in a long-term relationship. I think guys do this because they want the best of both worlds or they sincerely feel bad that they are not into you as you are into them so they are trying to “not be a jerk.” My 14 year old daughter says it best….”don’t try to figure guys out, they are guys and they don’t think very well”……she is turning out much smarter than I!

    • Cicely
      September 7, 2013

      Kirsten he’s sounds like someone who wasn’t focused or mature enough to treat a relationship and your feelings with the care and transparency that it needed, especially given the fact that you were starting dating following your divorce. Trust me when I say you aren’t the first and probably won’t be the last but beware the “return” visit because it sounds like he is doing just enough to keep the door open for him to comeback when he feels like to get what he needs and then move on to something new and shiney, just like a kid that wants a new toy, a man who wants a new motorcycle. Remember your worth, you deserve someone who values you and your feelings, someone who will be honest and not leave you guessing and confused. Good luck!

    • Lu
      September 11, 2013

      Kirstin, YOU are worth more than this and YOU deserve to be treated like the special person YOU are…don’t settle for a 2nd best YOU. YOU will find someone that will appreciate what you have to offer. It is not an easy path to follow, but don’t give up because it WILL BE WORTH IT in the end. It may not seem that way right now, but allow yourself some time. There is someone better in your future just waiting for YOU!

    • myra
      January 23, 2014

      kirsten im in your situation right now, just a week ago the guy i fel inlove with after the separation with my husband (4yrs separated) is acting so cold to me he doesnt even comunicate anymore because he has ag girlfriend..im trying so hard to let go and forget him but it is so difficult for me to do that..how are you right now?have you moved on?what did you do?

  4. Presley
    August 29, 2013

    I love this woman for 7 years of my life and counting… we’ve been together since we were 14 years old. sure we have our ups and downs. but recently, things has been spiraling downhill ever since i’v entered army. does it mean she should let go? or should we try again to create the spark that once had that everyone envied. Deep down, I know we would work out and all we needed is to open to each other again… We have hurt each other too much but now I really want to try one more time… Should I let go…? and Should I let her let go despite my inner self telling me to grasp and not let go…?

  5. Alexandra
    August 29, 2013

    Dear Milagros , I strongly advise you to consider your option of living this man. If a man lied and cheated on you once, in his 20ties ,I would not expect that he will suddenly change and spend the next 40 years without doing it, in a loving marriage.. I am sorry to say that, but my opinion is that you should think if yourself and your happiness. I assume it is not easy with 3 kids and after such long relationship, however being happy on your own is completely possible and doable. Sometimes in times of great suffer we find out how strong we actually are. Imagine that you meet a man that really wants, loves and appreciates you for who you are ? Imagine truly honest relationship ? This is completely possible, if you give it a chance ! Why giving million second chances to someone that constantly hurts you, when there are others that are waiting for first chance to do it right?
    I am maybe a bit harsh, but I think once a cheat always a cheat ! You deserve better ! It is tough times for you and I wish you to be strong and positive ! There is plan for every one of us, have faith in God and yourself !

  6. oana
    August 29, 2013

    after 8 years of marriage, i found out he is involved in another relationship, too. i cant tell you how i felt about it, but i knew i have to get divorced. i was really scared, my daughter was only 3 years old, but i did it. and now, a few years after, i can tell you this: it wasnt easy, but it was better.

  7. Tory
    August 29, 2013

    I’ve recently learned to let go of a relationship that was 20 years long (10 which were marriage); we were high school sweethearts (a label I always hated). Our relationship was probably suffering from the beginning when I immerged myself into his life, his hobbies, his thoughts, etc. I was lost…my happiness was always in overdrive to compensate for his unhappiness. Well, he took up with the person who I thought of as my best friend (which I might add is just as unhappy as he is). It was a devastating loss to have both my husband and friend depart from my life; but it was the best thing that could happen! I hit an emotional low…until one day I realized that I am responsible for my own happiness and I needed to do buck up, learn to forgive and move on. Once I came to terms with the fact that he took all our dreams, hopes, etc. and transferred them to their relationship and she happily took over my life; I was able to realize that those dreams and hopes were for a future the no longer existed. It was time for me to write the next chapter and have new hope and new dreams! I am now happily single and loving life! I need to shout out to my family and friends, because I know that I wouldn’t be in the place I am today without their support; but a lot of it was forgiving myself, forgiving them and looking to make a much happier future!

  8. justme
    August 31, 2013

    I fell in love with him even before he knew me. Stolen looks. Glances. 12 months pass.. we finally talk… he is everything i knew he would be. I find out he has a girlfriend..crushed…. we talk again… i want to be with him… but then the jerk comes out “want to hang out this weekend? my girlfriend is out of town” i walk away still hurting today

  9. Loren
    August 31, 2013

    I have recently been dumped by my boyfriend of five years over a text message. We had been trying to put our relationship for many years after he had left and cheated, lied, you name it. I had been trying for so long to trust him again, but never could. The damage was done.
    I need to find the strength to let him go in my mind and heart, but it’s been hard. No matter what he’s done to me I still love him. And he no longer loves me.

  10. Ella
    September 1, 2013

    I’ve recently gone through the most heartbreaking break up,I’m 18 and I thought I had found what I was looking for,and yes at such a tender age. But because I had included God and made a list of all the good qualities I had admired in a boyfriend and prayed over them,I thought I had finally found him..we were together for a 16months and it had been filled with outmost joy the happiest moments of my life where with him and despite the long distance predicaments we always had a way of working things out..but things changed..We used to fight all the time,we hurt each other a lot but then again I still wanted to hold on but the other party didn’t so I couldn’t be willing to fix things on my own he even admitted that he’d stopped playing his part so we threw caution to the wind..it hasn’t been easy but I’m really okay now,,You know I actually told him that if it were someone else I’d actually pray that he gets the most psychotic girlfriend the world can offer but its him..and he’s an amazing person was not perfect but beneath all the flaws he was a beautiful being I’m saying this because angles of my life are sharpened and I grew I matured I’m a better person and I value so much because of him and that I hope all in all in the end he finds what he’s looking for but simultaneously I’m glad things didn’t work out between us because in the long run sooner or later he was gonna leave me hanging with no reason at all because that’s who he is,he’s afraid of long term relationships,commitment and being with one person for a while and we were two different people our morals are totally different, I believe in true love and being with that one person for the rest of my life and working things out,but then again it still hurt exponentially to be treated so disposably by someone who had gone so far out of his way to prove to me that he wasn’t just another “ordinary” guy..I am very much a work in progress and I’m no expert when it comes to matters of the heart. I’m learning as I go along, which sometimes means I battle feelings of doubt and inadequacy and unworthiness. I’ve read your books,and I’m highly thankful for what you’re doing,God bless you..x♡

  11. September 1, 2013

    I dated my boyfriend for about three years we supposibly got engaged. I wanted to get married before I moved in with him and he wanted for me to move in before we got married just to see if it was going to work. We wouldn’t come to an agreement so he cheated on me and got the other girl pregnant. Without me knowing what was actually going on we tried to get back together when he told me that she was pregnant. I felt sorry for him that I was there for him. Here I am 3 years later trying to make things work lie after lie after lie. Every time he made me believe we were together as a couple trying to make our relationship work he was actually playing house with her he was living with her! He has moved out of her place now. But that doesn’t make anything better. Slowly but surely I am starting to finally see this relationship for what it actually is. It’s a damaged relationship nothing can fix it. It’s doomed because I will always carry in my heart this resentment of him cheating on me instead of looking for me to talk things out. Instead he ignored me and cheated on me and his actions had huge consequences. I still havent met his son. And i know in my heart that its not the kids fault but i know i will never accept him. Especially knowing that he named him with the nane we chose for our baby when ever we had one. And that little boy is just a reminder of ehat he did to me and i cant take it. I don’t deserve this life. I deserve to be with someone who won’t cheat on me but who will fight not just for me but for our relationship and our future together. I deserve to be happy and not angry and full of resentment.

  12. sunny
    September 7, 2013

    I am struggling to let go my girl friend who left me without letting me know what was my mistake. We never had a fight. We always had time to spent with each other. but still hate came my way. she never bothered to text or reply even. I still don’t know what wrong i have done? on short note want to say from last 3 months i am crying on each day. not a single day when i have not missed her for lunch, dinner, and many more. why it is always me?

    • Nicola
      September 15, 2013

      Dear Sunny

      Like your name keep shining even through the rain. My then boyfriend told me one morning that he loved me but wasn’t in love with me. My heart was broken and I cried -for too long. The worst part was that I could not figure out what it was I had done wrong. I spent years wondering, picking at myself. 10 years later he got in touch and I asked him what did I do wrong, and he said nothing, you could not have been any better to me.

      I just wanted to let you know that if you cannot honestly think of anything that you have done – then it’s not you. Cry if you need to cry. But don’t cry for too long, don’t close your heart to new opportunities.

      Keep shining

    • Yajaira
      September 20, 2013

      It’s not always you, it’s just not for you. You’ll find what is and who is right for you, just be patient.

  13. Ashley
    September 7, 2013

    I met and started dating a guy in September of 2009. We “dated” until I graduated from college in may of 2011. I put dated in parentheses because I mean it as a very loose term.. We did everything that a boyfriend and girlfriend would do but he never gave me the official title of that. Like he told me he loved me all the time, saw each other almost everyday and night but I KNEW he was with other women but he would never admit it to me. He was very manipulative, a liar, narcissist I think and verbally abusive to me at times. Still I loved him with everything in me. We both left the state and went our separate ways shortly after I graduated but we stayed in contact. I even flew and went to visit him. But it never truly went anywhere. I spent all last year miserable just trying to get over him. Since 2011 he has never let more than a couple weeks to a month go by without calling or texting me telling me how much he still cares about me and loves me but he has never expressed wanting to be in a relationship with me. He wants to come visit me in a couple weeks and I don’t know how to feel about it or what to do. None of my friends or family like him at all. I still dream about him and think about him everyday. I hate it. I don’t know how to forget him or let go. Please help.

