Stop Apologizing For Having High Standards
This is my mom’s reasoning these days as to why I should date someone. This is what it’s all come down to. 37 years on this earth, at least 20 solid years of those spent looking for my Prince Charming…and this is the lone standard I’m trying to meet?!
In my mom’s defense, she wants to see her daughter get married sometime before she’s in the nursing home. And she does make a valid point: A full head of hair on a man is good. And also increasingly hard to come by when you’re dating in your 30’s. But, still…that can’t be all there is to it. Just because I’m 37 and single, does that mean I should have to compromise every standard I’ve ever had for myself and for the person I hope to marry just so I can actually get married? Does single at 37 have to = SETTLING, just to avoid winding up alone?
I don’t think so. In fact, I refuse to believe so. I didn’t wait this long and come this far just to give up and settle for OKAY. Or even for GOOD. Just “good” or “okay” is not going to cut it for me when it comes to the person I spend the rest of my life with. And I’m not going to apologize for that. I think past the age of about 28, single women with standards are too often labeled “too picky.” Or “too high-maintenance.” Too “hard to please.” A “diva.” — All because we happen to know what we want and we’re not going to settle for less. Well…I say NO MORE. We have to stand up and OWN our right to have standards for our lives and the people we welcome into them.
Does this mean I think you should stubbornly refuse to give any guy a chance who doesn’t look like Channing Tatum? Or that you should dismiss every guy who’s shorter than you hoped or blonder than you visualized or a little older or younger than you planned? NO. There certainly should and needs to be flexibility and openness to the idea that the person God has for you might not fit some preconceived mold that you have for him. There does have to be a willingness to compromise when it comes to the fine print. But the BIG things: Does he love God/Is he loyal and honest and kind/Does he have goals and dreams and ambition/Does he do what he says he’ll do and follow through and keep commitments and show up for you/etc/etc…those are areas that you have a right to stand tall and firm on your standards and not back down. Because here’s the thing: Yes, singleness can be a little lonely. It can be a little sad. It can be difficult, and awkward, and let’s be real: It just plain sucks at times. But nothing…NOTHING…is lonelier or sadder or more challenging than waking up one morning to find yourself trapped in a relationship with someone who is wrong for you, simply because you compromised your standards to avoid winding up alone.
It’s time to tell the world that yes, we are single, YES, we have standards, and NO…we won’t apologize. Because high standards don’t signify a “diva.” They signify a woman who knows what she’s worth.
Has anyone ever given you grief about your standards or expected you to compromise? Sound off in the comments below!