How NOT to lose a guy in ten days (Part 2)
So we’ve delved deep into the minds of our male counterparts to explore the first 5 ways not to lose a guy in 10 days, but ladies, we’ve only scratched the surface of these magical, mystical creatures we call men. If you want to transform Mr. Right Now into Mr. Right, there are certain attitudes and behaviors you have to drop like a bad habit if you have any hope of waltzing into the sunset with your Prince Charming. As women, we tend to overthink things, to obsess, to stress and to worry our way right out of a relationship before it even gets off the ground. Like Kate Hudson’s Andi Anderson in “How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days,” we often find ourselves over-loving the life right out of our love lives. You have to leave space in your romance if you want it to dance, and you have to give room to your guy if you want his heart to fly. The bottom line is, all is NOT fair in love and war. To put our best foot forward (in our sexiest stiletto, of course), we must refrain from doing certain things that are guaranteed to make him head for the hills. So what are these thngs, you ask? Well, sit back and take notes, because here are the Top 5 Ways Not to Lose a Guy in 10 Days:
5) Maintain a level of mystery. This sounds great in theory, but putting it into practice is a little tougher. As women, we tend to dive headfirst into a new relationship with as much gusto as we do the sale rack at Barney’s. Here’s the difference: Unlike that fabulous 50% off find, your heart does NOT belong on the clearance rack – but that’s where it might end up if you cause your stock to plummet by revealing too much, too soon! He doesn’t need to know what you’re doing every single second of the day. You don’t have to update your Facebook status every ten minutes just to let him know that you are available should he decide he wants to ask you out tonight. I’m not telling you to be shady or dishonest – I’m telling you to stay engaged in your OWN life and maintain the same level of fabulousness you had when he met you. And if that means letting some of his calls go to voicemail and some of his text messages go unanswered, then so be it. Being an open book is fine, as long as you only let him read a chapter at a time.
4) Don’t abandon your life to go running over to his. This is a BIG one. If your friends are taking out missing persons ads and plastering your picture on milk cartons with “Have you seen her?” above it, it’s time to yank yourself out of Mr. Wonderful’s world for a few days and migrate back to your own. One of the biggest mistakes us ladies make is thinking that we need to be available every time he beckons. Girl, if you are always at his beck and call – you’re not giving him a chance to fall. A woman that is truly confident and vivacious and happy in her life does not feel the need to pitch a tent in any man’s living room 24/7. And here’s the key: If you want to take up permanent residence in his life, you need to make sure you maintain your own. Even if he’s already given you the key to his apartment, you will likely never be given the key to his heart if you are just waiting to stop, drop and roll on over every time he snaps his fingers.
3) To be treated like a lady, act like one. While it might seem sexy to wear your tiniest micro-mini and stiletto heels on your first date, you have to decide pretty early on if you want to be his Neverending Story or simply his Movie of the Week. Obviously you should feel free to be sexy, look sexy and strut your stuff, but remember: there is a fine line between classy and trashy. While the thigh high boots and short-shorts might catch his eye, they likely won’t do much to catch his heart. At the risk of stepping on some toes, here’s the bottom line – if you lay it all out on the doorstep without even making him ring the doorbell, he will treat like you a doormat, every time. Respect yourself enough to let your sparkle speak for itself.
2) Let him be a guy (& he’ll love you for it). Who can forget that infamous scene from “How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days” when Kate Hudson drags Matthew McConaughey to a Celine Dion concert, hot pink t-shirt and all? While it is normal and healthy for a couple to compromise and participate in activities that they wouldn’t normally enjoy in order to please their partner, if you want him to be your boyfriend, don’t treat him like one of your girlfriends. That means not dragging him to the Vagina Monologues on your second date – unless, of course, your goal is to not only send him running for the border, but also to the nearest therapist’s office. Don’t be pouty if he doesn’t want to join in on your Girls Night Out. In fact, go out with your ladies, kick your heels up and dance the night away and let him wonder what you’re doing. Or better yet, tell him to call up his boys and do the same. You don’t have to insert yourself into his weekly poker game or basketball games with the guys. Let him have time just for HIM – and you’ll find him making more time for YOU as a result.
Drumroll, please….The #1 Way Not to Lose a Guy in 10 Days:
1) Stay FAR away from clingy and needy. Out of all the guys I talked to, this was by far the most popular answer. Act like a Stage 5 Clinger, and you’ll be lucky if you make it to Day 5. No man likes a woman that sucks the life out of him. If they did, they would date a leech. You’ve got to let go if you want the relationship to grow. Don’t call him 15 times a day. Don’t text him incessantly. Don’t spend all day stalking him on Facebook, even if he doesn’t have the application that allows him to see who’s looking at his profile. A man senses when you are operating out of fear rather than confidence, and it is a massive turnoff. If he’s calling and coming around and wanting to spend time with you, there’s no need for you to be in a constant state of panic about the status of your relationship. Stop ringing the alarm (and his phone) and just BREATHE. Let go of your need to control the situation and just let things play out. If this is The One, all the pieces of the puzzle will fall into place, without your assistance. And if it’s not The One, why do you want to hang onto him for dear life, anyway? A relationship cannot grow in the shade of fear and insecurity, so stop blocking the sun and start having some fun! Relax. Laugh. Smile. Let him come to you. Stop clingin’ and start singin’!
And there we have it. The Top 10 Ways Not to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. And while no list is definitive, these pointers are definitely a good place to start when you find yourself at the beginning of a new relationship. Remember – relationships are supposed to be FUN! Especially in the early stages. You be you and let him be him and if your paths are meant to collide permanently, you’ll figure it out soon enough. In the meantime, keep walking out your truth and your light and your fierceness and know that no matter what happens, a fabulous, independent lady such as yourself will always come out on top in the end. And above all – even if you DO lose the guy in ten days (or less!), you’ve still got the greatest love of your life – YOURSELF.