    • LocBeauty
      January 22, 2014

      Sounds like my friend and I. We have been knowing each other since elementary school and started messing around when we were 21. We are 29 now. We see each other every day almost sleep together most of the time and have even stayed together a few times. He has lied cheated (a few times I was his girlfriend) verbally physically and emotionally abused me. He has literally created a monster inside me. He even had a child with someone else. That ended our relationship but we still basically are together. I suggest you do what I’m in process of doing, blocking numbers, changing Facebook accounts, my lease is up so I’m moving and I’m not giving him any of my new info. I did this before and did good for about 6 months before giving in. I have made up my mind now I’m getting too mature to play these games. I wasted all my 20s playing this game and I can’t any more. Each morning look in the mirror and remind yourself of why you deserve better and how much happier you could be being completely stable and comfortable with yourself or even with someone else who is giving their all to you

    • Rach
      January 22, 2014

      I’m stuggling to let go of the father of my son, he left us when I was 2months pregnant,started seeing his ex galfriend or rather his “ex” seems they never broke up,now I have my beautiful baby but he doesn’t care or love us, I miss him,yes I know it doesn’t make sense how I can miss such a person,nd him being the father of my son its not easy -*sigh*

  14. Cherry
    September 7, 2013

    I just want to get out of this relationship with my best friend. We have known each other for more than half of our lives. She is really like a sister to me. But right now I can’t stand her anymore. She is such a control freak which was good when we first started our business. I am not happy working with her. I admit it is also my fault because I gave her the upper hand. I let her do most of the decisions thinking that I was being supportive. I always take the backseat and only now I have realized that I have lost myself, my independence, my spark. I am in a tough situation wherein I can’t just leave because she is making it hard for me. I am the only one who can stand her but I have enough. I feel trapped because no matter how I reason out to her she has something smart to say back. I still care for her and I know I will hurt her. But I don’t think I can keep on putting myself into misery just for her. Help me please. How can you let go when that person doesn’t let you let go?

  15. TM
    September 7, 2013

    Simply letting go of the “what if” is the hardest thing for meto do. What if he is the one? What if I was supposed to leave this job? What if … It keeps me bound ans stagnant. Praying for deliverance and a shift to happen.

  16. Dill
    September 8, 2013

    I swear is the best quote I’ve heard all year. It makes so much sense and clarifies what I have been feeling for the past 7 months. My ex and I were married for 5 years had a red head little girl we just got divorced in July. I am catholic and he turned atheist two years into our marriage. We went to counseling (over other stuff) Long story short, we mutually ended it then he found someone before I moved out of the house ! I wanted to fight some more to keep our marriage together but he was done . Now I see him and her in my hometown where I live now. This blog has helped me so much! Thank you for posting this 🙂

  17. julie
    September 9, 2013

    I want to let go of my job because of the evil people that tell lies and hurt me everyday. I got money why do I put up with it? when i can find another job for less money and be happy? my friends keep say not many jobs around so best to stick it out. why cant I say enough is enough and walk away?

    • Lu
      September 11, 2013

      Julie, Your happiness is worth so much more than the job you currently have. Stress is bad for your health. Start looking for a new job while you still have this one. YOU CAN DO IT! As far as your co-workers are concerned, just SMILE at them. It will drive them crazy. Stay true to yourself.

  18. Laya
    September 12, 2013

    Like many who have commented here, I am struggling to let go of a man who I know is toxic to my life (Funny how those are the ones we have the hardest time letting go of, isn’t it?). Anyway, I fell for this guy despite seeing red flags along the way. But because I choose to see only the good in people, I went on falling. But he also let me, knowing that I was looking for a serious relationship…& he kept to himself that he was not. Anyway, it took a traumatic experience to occur (I wish I hadn’t waited that long) for me to see him for who he truly is. They say a person’s true character is revealed in times of adversity…& that’s exactly what happened. He abandoned me without an explanation after this traumatic event happened (& I should mention that he was the cause of it). And instead of owning up to his actions, he chose to walk away. He stopped answering my calls/texts, blocked me on social media & decided to avoid me all together. He made his choice & robbed me of mine. But… At the same time, I realized what a coward he is, & I asked myself, “Is this the type of man I want in a life partner? If (God forbid) I find out I have a serious illness or someone close to me has passed away or I become disabled or whatever turmoil life throws at me… Is he going to stand by my side & love/support me through it?” If his actions right now are any indication, the answer would be no. And that is not someone I want to go through life with or have as an example for my children. So as painful as it is to let him go, I know in the long run, it’s for the best. And even though I’m still crying myself to sleep at the realization that I am losing someone I love, I am keeping faith that I will find better. Most of all, I am comforted to know that I am not alone.

  19. September 13, 2013

    This is so beautifully written and something that needs to be said. I think knowing when to let go is key to living a fulfilling, wholesome life. Some things (relationships, jobs, etc.) are only for a season, but as humans we tend to appropriate permanence to things that are meant to be temporary, and thus end up suffering needlessly. I have also struggled in letting go of someone I thought I was meant to be with, and who I thought I could not live without. They were the darkest days of my life, but by God’s grace I pulled through, and let go. Now I have known joy and happiness that I never felt when he was a part of my life. It is a long, hard road, but so worth it. I believe everyone here who has shared their story has the ability to let go and find joy again. May God grant you all the courage to let go 🙂

  20. September 15, 2013

    Im struggling to fall out of love with the first man I fell In love with. He broke my heart, cheated, lied to me, told me he loved me back and truthfully he lied about that because he felt sorry for me. I guess he decided he couldn’t lie anymore and broke my heart. I’m 26 and its the first man I’ve ever loved. I’ve been with 4 other men and they all cheated on me.

    I’m scared no one with ever love me.
    I’m scared that I’m not worth anything for anyone.

    I need to learn to let go. I’m going to try the ballon idea as its a practical thing to do to show myself I’m letting myself go to God to do as He wills.

  21. Ehmjay
    September 15, 2013

    My girlfriend and I broke up a year ago after being together almost a year and a half in a long distance relationship. We broke up because religion and the distance. I live in California and she’s going to school in Virginia but she’s from New Zealand. It was a mutual break up because her religion wouldn’t allow us together and we knew her family would never accept us. We’ve been broken up for almost a year and I finally told her I need to stop talking to her for awhile because it hurt too much, but two weeks later she gets a boyfriend. I can’t blame her because I know he can give her everything I can’t, everything she’s ever dreamed of. Even though I’m glad for her, it’s doesn’t meant that it doesn’t hurt like hell!! Till this day I’m still hoping, imagining, dreaming that one day she’ll come back to me and tell me I’m the one. And that nothing matters when she’s not with me. I guess I’m a hopeless romantic like that and I need to stop. And I’m trying to. I’m just having a hard time fully letting go and move on. I just don’t know what else to do.

    • Kim
      October 6, 2014

      Your story seems similar to mine. My bf broke up with me about 3 months ago telling me he couldn’t continue being with someone who’s family wouldn’t accept him. He then told me that he’s willing to give other women a try and that he may be starting to have feelings for his best friend due to the circumstances we’ve been thru and that for the past few weeks she’s been there for him. Fist few months I felt like I was starting to feel better and now I’m back in the same spot I was when he first broke it off with me. Since then we’ve only talked once or twice and it’s always just been a simple “hello, how are you?” I still feel like he’s the one…but our relationship wasn’t perfect but I always thought we’d get thru it. It’s only been 3 months for me and about a month since we last spoke. I’m hoping I either get over him or get the guts to finally stand up to my parents. But how are you now? Almost a year later…are you feeling better?

  22. Nicola
    September 15, 2013

    Dear Sunny

    Like your name keep shining even through the rain. My then boyfriend told me one morning that he loved me but wasn’t in love with me. My heart was broken and I cried -for too long. The worst part was that I could not figure out what it was I had done wrong. I spent years wondering, picking at myself. 10 years later he got in touch and I asked him what did I do wrong, and he said nothing, you could not have been any better to me.

    I just wanted to let you know that if you cannot honestly think of anything that you have done – then it’s not you. Cry if you need to cry. But don’t cry for too long, don’t close your heart to new opportunities.

    Keep shining

  23. thandie
    September 15, 2013

    i am 22years old, two years ago i met a guy at a poetry session, i met him through a mutual friend. We went on a few dates, it was amazing i was head over heals… He was such a romantic, such a gentleman. We went everywhere together, introduced me to his 3year old son. This was the first time being in love for me,

    and then i found out that he got back together with his babys mother. I kept tellin myself it was all a lie, i asked him he said no its a lie… A month later he broke up with me… i felt like an arrow just went ryt thru my heart, i thot i was going crazy.
    life was taf for me, two months later we got back together. He promised me he wud never leave me, i fell for it. I didnt want to lose him… My mother didnt like the idea of me and him,but i stil went on with it…
    Three weeks back he came to my place, something in me said i should ask him for a break, nd a week after i broke up with him… He keeps calling me telin me that he misses me and all.

    But as much as i love him, i cant live like this… Wheneva we’re apart i know hs wth hs babymama, i feel like a statue. While his wastin my time his building a family wth his babymama… I asked hm why didnt he tel me he stil had feelings for her, i wudnt hav clinged onto him… I realy hate how love works at times, i can never seem to find a guy without any baggage. I always find out that i am the other girlfriend at the end… It hurts that i cant find some1 gud enaf for me and me alone..

    • scared
      January 27, 2014

      I have this fear that if I let go of him..then I will lose him forever..and what if he was the one that I was supposed to be with but I didn’t fight long or hard enough for our life together..I don’t want to feel like this I want peace..

  24. Katie
    September 16, 2013

    I’m struggling to let go of an ex who left me for a job in a different state. I still truly care and worry about him and he knows that and I truly believe he just don’t care. He plays with my heart and plays games with my mind…making me believe he still want me but never truly shows it. I wish it was easy to just remove him from my mind/memories/life but sadly he is part of my group of friends. So every time his names get mentioned or I hear about how he is, its like the knife gets deeper and my friends don’t understand at all. I’ve never felt so alone in my life.

  25. Yari
    September 20, 2013

    My problem is I fell for someone who lived the life I had wanted to live when I was younger. His adventures amazed me, his stories and experiences left me in aw. I felt challenged and intrigued by him, I wanted to be at his level so bad. I wanted to be part of the amazement with him. I started dating him in January, it is now September and we have broken up 4 times. The first month was amazing, kind of like the honemoon stage, I couldnt get enough of him. All day he was on my mind and I was so enchanted by him. 2 months after everything just spiraled down. He started controlling me, and I let it happen thinking it was all my fault. He tried separating me from my friends and my family. I was the bad in this relationship all because of his insecurities. I cried every other day and stress was ao bad I would wake up with my fingernails jabbed in to my hands. I couldnt talk to him because everything would get flipped and it would ALWAYS be me. He would randomly pop up at my house, my job and txt me at 3 am just to check if i was on the phone or not. He made up such a bad lie about me that he did what no one else was able to do, he broke me mentally, emotionally and physically. And yet I still went back, because it was made believe it was my fault. Up to this day, I cant get out. I need help to let this go, this isnt what I deserve and I dont want to settle for it…..

