Be a first place girl, not a just in case girl
Most of us have read “He’s Just Not That Into You,” or at least seen the movie. We know the rules. We know the score. We can weigh in on our friends’ love lives with perfect clarity, giving them advice, showing them the error of their ways; but yet, when it comes to our own lives…and to that ONE guy…the one that makes us weak in the knees…the one that can pluck at our heart strings with both hands tied behind his back…the one that we hear the opening chords of “Take My Breath Away” every time he’s within a 50 mile radius…our girl power goes out the window faster than you can say “I am woman, hear me roar.” This guy is our blind spot. Our strongest weakness. Our kryptonite. Our Justin Case.
Justin Case (more commonly known as “Just In Case”) is a smooth operator. He knows how to push our buttons. He knows how to get under our skin. He knows how to offer just enough of himself to keep us hooked, sometimes for months and even years at a time. He doesn’t really want us to stay, but he doesn’t really want us to go. He doesn’t ever come out and say yes, but he also doesn’t ever say no. No matter how black or how white we need the terms of our relationship to be, we are willing to stay in a perpetual state of gray just to keep him around. We quite obligingly allow ourselves to take up residence in Relationship Purgatory because we’re not willing to give up the ghost and move on, but we’re also not willing to give up the most and sign on for what could be a life of always being second place. And therein lies the crazy, tragic, sometimes almost magic conundrum of Justin Case.
Here’s the bad news: Justin Case will be perfectly content to keep you around, indefinitely, JUST IN CASE something “better” never comes along. And here’s the real kicker: his definition of “something better” usually involves someone that is clearly inferior to the fabulousness that is YOU. For whatever reason, somewhere along the way, he started to see you as the “safe” choice, the in-between girl, the backup plan. Not because you are any of those things but because he is incapable of seeing you clearly enough to realize the diamond he has standing right in front of him. Perhaps his blinders are there out of fear, or immaturity, or (as much as we hate to admit this) maybe he simply prefers Jello to Crème Brulee and no matter how many times you hand him the menu, he’s going to keep choosing Jello. Whatever his reasoning, do you really want to spend another second waiting around for him to realize how incredible you are? Or do you want to make today the day you move on to someone who wants to rock your world, and wants to blow your mind, and will never hand your glass slipper to the wicked stepsister when he has Cinderella standing right in front of him?
Here’s the good news: You’re not a “just in case” girl. You’re a first place girl. When you realize you’re worth so much more, it won’t be so hard to finally close that door! You have to know when to say when to what might have been and get in line with what can still be. The hardest part is realizing his part in your story is over. Yes, you were crazy about him. No, you can’t just make your feelings disappear like magic. And yes, it’s probably going to hurt for awhile. But here’s the best part: You are stronger than even your strongest weakness. Know your power, lady! There is no one that you are not strong enough to walk away from, so put on your best stilettos and start walking! If he can’t say yes, it’s time for you to say no and GO. The time for hesitation is over. The Future is waiting; and it will never fight with the Past to get your attention. And once you’ve made the decision to move on, don’t look back. You will never find your Future in the rearview mirror.
Ultimately, Justin Case might have been one of those fun tunes to hum along to for awhile, but you can only sing the chorus over and over for so long before you realize the record is skipping; never moving back but also never moving forward. It’s time to stop singing the chorus and start rewriting the verses. Remember: Mr. Right will recognize the music of your heart and sing along to a tune that could never be heard by Mr. Wrong. So go ahead, First Place Girl. Rock his world. In life and in love, there are no points for second place. Mark this night as the night you moved on from Justin Case.
hi mandy, you just dont know how much your stories, writings and sharing have help me clarify what my heart have been telling me all along. now more that ever im clear that if a relationship does not give me peace, real love and assurance then it does not deserve my best. keep on writing and inspiring. God bless you. May God’s best find you soon.
Hello mandy! I’m so speechless with this article because, I WAS a justin case! Thank you for making me realize that I deserve to be a first place girl…please, continue writing inspiring blogs! You are amazing!! 🙂
I was also just recently a Just In Case girl but I have grown to love myself more and more and realise my potential and what I truly deserve and so a couple of weeks ago a sent a text that ended my role as a Just In Case Girl and I felt the most free I have ever felt in my life and let me tell you, miracles started happening as soon as I closed one door, all other magical doors have started to open. My goal now is to STAY TRUE TO ME.
Thanks for your amazing posts Mandy and thank you for all you girls out there who support one another and are not afraid to express themselves.
Just got out of a relationshit where I am the second place a few days ago. I just wanted to start the year right, I must say. Been in a rough two years with him and I admit it’s going to be hard leaving but really, a lot of damages has been done esp to my self-esteem. This post is just so timely, I felt nature used this as an instrument to talk to me. Very empowering 🙂 I say goodluck to that man and his first place girl. Here’s to the start of my life’s new chapter and I claim everything will be magically in favor of me this time. XO
I did not realize I was a just in case girl until my husband of 10 years walked out on me. I did not find out until afterwards that he Had Never Stopped Looking for Something Better. Had never stopped “trying out” something better….
Kicked my self-esteem in the teeth – But I got over it! I deserve better than that, better then a “Jello Man!”
You put it so well, Mandy 🙂 We ALL deserve to be a First Place Girl!
The truth in this piece has absolutely torn me to bits. My heart needed to see the light. Thank you for the wake up call.
Just read your ” Just in Case” article. Loved it. I feel empowered. Thank u ❤
I recently just in case girl, and I decide I don’t to be that girl. I worth to get more than it, but I think is not easy especially when you see that guy just fine and look happy. Thanks for the article Mandy this helpful, even now I still mourn but I want to be the first place girl.
I recently just in case girl, and I decide I don’t to be that girl. I worth to get more than it, but I think is not easy especially when you see that guy just fine and look happy. Thanks for the article Mandy this helpful, even now I still mourn but I want to be the first place girl. And I want he see me in the eyes that I’m not the same girl he knows anymore.