  26. […] your life  is not limited to moving to another country.  It also takes courage to leave an abusive relationship, quit a dead-end job, or embark on a journey to weight-loss.  The process of walking away from […]

  27. Lebo
    September 25, 2013

    I miss him so much, and recently found out he moved in with some1 else. We have three kids 2gether and I fear at 25 no man will ever love me cos of my kids, more like I am faced with rejection 4 life. I love him so much it kills me 2 know he has closed a door on us. We used 2 fight day in and out. I know that I need 2 move on but the pain is just too much. I can’t help but txt him telling him how much I love him even though being with him was a bitter pleasure. Does it have 2 hurt this much when u let go.
    #broken 4 days

    • Mia
      February 10, 2014

      Leno, I’m so touched by your story. My advice to you is to not doubt yourself or allow yourself to think that your 3 children will prevent you from ever meeting someone that will be truly good to you and for you. Children are a gift from god and you need to understand that if a man doesn’t want you because of your three angels, he’s not worthy of you and isn’t the right man for you. My ex sister in law had 4 girls from 4 different men and she found happiness with a man that not only loved her but her four daughters as well. this man had a career and a son from a previous marriage. When true love comes around, any circumstance can be dealt with. Pick yourself up and move on. God bless.

  28. Nolie
    September 28, 2013

    I had a relationship with a married man few months back, i love him so much but i have to let him go because all along i know that it wont last, and yes, i know that i will be the one to suffer in the end. Letting him go was the hardest thing to do and so was moving on… Until now i still feel the pain in my heart every time i see pictures of him and his new girl.. It pains alot because it seems that our break up didn’t affect him at all. My friends advice me to delete him in my fb account so that i wont be able to see what’s going on with him. Does stalking really means that i haven’t move on yet? I want to pick up the pieces and start a new but i dont know how to begin..

  29. Dorcas
    October 5, 2013

    I have been with this guy for a year, and I can’t seem to let him go even though I know its the right thing to do. He has cheated,lied and humilated me several times, and even lost weight because of stress. I have lost my self-worth and self-esteem. He undermines me as if I’m nothing, I know I should’ve never let this situation this far but then I was convinced that hopefully he will change. I got this deep void in my heart and the emptiness also. I want to move on with my life but it seems like I’m stuck. How do I let go before I cause too much damage in my heart

    • Emmanuela
      October 6, 2013

      I don’t knw if I am still in love with my Ex or what…..we were very happy together initially until the Ex came bac and he broke up with me and said hateful words to me, Never will talk 2 me again n all that….The Ex is givin him sex which I don’t….finally they broke up…I forgave him without him asking for forgiveness….we started talkin again but I don’t knw if ther’s anything I can do to restore our relationship….pls advice me

  30. Melinda
    October 19, 2013

    I’m struggling to let go of a man that I truly care for. We have been in a relationship for about a year now BUT it has never been exclusive. Obviously not by my choice yet I have decided to stick around because I love him (I never admit to that but I do). We have talked about our relationship a million times because he’s a talker, I would rather just ignore it and go on. Every now and again I can’t take it. It drives me nuts! I don’t trust him, even though he’s always honest with me. I have tried to let go once and couldn’t do it. I’ve always promised that I would be his friend when it’s all said and done but I know I can’t keep my promise. It will be to hard to see him and not want to love on him. Just today I told him I needed a break (over text…I know eek! But remember I’m not the talker) his simple answer was “k :)” That should be enough to tell me where I stand perhaps I will use your ballon exercise for some closure. It makes my heart so sad.

  31. Momma's always on stage
    October 21, 2013

    This job… Over the last 11+ years it has been at times the biggest blessing & at times the biggest bourdon. It’s not a healthy situation but I have to provide health care & with income for my family. I almost resigned today, then I looked up how much my health insurance premium would be. I cry thinking about what I would write on my job balloons. I pray that God will release me, I do my part (applying for new job, interviewing) and pray for God to open & close doors. Thanks for the exercise for letting go. I hope to use it ASAP!

  32. jen
    October 26, 2013

    My husband left me and immediately began a relationship with someone else. He does not want to reconcile and has obviously moved on. He treats me like someone he has met a few times when we exchange our son. This has been the hardest thing i have ever had to deal with. I still love him and feel so stuck.

  33. patricia
    October 31, 2013

    Being with him, I had the best 8 months of my life…he cheated on me, I left, and he didn’t fight to keep me, instead he decided to stay with her and make it official. I keep replaying our relationship, blaming myself for pushing him into her arms. Its all my fault…I lost him, there’s absolutely nothing I can do to get him back…its all so surreal

  34. patricia
    October 31, 2013

    In my eyes I did everything right. I loved,I was loyal, I was faithful,I cared, and I did my best to keep him happy. For 8 months we we’re both happy, or so I thought…I found out that he cheated on me, I left, and he didn’t even fight to keep me, let alone apologise or show any sense of remorse…he is angry, and won’t even try to fix things. He instead made it official with her, and he seemingly is happy…I keep on replaying our relationship, finding faults, blaming myself for pushing him into her arms…the betrayal, disbelief, heartache is all too much. This is all too surreal…

  35. lucy
    November 2, 2013

    My name is Lucy. i am here to tell you a true life story of my life, i am a woman who was once married with 2kids and one day i was at home when i decover that there is unfaithfulness in my husband, so i decided to watch what he is up to and one day on my way to visit a friend of my, i found my husband and my best friend in a sitting room kissing and smooching their self and i got angry at once so i slap the face of my husband and i left when i got home, in the evening of it, my husband came with his mother and they both tell me that am a problem to them i was so confused thinking i have to recieve apologies from him but it was not the way i think so the next day he got up and tell me to my face that i should leave his house. i was so ashamed of him and i decided to do some thing real bad but did work so one day i saw a contact on the internet and i contacted the email address and a man told me all about my troubles and what i need to do and now am happy, and my husband came beging on his kneels actually the dr told me that a woman will confess and my mother in law confessed to me that she was responsible for all the troubles of my life and my husband now is happy with me. thank you very much sir the almighty will guard u and bless you for me. please women out there reach him via emial or call him via [email protected] his name is Dr Frank.

  36. Joy
    November 5, 2013

    What a timely blog for me to find. On Halloween, I let go (for good) an ex who came back into my life. We were friends, but yet he was treating me more than a friend. A rather ambiguous situation as he declared he wasn’t ready for a relationship.
    Actually, 2 years ago, we met in bible school, and he just knew I was the “one.” He then broke up with me and I was heartbroken for months, straying from God.
    I wanted him back badly. Well after 2 years, we came together as friends, but I just let him go as I told him I needed to get closer to God and felt our “friendship” was a distraction.
    Hard? Yes! But it’s the greatest indicator to self that I want God’s best rather than settling and waiting for someone to make a decision about me!
    Thank you for this site! Muah!! 🙂

  37. Shavonn
    November 11, 2013

    I am trying to let go of a man that ive known for over 15 years of my life and for the last 3 1/2 years I have taken care of him, his kids and his bills with nothing in return. I thought he loved me and I wanted to be with him with everything I had in me. Until I finally figured out that it wasnt love for me, it was him using me, and his need for me, that was the only reason he stuck around. As soon as I started saying NO, instead of YES, he went mad and gone MIA. He’s been out of my life for three weeks now but I have no closure. He just stopped calling. And even though I should be greatful, I feel like he needs to know what he has done and how he hurt me. How do I get past this?

    • December 26, 2013

      Shavonn – You are in control of this. You called his bluff, and he did exactly as expected. He ran like a user would. I know it hurt you, but that’s really the last thing you want him to know. So what you really need to do is to go No Contact. Because odds are pretty good that he will try to contact you again.. to play on your sympathy and try to get you to start being the sugar mamma again. “Closure” is a word used by therapists who want your money. Do your grieving, but don’t let him know that he hurt you. Some day soon, you’ll move from hurt to angry. Then some day, you’ll find that you don’t feel anything for this freeloader. You will heal.

  38. Lindsay
    November 18, 2013

    Oh man. You don’t know how badly I needed this. I have let him go, but it is hard. 4 months and still struggling…

  39. John
    November 19, 2013

    It seems that most of the comments here are from ladies but on my part as a guy, i am trying to forget and let go of the feelings i have for this girl. It’ s been more than years but i can not hardly do it. I just wish i just like the other guys that easily forgets and move on. I am a straight guy maybe i am just being too attached with my past relationship coz she dumped me without any reason she didnt even say the reasons why she stopped seeing and communicating to me. I did everything for her to comeback but i didnt hear anything even a single word. I was very hurt she kept me hanging . Maybe that is the reason why it is hard for me to move on. To be honest, i have a special someone now but sometimes i still think of her . I even asked my friend if Am i cheating my love one coz until now i am longing for her. I love the woman who have my heart right now. I want to let go and i did deleted everything about her. I want to be totally move on and forget eveything.

  40. tinky
    November 19, 2013

    Im in a relationship that puts my life onto fragile..i have a boyfriend..we’ve been together for almost 2 years…i have these hesitations because of the what ifs that still existing on my mind..i dont know but he’s not the kind of guy that i thought he’d be..not that sweet, and i always caught him hanging up with other girls without telling me, he uses violent words towards me, depriving me from my girl friends, not appreciating my efforts, EFFORT-LESS, flirting with other girls whenever were fighting, slapping my past and/ or how was i being a woman directly to my face….i dont want these but i cant also leave him.i love him and i know he love’s me too its just that there are so many things that makes me saddened about…i dont know what to do because he is also a drug user before and he’d always say when i leave him he’l back to what he is before like living in hell. please i need some advise…

    • Jk
      November 19, 2013

      You can not live your life to other people . You have got to what is right for you even if it hurts some people. There are many fishes in the ocean dont stick with the wrong person and suffer for the rest of your life. Love your self

  41. Sad n Lonely
    November 19, 2013

    Wow. So glad to see other women struggling as I am. I have always considered myself a strong woman and in control of my life. It wasnt until 4 months ago my life shattered and now I struggle with everyday life. I cant eat, sleep, I cry nonstop. Hard to picture what tomorrow holds.

    My boyfriend and I were together 3 years. We met and started dating immediately following both our divorces. We instantly became best friends. We were talking spending the rest of our lives together. First step for us was to buy a house. Problem was we live 30 miles apart, and our children even farther. We couldn’t figure out how to work out the living situation for us and all 4 kids with split custody with our exes without alot of extra driving all the time so we broke things off. I was ok the first few weeks. I kept thinking we would figure it out and get back together. That didnt happen. Finally on the 3rd month of our breakup I reached out to him to tell him how much I missed him and that we should work things out. He completely agreed with me. We started talking and texting. All seemed like it was going in the right direction. Just a few weeks later something in him changed. He started acting differently towards me. Then he said that he just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t go back to “us”. Now he says he really doesn’t have any feelings for me and that over the past 4 months, he has realized that we broke up for a reason and should probably just stay that way. I thought maybe it was due to him dating someone else, but he says he has not begun the dating process, but he thinks that should be in both our futures. I am struggling with the fact that he says he will always love me, but he can’t show me the love he had for me. He says he has changed. He says its because the hurt was so bad from our breakup.

    I know life goes on, but I just cant see the the future without him. I worry that at my age (43) I will never find the man of my dreams. Never felt like this before and not feeling so strong and in control any longer.

  42. Nattie
    December 5, 2013

    I am 29 years old and thinking already to settle down but my boyfriend and I for 2 years broke up for a reason that i had a fling when he is not here because he is working in Germany. When he got home last september i told him the truth and he cant accepth that. So we decided to end our relationship but even we are not offially on he still sleeps n my apartment until the day came that he needs to go back to Germany. But later he confess to me that while he is still here he got already a new girlfriend and its the most painful feeling i’ve ever had, i can easily accept that we broke up but it really hurts knowing that he can replace me that soon.. Until now its hard for me to let go of him and to forget him because of the memories we had, our dreams together that someday we will end up each other but i was just a plan after all.. What Am I going to do,.need advice from you..thanks!

    • Mia
      February 10, 2014

      Mattie, I’m sorry to say but you know the old saying: what goes around, comes around? Did you ever stop to think that his breaking up with you was karma for what you did by cheating? I’m not trying to hurt you any further but you really must sit back and ponder on this. He has probably never gotten over what you did while he was away in Germany and thought that he could most likely never trust completely. Good luck to you.

  43. Michele
    December 20, 2013

    Letting go!! Part of me wants to,, but a major part of me still feels that he is the man I want.. But I am feeling that way less and less.. It’s tearing g me up inside cause we also work together.. Thank goodness we don’t see each other .. Cause I think mostly by his choice we pretend to be coworkers.. He has a whole life that I have no part in.. I am pretty much kept out of.. I feel that in his own way he is telling me that he doesn’t want me,, but wants to make sure I am still there for his convenience.. How do I walk away.. All my relationships have been abusive.. But now i feel like I am suffering from neglect .. I always thought if someone wanted to spend time with you they would find a way.. It looks like he has no problem walking away.. How can I let go..

  44. A
    January 2, 2014

    Hi, I really like your blog particularly this one. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and pieces of advice to anyone who needs them in matters like this. I actually have a fair share of struggle like this which I’m currently going through right now. The difference is that we never really dated officially but we went out several times spending afternoons together over a cup of coffee and having a nice chat about our lives. Then I started growing in love with him which I wish he had never noticed. Unlike many of the guys mentioned in the other people’s stories here, he is one man whom I can proudly talk about because he’s not just a neat Christian guy but rather he’s a real Godly man. He’s done nothing to turn me off but the thing is I know that the feelings are not mutual. I have started on my moving-on regime but things are just getting tougher especially when I bump into him at the campus. I know that moving on doesn’t come easy but I’m afraid that the more I try to move one the more my feelings grow. I hate to think that I’m just trying to deny what I feel for him because I’m pretty honest to myself about everything that is going on between us. Maybe I just need prayers. I’m on my third month on doing my best to forget him and accept that nothing more than friendship can ever take place between us.

  45. Jhaz
    January 2, 2014

    It was early 2013 when I first met him. During that time I wasn’t looking for someone to date or love, and then all of a sudden he found me. He was the one who really tried so hard to communicate with me and tried everything like a stalker just to know me more. We have a lot of common things and I must admit it I started to like him easily. We enjoyed being with each other’s company a lot! I tried to ask him if what thus he really wants with our relationship, if he wants us to have more serious one or what? And His answer was He doesn’t really know yet but he really loves spending his time with me. So we end up having an open relationship. I told him that he can do whatever he wants to do and me as well. But that relationship was not easy because we were acting like a boyfriend and girlfriend. I’ve done lot things just to make him happy and feel the love that I thought he needs. I don’t expect anything in return that much from him and I am happy and contented on the way he treated me. I tried not to get jealous because he was updating me with everything happened to him. Until he became my world!! I don’t even have a time to spend with my self, family and friends. I am just one call or txt away from him. I remembered one day He called and he asked me if I can come and spend time with him, during that time I wasn’t really feeling of going out and wanted to stay home spend time with my family especially the weather were not fine and we have typhoon. I tried to refused but when He called back again I decided that after dinner I will go and spend my evening with him. Everything looked so perfect between us. We really didn’t really fight that much because for both of us we agreed that if someone made something wrong we have to sit down, talk and find solution for it. And we agreed that we will take it one day at a time. Until before Christmas of 2013 the former X-girlfriend went back for holiday, they spend time together and he became confused of his feelings towards me. So we had a talk and I told him that I will let him go. ! I tried not to show my emotion to him but when I started singing our favorite song suddenly He cried in front of me and says sorry for he hurts me so much! When I saw him being like that I cried too as well. It was really painful for me to let him go especially that I love him so much but I don’t want to be in a relationship were the other one is confused. Right now I keep asking God why He let all this things happened to me but He always reminded me that I am better of not having him in my life. And God doesn’t want me to live in a sinful life. I am still grateful that even though moving on is really hard to do for now He is still using a lot of people to cheer me up.

  46. Deborah
    January 3, 2014

    Letting go…..I struggled to let go of my marriage even though my husband had walked out on it. It took me a year to not cry everytime i thought about it, but realising he wasnt coming back, and that if he did my life wouldnt be better , id be resentful and angry. I have now got to the stage where i have let go of all that was, cos he wasnt “the one”. Hope there is one out there for me.

  47. Feeling Depressed
    January 7, 2014

    I have been with a man for 10 years and three children later… I found myself yearning for respect and compassion from someone that consistantly puts me down and makes me feel bad about myself! I will never be enough and he lets me know it. I know that I don’t love him anymore and have reached out to another man (never cheated- just had converstions about life with someone that turned into feelings). I have since stopped talking to him because for as good as it felt…. it felt just as bad! But now that the man I have been with for 10 years knows about him, he has been “Mr. WONDERFUL” – yet his true colors fly sometimes even though he is trying to be someone that he should have been all along! But I don’t love him…. what do I do! I have stayed this long for my children but knowing that there is something better out there in the world I feel more depressed than ever. We went to councillors and he sees how bad it has been for me for years but doesn’t truly understand the pain he has caused and I don’t think I can ever get back to a place of “love”…. when all I feel is hurt. Lost and confused!!!!

    • Lynne porter
      January 9, 2014

      I can relate to your situation. You described my marriage to a tee. 17 years for me. Almost half if my life. I was lucky that I only one child. A daughter. And it was luckiest for she and I both that she met her soul mate in high school. They married at 18 and just had their 9th anniversary. Anyway, I was 45 years old, unhappy with him, myself and my life. He didn’t seem to care. Then I experienced Empty Nest Syndrome. It was hard. But I did leave him. The last 7 years have the hardest of my life. But it was worth it.

  48. Lynne porter
    January 9, 2014

    I’m still a work in progress, but I’m finally letting go of the past four years. A four year relationship that ended so badly that after a year and a half I still can’t bring myself to talk about it openly with anybody. I’m letting go of the hurt, anger, humiliation, betrayal and devastation. It’s taken me a long time but I’m almost there. And I know I’m a better person for it.

  49. Teresa
    January 15, 2014

    I’m struggling with accepting this “divorce” after 13 yrs. I met my ex when I was 12. We started dating when I was 13. I moved with him after high school graduation to be with his family, a short yr later we broke up (that was 7 yrs later) after 8months of being apart he asked me if I’d get back together with him. We talked about marriage and kids and he needed to want that in order for us to get back together. I took some time thought about it and we became a couple again. So now almost five yrs later he said he’s not happy and is looking for his own place. I’m devastated. He is the one for me. 6months ago I brought up the thought of marriage and he told me he didn’t know if he could give me what I wanted but to act normal. That was hard but I tried. Every single day I knew in the back of my head he was going to leave me and he did. It’s heartbreaking. Why would you tell someone marriage can happen for us but then decide after four and a half yrs that it’s all the sudden not. He is 28. Me 24. He says he’s not happy, I think he is unhappy with himself and doesn’t know what he wants. I don’t know that he did this to hurt me or to let me go. He says it’s hard for him going through this break up but I want to call BS. He made the decision to end us, now that decision may or may not have come lightly but he made it so it can’t be as hard as it is for me, the one left in the dark trying to save us. I say divorce because after 13 yrs with someone and having bought furniture and Electronics having animals together, being an aunt to all these nieces and nephews watching them grow up, it’s not just a break up it’s like a divorce. When we moved after high school, we moved in with his sister her hubby and two kids. We have set goals to move out so that we could be us, when that date came he needed back surgery due to an injury that prior treatments weren’t working, needless to say it took up all the money saved to move out. So for the last 7yrs of living here they four have been in our relationship and that’s hard. He doesn’t see it, he thinks either way it’s the same, I disagree. My ex is a wonderful person so many great qualities but everyone knows when his mind is made up it’s made up and you aren’t a changing it, stubborn that way. I just don’t know how to live, how to move on from this when he’s all I know and I truely believe he is the one for me, he just can’t commit to me for some reason. I’m glad we never have an oops because that would have made things worse. I blame myself for bringing up the marriage, I feel that if we were able to move out and be ourselves it would have made a difference. Ladies, how do I do this?

    • Mia
      February 10, 2014

      Teresa my heart goes out to you. You did nothing wrong by bringing up marriage. You had been together so long, it was time to seal the deal and move up another level in your lives. I think he loves you but like you said, he’s stubborn and when his mind is made up,it’s done. I would suggest you honor his wishes, thoughit will be devastatingly hard for you, but maybe in the near future, once he sees that he’s missing something, like you, in his life, his stubbornness may take a backseat to his feelings. Good luck to you.

  50. julz
    January 17, 2014

    I thought I found something rare, but yet it wasn’t for me.
    I ended the lovestruck relationship despite everything. The good morning beautiful texts, the long talks, everything that we made eachother feel. He never cheated , we survived the long distance, but there was also something so obscure about it all. Behind that was the fights , the jelousy , the questions, that I just couldn’t deal with. I was being pulled further and further away, my flame was burning out. He said he would be there and reach out that we were perfect and resolved most of the issues between us many times, but the same topic was always brought up. I realized I wasn’t as happy as I was, amd I was just trying to be there for him . But I’m not

  51. Sarah
    January 22, 2014

    I’m trying to let go of a man that i thought i was going to be with forever.I kept pushing him away because i was scared to feel..i just came out of a 13 year abusive relationship so i was scared to open myself up.Now he says the trust is strained( because i kept running) and he can’t be “what we were right now but the connection is still there.” I am devasted..i let him in and now i’m not sure how to move past this..Please help:(

    • Lynn
      January 22, 2014

      @sarah – I am not sure you ever let yourself heal from your 13 yr relationship. You just rebounded into another one. Everything you experienced in that relationship you took into the next one. You need to be alone and work through the 13 yr relationship in order to be emotionally healthy not only for you but for the next person you decide to be in a relationship with. All the hurt and abuse from your previous relationship is what your ‘new’ man could feel. Check out two other websites that are helping me move on and work on myself…gettingpastyourbreakup.com and baggage reclaim. Start reading and start healing.

    • Melissa
      January 22, 2014

      Sarah! While this man may truly be confused himself, consider he may also be playing a noncommittal game. Perhaps he pursued you because it was safe, you weren’t ready. Now that you’re ready, he wants you at a distance, yet to keep you. Either way you will need patience, and a lot of it. He may need time to heal. If I were in your position, and thinking objectively, I’d start living my life as though there were no guarantees he’d be in it. Are there? If you start branching out and just taking care of yourself, i think he’ll pursue you again. whether he does or not, you’ll be better prepared for someone worthy of your attention. Pray about it. It will be if it’s meant to be. What do you really want for yourself? Journaling helps to look at things more objectively….gonna take some of my own advice. God bless you!

  52. Ana
    January 22, 2014

    A friend. Something bad and traumatizing happened to me at a party a year ago. She could have grabbed my hand and saved me from a huge thing. She left me. I tried to tell her and now she’s mad at me. I was expecting compassion and heart break that this happened to her friend. Instead I got defensive and hostile. I’ve cried for days and she doesn’t seem to care. I sent one last text last night. I’ve tried. The hard part is I work with her. I am heartbroken every day I have to see her. I’m acted she doesn’t like me anymore or actually thinks bad of me for what I did. I don’t have many friends. So losing one is hard. Any advice??

  53. Kate
    January 22, 2014

    I am a widow in my late 40s and finding the perfect fit is daunting. I don’t want to go much older, and I was spoiled by being with my late husband…honorable, funny, fit, handsome, sexy, smart. I know I won’t find someone like him again, but gosh, that’s what I am used to and what I want. I struggle with whether I will ever find a man that I don’t feel I am settling for. I am dating online and the ones I want don’t want me (ones like my husband) , but the ones I definitely don’t want are the ones messaging me. Am I doomed to just stringing together lots of short-term relationships? I dated a guy for two years, but it didn’t feel like a “good fit” and I was fine when it ended. It wasn’t exactly what I wanted, but it was fun and we loved each other. So where is the fine line? When do you settle? It is so difficult for someone my age to find a good guy. I truly think they are all still married…because they are GOOD GUYS! So ladies, appreciate your good guys. Because trying to find one in your late 40s TRULY SUCKS.

  54. Struggling
    January 22, 2014

    I have been struggling to leave a man who I love but does not treat me how I want to be treated. He doesn’t abuse me, treat me bad, or disrespect me but he doesn’t make me feel wanted or loved. He always has a list of excuses and puts his career before me. It has been 4 years and we are in the exact same place. No growth, or progress. As much as I love him, I dread our future together. The passion we once had is completely gone and I don’t feel like he values me and I’m not sure I value what he has to offer our relationship either. Yet, I do not want to let him go. I can’t imagine my life without him and also am terrified that he will get back with his ex if we break up, since she is just waiting for the opportunity. Again, he doesn’t do anything bad to me. But he doesn’t really do anything amazing either.

  55. Melissa
    January 22, 2014

    I’m so confused. I am in a relationship that has been on and off for 10 years and I don’t know if I’m supposed to let go or hang on. When its bad, its emotionally abusive, and there are times when I stoop to that level, soon to be feeling even worse and apologizing for my part in the discord. When its good, I’m comfortable and I don’t even think about the ugliness. I have even begun to notice some of the smaller affections and displays of love. The hardest times are when the arguing is belittling, condescending, unpredictable, and seemingly relentless….I begin to feel hopeless, I’m angry at myself for what I perceive to be bad choices, and I’m ready for a change. The obvious thing is to change myself, ending the relationship as I feel his expectations are unreasonable and his behavior unacceptable. I don’t know if I’m coming or going, and I don’t want to ignore those displays of love. Then again, in 10 years discussions of marriage seem to gravitate toward all the reasons that he won’t. There’s more, both good and bad. What should I be asking myself? I want to be able to make a decision to stay or end it and be confident in my decision.

  56. January 22, 2014

    Ladies, I am right there with you.. Divorce after a 25 year marriage just finalized in January. How does one just “stop” loving someone, claims he is not happy,and just doesn’t want to be married anymore? Did not even want to try and hold the marriage together, told me “You’ll never change”… when did marriage become a one person item? I thought it took 2? And just like some of you others, he seems to have moved on, but here I am dwelling….. how do you just let go? You had another “life” for the past 25 years, how do you pick up the pieces to start again? It is scary, especially when you are in your 50’s and thought he was the one to grow old with? If you have idea’s or suggestions… I am ready to hear them… Thank you all for sharing, it is a consolation that I am not alone, even though that is how I feel.

  57. January 22, 2014

    I am scared to trust anyone. I will never be able to date anyone because of a guy I was seeing & fell for then he just walked away. I was devestated. I don’t know what I did wrong. I was happier than I had been since the deathsof my husband & mother. I have no close family or children & I was so happy we had become more than friends. I have suffered so much loss in my life that I will never let myself be put in that position again. I no longer am crying constantly and am getting along better by myself. I look forward to the day I will join them in heaven.

  58. January 22, 2014

    I’ve was with this guy for ten yrs, we have 2 children. We have been broken up for 3. At first I was letting him come back and forth, but now I stopped it. But I can’t move on. Ive been single for the 3yrs. Because I don’t know what is wrong with me or is it the men. I know he doesn’t want to be back with me he has moved on. But I can’t let him go. I don’t know if I have just exhausted all possibilities that I will find someone. Help me shed a little light please.

  59. Jae
    January 22, 2014

    I dont want to let go, I have to.I have to let go because the man that I’ve loved for the past year was walking away from me. when we first got together he found out that the girl he was messing with before me waa pregnant. long story short she’s completely unable to take care of herself let alone the three children that she already has and he feels it’s his responsibility to be with her so he can take care of his child.unfortunately this leave me on the outside heartbroken and holding on to him when it very clear that I now need to let him go. the problem is I’m just not sure how I’m not sure how to walk away from someone that I love and I know loves me but a sticky situation is keeping us apart. I hate that we can’t be together but I understand why he needs to leave also because my last semester of school starts Monday and I need to focus on graduation and getting my life together. I know I need to let go but its hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life.

  60. David Lockwood
    January 22, 2014

    I’m struggling extremely hard with even coming to terms with the ideaof letting go of my ex-fiancee. We were together for two and a half years. In 2010 I had reconstructive knee surgery and I was being prescribed massive amounts of painkillers. And you need to know before then I was very strait laced, dependable and normal. 2 months after my surgery my son passed away due to complications after delivery and a month after that the woman I was with left me because she couldn’t handle everything. So needless to say I the pain meds kept coming and I couldn’t stop. Then I met her. The most perfect, loving caring woman I had ever met in my life. She was aware of my problem and was nothing but supportive of trying to help me. With my addiction came depression, stress, no enthusiasm for anything and shecontinued to be the glue in our relationship. This past June I finallyhad had enough and admitted myself to treatment for fear of she was almost done with me and I was dying. So I got clean, and have been since. But as the months went by her resentment grew and the fighting and distrust was never ending so in October I moved out to give her some space so we could work on things in a less destructive manner. Things never got better. I am finally on the road to where I need to be in my life. Got a really good job, a nice new car and just doing the right things she needed me to do in order to be with her. Two weeks ago she stopped responding to my texts and calls and eventually told me it was over and she was no longer in love with me. Then I find out this past weekend that a friend of mine saw her out at a bar with another man. So I’m just lost. What do I need to do to move foward?? Please any suggestions would help because I feel so alone like I’m the only person to ever have this happen.

  61. Jess
    January 22, 2014

    I’m struggling to let go of a relationship that failed me. The perfect guy (at the time) came into my life, gave me an opportunity to grow and see my own self-worth, but never appreciated me and the sacrifices i made for him, the support i consistently (and constantly!) doled out, and all of the work i put in to make our “we” as happy and successful as possible. The beginning is always amazing, but then the whole relationship just became stagnant. Because he let me be myself, i did a lot of self-discovery, and one of the things i unearthed from the dregs of this failing relationship was that I DIDN’T NEED HIM TO MAKE ME HAPPY. He wasn’t helping me be happy when we were together, so i re-learned how to be happy on my own. After the relationship ended, the friendship took a downward spiral as well…he just couldn’t see that my needs, while different from his, were still important. So i ended the friendship as well, because it wasn’t actually a friendship…i was the only one putting in any effort. I’m sooooooooooo much better off now, and i have an amazing group of friends supporting me, but i still sometimes regret having worked so hard to try to make something work that i knew, deep down, was doomed to fail. i get down on myself, and am still hurt by the fact that my “partner” just didn’t care about me as much as i deserve. Time heals all wounds, but it’s sill pretty rough. But again, i can’t even imagine still being trapped in that relationship, had i not had the strength to stand up and do what was right for me.

  62. Sadie
    January 22, 2014

    Letting go can be a relative phrase. Did I let go of him after years of affairs? Yes. After 23 years of marriage and two kids, you can’t let everything go…at least not easily. I have let go of any emotional and physical attachment without a doubt. I have nothing for the guy. It’s amazing how someone that you thought you knew so well, will show themselves to be so much less than what you believed to be true once you’re separated and then divorced. You watch them speak horribly of you and his own teenage behind our backs, but then present to others that our kids are the jewels of his eye. You watch as he tells everyone he knows how horrible you are and how you’ve stripped him of all financial stability as he slips into his all too familiar victim role, which he uses for their support and as a platform for the next of many women that he entertains now. It creates a bit of hatred because not only of what he is spreading about myself, but especially about his own kids. That part, I believe has been the hardest pill to swallow about all of this. He runs through women faster than most people run through money. The reason that I know this is because one of our children is still a minor and he I have to protect him from those that are pushed into his world by his father. I am contacted by his exes wanting clarification and to vent. I took the first two calls from the first two that I was made aware of, but refuse to take anymore. It would make your blood boil to hear such negativity coming from one that you were once married to and is the father of your children. Lies upon lies. How do you let go of him, he makes it quite easy. My problem is that I cannot let go of my desire to protect these women from his treachery and deceit as well as my desire to expose him for the disgrace that he truly is to those he surrounds himself with. I can’t let go of wanting a public outing of his lies and continued cheating. He even cheats on every single girlfriend that he’s had to date. I’ve never seen anything like it. I want justice. I’ve met and have been in a relationship with a lovely man who is very patient with this last issue that I need to release from that past life, but feels that I need to find a way to let it go. I simply don’t know how to do it. He’s got such a large group of friends, with a lot of them women, and they’re all being given different lies and stories. After knowing what is really going on, it just baffles me as to why these people believe him without question. Most are educated, professional types, so it simply doesn’t make sense that they buy into it so completely without even knowing me at all or reaching out to clarify when things don’t sound quite right. I want him exposed for the liar he is to these people. Worst part of this is that I don’t want to even care, but can’t let go of this desire to expose him. Any help would be appreciated.

  63. Stephenie
    January 22, 2014

    I had a relationship end in September. We started talking Sept 2012 online because he lived in another state but worked here from time to time. We started out as chat buddies but he would say things like I would make a great girlfriend. By February 2013 he gave us the gf/bf label. We did have a misunderstanding so we were quiet with each other for a bit but I thought everything was smoothed out. We spent about 3 days together in August and then in Sept I get a message from a woman letting me know he’d been with her and showed me instant messages between him and another woman, vulgar and explicit. I don’t believe the woman that told me was doing it to spare me. I think she wanted to rub it in my face and I had never even met the woman. Just 2 days before he messaged the other woman, he was telling me he was ready for me to meet his son. I’ve been a mess since then wondering what I did wrong. What I too insecure? Was I not pretty enough? He called me out of the blue right before Christmas and talked to me for an hour. I know I shouldn’t have talked to him, shouldn’t have even answered the phone, but I ached so much to hear his voice and hope that one day he would call and say he was finally ready to commit to a monogamous relationship. I haven’t heard from him since. Part of me hates it and part of me is glad. Letting go is just so hard and honestly I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready to open myself up to another man. It just hurts too much.

  64. Lourdes
    January 22, 2014

    After almost 12 years on my own, I met someone who made me rethink dating and giving myself the opportunity of a relationship. I let him pursue me and we spent countless months getting to know each other during our daily casual meetings and text messages before actually going on a date. He immediately labeled me as a “girlfriend”, but I never felt treated as such because he was very mysterious and kept a lot of his life very private. Long story short, one day, after spending most of an afternoon on a really nice date, he dropped me off and I have never heard from him again. He chose not to reply to my text messages and after 3 days I gave up and considered myself dumped right before the new year.
    The difficulty in letting go is not knowing what happened and the fact that such a nice, up front man, could not find it in his heart to give me an explanation and a clean slate to start my year.
    I know I’m strong enough to overcome the pain he caused me with his attitude and to get back to where I was before I met him. If I managed to overcome the break up with my son’s father, patch up my broken heart and learn to live alone after that, I can do it again. But it hurts to open your heart for someone after so long and end up being treated this way. I pray every day and night for God to grant me the strength to let go but it’s been less than a month and the pain seems to consume me at all times.

  65. Bobbie
    January 22, 2014

    I needed that this week. Thank you. Got together w an ex 10 months after he broke my heart – hoping we both had grown. Had a wonderful time catching up, loved the chemistry and love were still there — but even after hoping his suggestions for moving fwd together, I had to say enough is enough when he showed the same behaviors. Farewell.

  66. January 22, 2014

    Seriously one of the most beautiful and true things I’ve read in a long time. Letting go for the greater good is so hard. I loved this!

  67. Simone
    January 22, 2014

    I am happy I read this. There is not one but two guys that I was holding on to. I wanted a relationship with both (NOT at the same time). One was a rebound from the other guy who broke my heart real bad. Sometimes we really need time to be by ourselfs before we end up by ourselfs. Now I am taking things slow and learning to love me first.

  68. Vanessa
    January 22, 2014

    Letting go makes you feel FREE!!!
    I was married for 17 years, my ex left me & the kids for another woman. I had no job, no money (he took his 10,000-12,000/month with him) etc. I was devistated!! I thought we were happy. I was a mess! In bed crying for two months while the bills piled up. My teenage daughter brought me out of my slump. She said, ” I don’t want to be here at home anymore. How you act is affecting me & my brother. Get up! Go get a job! Knock it off!!”
    I had no idea that my kids were not only affected by their father leaving us, but were continuing to be affected by my actions.
    I had a job a week later, started dating again (very different from when I was only 19), and took a trip to Japan with my daughter.
    I keep my house how I want, I make my own decisions, I have my own checking account, I feel responsible for my children and for me and I am happier than I have ever been! Love dating by the way. I’m 38 and I tend to date guys that are 10 years younger than me. What fun!
    I still struggle financially sometimes as I am lucky if I see any of the $2,300/mth/child support that I am supposed to receive, but I know that I am doing my best and I am so very proud of myself as a mother and mostly as an independant woman.
    Just remember, YOU GOT THIS GIRL!! Believe in YOURSELF!

  69. mae
    January 22, 2014

    I was in what I thought to be my happy ever after. 9 years went by with my ex boyfriend with what I thought was the first and only relationship I would be in. I thought he was just waiting that we both get our licenses as Doctors before we finally settled down. But alas, he chose to lie and cheat just before the exams. It was a bit easier to move forward and suppress the feelings while studying to get my license. So I thought I had moved on. After we both got our licenses, he came back and told me that he loved me and not the other girl. He sweet talked his way back into my life making me hopeful that maybe my happy ever after can still come true. Unbeknownst to me, he was still having a relationship with the other girl and had apparently gotten her pregnant. When I found out, the feelings of hopelessness came back. To add onto the injury, they both had the audacity to go around the small medical community, where we are all part of, spreading lies that the only reason that he came back to me was because I was a paranoid, suicidal ex girlfriend and they felt that if he left me I would hurt myself, hence the reluctance to let me go. This really hurt me a lot. Imagine all the plans you have envisioned of getting married and having a family being crushed. Furthermore, your career might be put in jeopardy with all the lies they are spreading about you. How can you move on from that? This has really made me depressed and questioning if I can even realize my dreams of having a family. I know I am lucky in that I wasn’t married to him uet before this happened, but how do you move forward from this?

  70. JD
    January 22, 2014

    I seem to keep this guy around that is probably no good for me, yet I can’t seem to let him go and I’m afraid too and I’m not sure why?

  71. Jackie
    January 22, 2014

    I have not been able to get the guy out of my head that I just left after a 14-year relationship. The man I left was NOT the man I fell in love with. I know he is NOT right for me, but miss that man I loved. Letting go by setting off balloons with writing on seems like such a good idea! Will take the time this weekend to release the bad memories. Thank you.

  72. Jennifer
    January 22, 2014

    So many things a best friend a guy but that is just what I needed to read thanks ~

  73. MMMona5
    January 22, 2014

    On 1/13/14 I divorced my husband of 17 years. Together 18 years & 4 beautiful kids later. After trying so hard to keep my family together, I realized I’d had enough. I decided to walk away with my kids & leave him behind. I did everything a wife was suppose to do to have a successful marraige & it was never enough to keep him faithful. I realized I could do this & cry now bc of the chapter of my life I was closing. Or I could stay stuck in this chapter & cry for the rest of my life. I finally have peace of mind. I am happy

  74. BoMshellDiva
    January 22, 2014

    Hope. That thing that we all know SO very well to consume us, and incapacitate our minds to the truth…REALITY. We want the fairytale endings with the wolves in sheeps clothing, but at the end of the day we KNOW that the wolf will eventually get hot and have to take off his wool to unmask his true identity.

    Having high hopes and creating the rest of your life with someone you barely know…but it feels right bc you are both comfortable with each other; so you decide to move SO fast that things spiral out of control and you end up fighting for his love but end up hurt in the end when you find out you’re having his baby while he is with someone else.

    How do you let go of having to work with the “other girl” and the big bad wolf at the same time? How do you recover from having salt continuously being thrown into your wounds by people who know naught? How do you get rid of the resentment you try to mask for your child’s father for giving you false hope of a future he knew was never there AND for breaking up the family?

    Lesson learned: When a guy says he isn’t ready for a relationship, don’t try to stick around to be the one he DECIDES to be with when he is ready bc you end up wasting your time and you may let your “knight in shining armor” slip away..

    I WILL be trying the balloon release method. Thanks 🙂

  75. India
    January 22, 2014

    I’m letting go of friends who don’t put in the same effort as I do in a friendship and also any guy in my past who didn’t take me serious.

  76. Sophie
    January 22, 2014

    Hi, reading these words have made me realised that it’s time for me to also say goodbye. Goodbye on a relationship of 4 years with a guy who is married with a 5yrs old son but told me that his marriage is over. He doesn’t have feelings for his wife anymore. We lived together for 4 years and a beautiful princess is born out of this relationship. After my daughter got 2 months, He now tells me that his wife is pregnant of 2 months and that he will be father again. We are no more together but he still calls and wonder why I am so upset. I know I have to let go and forget the past but it’s so hard. I pray GOD everyday to give me courage but mostly for my daughter to forgive me…

  77. Heather
    January 22, 2014

    I am struggling with letting go an ex-husband. We was together for almost 17 yrs and married for 15. We have 2 children together. He cheated on me and was mentally abusive to me. I feel like I’m broken ,something is wrong with me. Nothing I ever did was good enough for him. I know it sounds crazy but how do I let go all of that hate & anger I have We have been divorced almost a year.

  78. Evelyn
    January 23, 2014

    I been with my baby daddy for 15yjust found out he been date this girl about 7,8,y off on while still with me he move out house October-13,last year but he still came over for sex,had me think he need space,come fine out she been out their with him everyday, my heart broke in pieces stop talk him about 3week but gave in to his lies again,now I think they live together but he tex me & tex him like nothing going on I lv this man so much, so I tryed let him have her & my self,but now he only come over when won’t sex then leave never stay all night anymore,drive her car come see me please help me!!

  79. Stephanie
    January 23, 2014

    WoW! Just read this and this part was speaking directly to me, “But chin up, kid. You’re more resilient than you think you are. Sometimes it REALLY is as easy as opening your hand and releasing the person or thing you’ve been clinging so tightly to.” Thank you! I needed this. I’m struggling sooo bad to try to ‘release’ him.

  80. Ellenore
    January 23, 2014

    I’m holding on to past memories of hurt dissapointment and emotional abuse , 8 years after my hubby died I met one of my school and sunday school friends , after a new friendship of almost a year he ask me whether I’m ready to start dating cause he fell inlove with me . After a long consideration I decided it was time to move on ! Wow! My first two years was heaven someone so thoughful and caring and doing everything for me and my kids , he spoiled me , buying me the most expensive gifts, clothes and holidays . I absolutely had to buy nothing for myself , he bought everything including groceries meat vegetables clothes jewellery perfume lingerie make up ! I even had to park my car and drove one of his latest cars . I felt as if God answered my prayers ! After two years the trouble started he starts finding fault with every friend and family member around me ! I couldn’t visit my friends and family anymore ! I couldn’t go to any mall to buy anything ! He was on the phoone with me constantly to find out where I am and what I do! He start to time my route from my work home and visa versa ! I was completely isolated ! I couldn’t speak with anybody on the phone ! Any man that I speak to whether friend or family he accuse me of having an affair with ! My entire life was around him and his kids, he put pressure on me to change the lives of my kids and they couldn’t handle it so they decided to move to my mothers house ! That was so in his plan and I was now completely his to manipulate and control ! I had to do just what he wants me to do ! He would insult me infront of people , humiliate me infront of people , pretend was part of my daily life ! I couldn’t complain by no one cause he made it evident that he gave me the best of everything , I couldn’t be a few minutes late than he would have undress me to feel if I was intimate with another man ! I couldn’t buy anything for myself cause he will say its another man, I could not have extra money than it would have been I had to get it from another man ! My life and all my properties including my salary was completely controlled by him , I was completely scared of him but I loved him so deeply that I stayed for six years isolated ! Physically and mentally abused , I had no life of my own always being low on energy ! Late at work , no strength to live anymore , always sick , just waiting for him to come , whilst he was entertaining other woman , having friend and his exes over to his house ! Having relationships with other woman , going on holidays with other woman or his exes , my self Esteem, confidance, independance were crushed , I felt low completely low but I stayed believing he still love me and it would change , I was instructed not to be on any social network whilst he was there ! Hell was the remainder four years I paid a prize for the good life that I was suppose to have had from him ! I eventually lost my job cause my focus wasn’t there anymore ! I eventually walk away last year february when another woman called me and told me that she hope I respect their relationship cause soon they will be married ! He was a liar ! A cheat! An abuser , and still deny being in a relationship with this woman and he was seen publicly with this woman and he was still traumatizing me and following me! And treatening me ! Accuzing me until I had to call the Law in to help ! Today I’m unemployed ! Struggling to make ends meet ! Isolated ! Building my confidence, self esteem and independance up again is not easy ! Reconsiling with my family and friends is not easy and yet when I look at him his prospering and I’m completely stuck ! I’m holding on to the past of pain , bitterness , rejection , hurt , dissapointment and abuse of these unbearable years but deep down I still love this man and he has moved on , but yes I’m stuck completely holding on to the past , cannot trust any man , to scared of going into a relationship , thank you so much I got a chance to admit to what I’m holding onto

    • Chrissy
      January 23, 2014

      Ellenore I totally sympathize with you as I’m going through part of what you said in your blog. I’ve been with J for eight years now. We live in the same block of flats. He spoils me rotten pays for my food, clothes , weekends away, I want for nothing. On the other hand he’s possessive , jealous of my freinds, dosnt want me to do anything without him. Hel even put any work off if I need to go anywhere. The thing is that since knowing him I’ve tried and tried to end it because I don’t love him. I’ve told him this and tried to finish with him but he won’t have it. He’s worn me down so much that I’m ill most of the time with depression and chronic pain. He’s obsessed with me and I fall soft every time not just because of his hurt but also I’m so scared of being on my own. I’ve lost all my confidence as well as not being able to work anymore with Fibromyalgia We live in the same bulding so it would be so hard not to see him. My family arnt keen on him and my dad hated him. I feel so stuck. The only way out would be to leave my flat but I can’t afford to do that.

  81. IAC
    January 23, 2014

    I am trying to let go of a relationship that is no longer a relationship. In th midst of several changes happening in my life I must let go of fear. I am going to do the balloon exercise as soon as I can. I must! Thank you

  82. Mero
    January 23, 2014

    i really have aboy ,we only friends ,but really i like him ,he like me too but i don;t know ,he like me as afriend or as agirl he love ..so i want to go away but what can i say to him ? i like u and i can’t treat with u as afriends ..and at the same time i can’t contniue our friendship it hurts me becouse i think of him not as afriend ,may be he like another girl and treat me in this way but like friend ,so i don’t know what can i do ,or when i go away what can i say to him ?we can’t be friends becouse i love you ??

    • Gunjan Maggu
      April 28, 2014

      Hi mero!

      By reading this post of yours, I felt lie i’m reading my own life’s story. There had been a guy in my life, a friend but not just a friend for me. He is my first love. I also remained in this state only, didnt ever tell him how i felt for him

    • Gunjan Maggu
      April 28, 2014

      Hi mero!

      By reading this post of yours, I felt lie i’m reading my own life’s story. There had been a guy in my life, a friend but not just a friend for me. He is my first love. I also remained in this state only, didnt ever tell him how i really felt for him. I was afraid that i might lose him as a friend also. But one day itbecame necessary for me to tell him about my feelings and by then it was too late. He had a somebody in his life then. So i would advice you girl, just tell him how you feel now so that whatever may happen then, either you’ll get your person for life or else you’ll get sufficient time to move on from him. But atleast you’ll know the truth, he’s yge one for you or not.or maybe some other prince charming is waiting for you somewhere. 😉
      Fingers crossed.
      Be happy girl. 🙂

  83. vee
    January 23, 2014

    I met this guy 12mnths ago, love at first sight from my side, I firmly believed that he is the one for me, refuse to believe otherwise………….he made it clear by his actions that he is just not that into me………..I have been trying to let go, but every time I go quiet he will contact me and force his way back into my life….I have accepted the fact that we are just friends and he will never love me the way I do……..however, I still give him too much of myself emotionally and physically, when he needs me I am there for him, when he hurts I hurt more, yet he does not even listen when I talk to him, its all about him and his friends who dont give a damn about him………………..how do i let go………………..if i ignore his calls it hurts me too much, i cant tell him not to contact me, cos I fear loosing him, i cant tell him how I feel about him, yet my actions shows clearly, I am too scared to tell him what I require from him as a friend………………I dont know what and how to do it, all I know is that I love him deeply

  84. jana
    January 23, 2014

    I have been dating a classmate of mine. But i know he will be back home after graduation. Its been 6 years since he went back home and i cant forget him. He is still in my heart. But he never said he will come back for me or maybe do things for me. He dont communicate often to me. Or even just say hi or how are u. I guess i need to let him go and accept that i just have to move on with my life without him.

  85. January 23, 2014

    Ive been in a relationship with this guy and we were fyn until six months later he marries someone else. Am diverstated and up to now, seven months have gone by but i cant let go and am getting sick of my self

  86. Kimber
    January 23, 2014

    I met someone and it was love at first sight for both of us. However, I had just broke up with my boyfriend of 17 years one month before I met him. I loved him but I was confused and broke his heart. As he was telling me loved me and I thought we were working things out, he was also starting to date another woman and gave up on us in a heart beat. When I realized it was him that I wanted it was too late. Now I can’t forgive myself and I miss him every day and fear I will never have that passionate love again.

  87. Linda
    January 23, 2014

    I am struggling with getting a divorce after 30 yrs. I thought I met my best friend ever (male) 2 yrs ago platonic relationship. Things changed he moved 3 hrs away and said no one would ever stop us from talking. Well he is trying to hook up with someone and she is so jealous. My struggle comes from not being able to call and chat any more. I feel defeated once again.

  88. Natalie
    January 23, 2014

    What if you KNOW someone is right for you and you are pretty sure he knows it too. But he is scared. I recently dated someone who apparently was still damaged by what his ex did to him. She manipulated him and dragged him through the mud and cheated on him. He got over it and decided to date again, but I don’t think he meant to meet ME, a great girl. I think he just decided to go on dates and see what was out there. He all the sudden vanished. He has kind of fallen off the grid. Everyone thinks he is going to come back when he is ready as it’s not like him to not be honest and not tell people how he feels – which is why I am so shocked he hasn’t reached out to me. What do I do? Hold on to sole faith and hope he comes back when he is healed and ready? Or move forward, but keep him in the back of my mind? Or just move forward completely? My heart keeps telling me not to completely t I’ve forward yet. But I don’t know.

  89. Haley
    January 23, 2014

    Mandy, I love your posts, I find them so inspiring! I have struggled recently with letting someone go who was no longer good for me, so this really hit home for me.
    I agree that physically getting rid of something helps the process, however I MUST object to you releasing ballons!! Released balloons pose a HUGE threat to wildlife. Thousands of animals die every year due to ingesting or becoming tangled in the ballons. Even ballons that claim they are “biodegradable” take 6 months or more to degrade, leaving plenty of time for animals to be harmed by them.
    Thank You.

  90. Deb
    January 23, 2014

    I ended my 6 yr relationship on 12th December 2013. He was a workaholic but still seemed to make time for everyone but me. We never went anywhere or did anything together. I sat home alone most nights while he was at work. I planned my life around his working hours. He went on his Christmas party on 11th December, stayed out all night and came home next day with make up on his shirt which he said he got from ‘dancing with people’ It seemed everyone else got the ‘fun guy’ and I got the boring workaholic. It was game over there and then. I threw him out and he didn’t put up a fight. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do and I doubted my decision initially but now I know I 100% made the right decision. The difficult part now is that we work in the same office so have to see each other every day! He sent me a text on Christmas Eve to tell me he loved me and he hadn’t wanted us to end! He left me very easily considering he hadn’t wanted us to end which I put down to guilt. He treats me like I don’t exist at work which is fine if that’s how he wants to deal with it. Makes it that little but easier for me. Time is a great healer. It’s only been 6 weeks but feels more like 6 months. I wouldn’t go back there for all the money in the world.

  91. kee
    January 23, 2014

    I am struggling to let go of my exboyfriend who I was with for 8 years he left me about 3 years ago. He has moved on to another relationship and clearly let go of me. It is so hard to not get the answers or explanations that I want. I think am over the lost relationship but losing my best friend has been really hard to get over.

  92. Nancy
    January 23, 2014

    What happens if u have a child together and u will never have that man out your life?. How do you let go and move forward with him always there? What if you’re not sure if you should let go because it might work out in the future but nows not the right time?

  93. Deb Dickerson
    January 23, 2014

    I am a sigle mother who has been living in wv for 17 years now with my family living elsewhere. I had 2 babies throughout the years. I never wanted to take my children away from thier dads family. Living in a place raising two kids without support is nothing i would wish on anyone. It has come with many lonely nights and it has taught me how precious and vital it is for ones journey to family around you. It has caused me to really miss my family and separated by a great distance i have many family members i have yet to meet. I crave the support that having family close provides. I am finally in a position to move back home knowing i have tried everything in my power to ensure that my children have a close relationship with thier family on their dads side. However sadly neither one of my children have family members that are interested enough or responsible enough ( they have had their legal parental rights removed by a judge) to be a part of thier lives. Thus leaving all 3 of us in a state without family. I am letting go of that obligation now. They have had 15 years to get it right and i feel that is enough. I will start my new life with the family i grew up with and all of thier children with the family i created. Its been a long time coming.

  94. nyer
    January 23, 2014

    @30 im still a single..but i had a relationship to a married man for 3 years now..i love him, i really do.and he loves me as much as i love him..but i know this is bad, it is immoral especially in the eyes of GOD..i want to quit, i want to end this relationship,.i want to let go of the feelings, but he could not accept it, he does not want to let me go.. i want to live a normal life so i could find someone, someone who could love me despite my past..someone whom i called to be mine..

  95. Manda
    January 25, 2014

    I was in a relationship with a guy for a little over a year…I was extremely happy and really loved (still love) him. He made a decision that he wanted to get his life straight, rehab, and he was going away to do it. I knew he had a problem but not the depth of it 🙁 well he left to go back home for a few days before going to rehab. In the time he was home he stopped talking to me until I finally asked something that I knew he would respond to. At that point he told me, through text, that I was a good girl but it wasn’t going to work…that’s all I get after a year? He went to rehab, from what I’m told by his sister and mom. I have not heard from him in almost 2 months. My heart is completely broken, I still love him but am at the point were I need to let go and I don’t know how. To me that text was not a significant closure for a year+ relationship where we were so close. Any suggestions?

  96. Jodi
    January 28, 2014

    I was successful in letting go of a marriage that lasted 16 years. After a good year, I felt I was ready to move on. I opened my heart to a wonderful man. He was my other half and my children loved him. A year into the relationship, I began to struggle with work and 3 teenagers and didn’t communicate with him the way I should have. We decided on some space, but to keep communicating. Two weeks ago we talked, and then this week I contacted him to say we need to continue to work on our relationship. He had moved on. Told me he loved me and the kids, but needed to move on. Very hurtful. Guess he wasn’t the man I thought he was. How do you walk away from love – your other half – without having a conversation about it?

  97. B
    February 28, 2014

    I’ve been married 24 years, I have never lived by myself. I moved from my moms house straight into his house and have been there since I was 18 (he is 15 years my senior) I am struggling with leaving him. I don’t know how to do it. We never talk, we never go anywhere together and I can’t see my friends anymore and he get’s mad if I am at the store too long. I work and go home, I do nothing else, he won’t let me. He hasn’t worked in a year and a half and he hangs out with our neighbor daily and they talk on the phone all night and text between calls (neighbor is a guy), and I pay for everything on my small income. I feel so much guilt in leaving him alone and also…what if he doesn’t let me leave? I have dealt with this for YEARS and YEARS. I feel I have to go but I have no idea how to do it. It’s destroying me! The door is right there but I can’t open it.

  98. Chelsea
    May 22, 2014

    I am a 33 year old woman who is having trouble letting go of my ex boyfriend who I have been involved with for 5 years. At the beginning of our relationship things were perfect. He swept me off my feet and made me feel like a queen. After about a year I noticed changes in our relationship. I began to lose myself in the relationship, I began to isolate myself from friends and family, and his expectations seemed to increase more and more. He began to show signs of distrust, insecurities, jealousy, and possessiveness while I remained 100% loyal to him. I began to walk on eggshells hoping not to create any disturbance in our relationship. We were constantly off and on due to his behavior and bad attitude. After being off and on at our two year mark, I began to reach out to a male friend who lived on the opposite coast. He provided friendly comfort where we talked about life, music, shows, work, anything and everything that brought a smile to my face. Whenever my ex and I would get back together I would stop talking to my friend out of respect for my relationship. During one of our break ups I planned to meet up with my friend in another state close to him as I would be attending a conference. One week before flying out my ex and I got back together. I felt bad about canceling my plans to meet up, so I didn’t cancel. Although I felt lots of guilt about being sneaky and dishonest, I tried to have a good time. My friend and I met up on two occasions while I was at the conference. Once for lunch and once for drinks. While we were out having drinks, he took a picture of us and emailed it to me. Everything about us hanging out was innocent. My friend was very respectful and at no point did he cross any boundaries. Upon my return home I kept my communication with my friend at a minimum but would pick up communication when my ex and I would break up. Three and a half years into the relationship I was tired of all the drama, back and forth, the bad attitude, his inability to accept his faults and unaccountability so I walked away. Swearing that would be the last time I would ever be with him, I began to reach out to my friend. The more we talked the more I began to like him. It was comforting and kept my mind off things with my ex. I agreed to meet up with my friend that summer on the opposite coast, however; while I was out there I realized how much I loved my ex and accepted that my friend and I would be just that…..friends. When I returned home, my ex began to contact me again and I fell right into the same cycle as before. We got back together and decided to move in together. Immediately upon my return home I had stopped talking to my friend. Two months into moving in with my ex, he went through my email and found old pictures and emails that were sent between my friend and I. That day he called me out of my name and called me a cheater and kicked me out of his house. I understood he felt angry, hurt, devastated and heartbroken and simply allowed him to say anything he needed to say to me. I whole heartedly apologized for being dishonest and sneaky but tried explaining to him that nothing sexual EVER happened between us. I accepted that although nothing sexual happened between us, I was in fact cheating. We decided to remain together and work things out and if at any point I felt like I was walking in eggshells, it was then increased 50 times more at this point. I tried my best to swallow the hurtful things he would say, answer any questions he had, constantly reported my whereabouts but it began to feel like a prison. I was so unhappy that I made the painful decision to move out. I was unclear with how much pain it was acceptable for me to receive. Although I moved out we tried to work on things living in different homes. It’s been like this for 1.5 years and nothing seems to get better. At 32 years old, I can’t help but think of children and marriage and it hurts to imagine living a life on eggshells while being married and having children. In my 30s I feel like it’s becoming a waste of time. I feel like I’m not getting any younger and marriage and children are unrealistic in this relationship. It hurts really bad because I love him with all my heart and would love for him to be my husband and the father of my children but I don’t have any more time to waste. I’m so sad and heartbroken and don’t know how else to show him I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused him. I’m sad that he may never know or understand that I am sorry but I’m not getting any younger.

  99. Millie
    June 22, 2014

    I held on to a guy that I met through a friend. He was in the military. He came home to visit me–(he was stationed elsewhere), we hung out and made a connection like I’ve never made before. He had to go back to where he was stationed, and I asked where this (me and him) was going. He never gave me a clear answer he just said that he can’t do long distance relationships but when he comes back and I’m single he would love to see me again. He also said that if he were living by me things would be very different. I know the usual story. I cried of course. I fell hard for him. I am hesitant to say I was falling in love with him. He also left me with this “I don’t know what we can do, we can either go to get married right now, or just see how things will go.” Obviously I clung to what he said and took the getting married to the extreme..thought too much into it. That statement stuck with me for a year and a half. He came back for a wedding. He and I were in it. I thought it was fate that we were brought together again. We met to talk about things, I told him I still have feelings for him but, he kind of gave me the same answer. At the wedding he made no effort to come to talk to me (neither did I). Now he leaves again. I know he’s not the one God intended for me to end up with, but why is it so hard to get over him? I held on for a year and a half. I want to call him, but I know that will only bring more torment to my heart. We left without saying goodbye. I guess it’s better that way.

  100. Helen
    July 14, 2014

    My boyfriend just broke up with me 5 weeks ago. I am 32 this year and really want a family. Although it is really hard to be with a person like him, I managed to do so for the past year. I love him so much at a point that even I knew it was not meant to be, I just can not leave him. But, till he all of a sudden broke up with me, I am sad and relief. I don’t know about the future, I don’t know which one is better: whether being single and looking for someone, waiting for years, compared to settle with some one you love but not fit. I have to say, waiting in YEARS is really hard. But, I accept it. Life goes on, maybe one day, I will find someone, but before that, I am myself and my life is meaningful.

  101. eunice
    September 14, 2014

    I am truly overwhelmed with the inspiring stories shared on this page and all i can say is thank you. Thank you to all those who has given me a chance to know how they overcame their struggles in letting go and moving on. You truly inspire me. I am only 25 years old but on the edge of an 8 year relationship. , having read all of your storiesmade me realizethat there’s still hope for me and my child. GOD BLESS .

  102. Ellen
    September 25, 2014

    I was in a relationshio with a guy for nearly for years. In the second year of our relationship, he broke up with me. He said he needed to figure things out, and that we could still be friends. I was devastated as I thought he was the one. About two months later he came back, begging for forgiveness, and asked for a second chance. I accepted him back, and things were great. We spent more time together, got to know each other’s families better, went travelling etc… About six months ago, he started acting cold again. He was very distant, and barely made anytime for me. This lead to many arguements, as he would always cancel plans with to go drinking with his colleagues. He started really changing amd even started smoking. Eventually we had a really bad arguement n didn’t speak for a while. He then called me n said that things weren’t working out between us, and that we would be happier apart. He went on to say that he realised that he loves me more like a sister then a girlfriend. It was so painful to hear, amd two months later im still so hurt. He looks so happy without me, and I feel as if I was a burden to him all these years. How do I let go of this? Im scared to hear that he’s with someone new, although I know this is inevitable. Any suggestions?

  103. The Lighter shade of blue
    October 16, 2014

    I recently got out of a very toxic relationship..He brought absolutely nothing to the table, he was selfish and it was always just about him. Everything else came before me. The loneliest and most unloved I’ve ever felt was with him. And he never could understand how much his actions hurt me. In the end I stopped believing that he loved me when he told me that he did. It was not possible to love someone and do to them what he was doing to me. I’m still angry with myself for staying so long when it was clear that he just wasn’t that into me. I tried multiple times to leave but he would he always fought to get me back with empty promises. I cant believe how much I settled and how badly i allowed myself to be treated. The way he treated me….#SMH

  104. Cherie hill
    December 28, 2014

    All the stories I have read I could take a piece of each one and apply it to my relationship. I have been with my husband since 1996 we have been married 9 years and have a 14 year old son. We have been through a lot together him losing people that are very close to him and me being by his side but he has also lied cheating and could also have a 3 year old daughter things have been very bad the last 3 years he is an alcoholic and I have honestly lost myself I am tired and ready to leave at this point he leaves and stays out all night but says he is happy I’m confused by his actions.It is a few days before the new year and I know I have to make this first big step in my life for me and my happiness my son is old enough he understands and told me he is going to support me in what ever decision I make I really just want to be happy tired of being miserable.

  105. […] do you let go and move on from ANYTHING in your life that no longer fits, no longer works, no longer brings you joy but pain, […]

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Something wonderful is on the horizon
Life doesn’t always look the way we want it to look. In Mandy’s upcoming book, Turn Toward the Sun: Releasing What If and Embracing What Is, you’ll find encouragement to live in the moment, sit with your experiences, and trust God with the unknown.
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Something wonderful is on the horizon
Turn Toward the Sun CoverLife doesn’t always look the way we want it to look. In Mandy’s upcoming book, Turn Toward the Sun: Releasing What If and Embracing What Is, you’ll find encouragement to live in the moment, sit with your experiences, and trust God with the unknown.
Preorder from Baker Book House for 40% off and free shipping!*
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*US shipping only