Five Signs You’re Dating a Dud & Not a Stud

MandyThinkingThis morning I was on Nashville’s “More at Midday” to talk about #BeautifulUncertainty and since all of you guys don’t live here in Nashville and didn’t get to see the segment, I wanted to share with you what we discussed, cause it’s tons of fun.

I get emails from you lovely humans quite often, asking me “How do I know if this guy I’m dating is really a good guy?” or “How do I know if he’s in this for REAL?” And I like to think there are a few pretty clear signs to look for in the early stages of a relationship to know if it’s going places.

So, without further adieu, here are my top five signs you might be dating a dud and not a stud (HAHA! After watching Grease Live this past weekend ‘Tell me about it, STUD’…I couldn’t help myself).

  1. You have to make all the effort. If you’re constantly the one calling, pursuing, making plans, initiating contact…chances are, he’s not that invested in the relationship. Here’s the thing: This isn’t some archaic, old-fashioned “I need him to chase me around while I sniff my Scarlett O’Hara smelling salts and wave my handkerchief around” mentality. It’s a “a man will always go after what he really wants ” reality. With any relationship, friendship or otherwise…if the effort is unbalanced, it has nowhere to go but down.
  2. He only texts, never calls. No, millennials…you don’t get a pass here. I know that texting is the most awesome thing ever invented, but you can’t possibly create a solid foundation for a relationship based solely upon text messages. It just won’t work. Part of the fun and magic of a new relationship is talking on the phone til 2:00 and 3:00am when you have to be up early the next morning…and that requires actual time and energy and emotion…not just endless emoticons.
  3. His idea of a great date is “Netflix and chill.” This one speaks for itself. You can tell a lot about a guy’s feelings for you by the time of day he contacts you: at 2pm in the middle of the day when he’s busy but wants you to know he’s thinking about you…or at 2am when he’s been out partying with his buddies and wants you to come over. If it’s always the latter, chances are he’s admiring your booty and not your beauty.
  4. He doesn’t at least OFFER to pick up the tab on the first date. Even if you’re a girl power, feminist, ‘I got this’ kinda girl…I still think it’s the gentlemanly thing for the man to pay the first few times you go out. Or at least make the offer, then you can decide if you want to let him or not.
  5. You only hear from him sporadically. If the only way he’s consistent is in his inconsistency…chances are he’s got you on “rotation” with several other ladies. If you’re okay with that, by all means, stick it out and see if things change or if communication gets better. But also be prepared for the fact that you might invest in the situation in the short term only to wind up being played in the long run. If he’s completely erratic and A.D.D. and his attention is being pulled in 27 different directions from Day One of Dating…it’s probably best to give him ‘one less problem without you’ and hit the road before you get any more attached.

Have you ever found yourself dating a DUD? Sound off in the comments below!

ALSO…make sure you pick up your copy of my new book Beautiful Uncertainty at any bookstore or order it HERE!


14 Responses to “ Five Signs You’re Dating a Dud & Not a Stud ”

  1. JUDY
    February 4, 2016

    Your advice is excellent , straight forward.
    Learning that one is WORTHY of better , and stepping forward in faith…..we are never alone, God will guide us in many ways …. Sometimes with a new inspirational book like Beautiful Uncertainity .
    Thank you and God Bless you.

  2. Gretchen
    February 5, 2016

    Thank you Mandy. I was just talking to one of my girlfriends about point number 1, how you need to be presuded by the guy. I got my book in the mail yesterday and excited to be able to sit down this weekend and read.

  3. N
    February 5, 2016

    At true. Especially point 3!!

  4. N
    February 5, 2016

    So true. Especially point 3!!

  5. February 5, 2016

    Exactly! 100% true. I am thinking everyone is a dud. There are no studs anymore! No one offers to pay for your meal on a first date. No one is interested in sending a text or a quick call that takes what 20 seconds to say hi I am thinking about your on a quick break during the middle of the day at work.. What about the ones who stand you up? Randomly contact you?? Yep you are one of the ones he is alternating with the other women in his life:/ seriously a person who can’t even keep their promises in the first week of a relationship or you catch them in a lie first off.. Or what about the ones who’s talk doesn’t even come close to their actions:( I think it is just time to give up on finding a good decent man!

  6. JennyLaine
    February 5, 2016

    Just finished dating a Dud! Your advice is spot on, and I wish I could have realized this before investing my time and emotions. For me,I think it had been so long since I had dated anyone that I wondered if I was out of touch with today’s dating game. I even began to believe my expectations were too high. Glad to know how to identify a Mr. Wrong more quickly now! Keep doing what you are doing Mandy. You are a blessing to this 39 year old single woman who is still searching for her STUD!

  7. Caroline
    February 5, 2016

    Recently sent them away! What amazing freedom I have now! If you make it too easy the guy doesn’t try, and you end up doing his part in the relationship. So why have a relationship if he doesn’t do his part?!

  8. February 5, 2016

    “If the only way he’s consistent is in his inconsistency…”
    Girl You.Are.A.Writer!

    I also totally agree with what you have said,its always that clear,its just that We women choose not to see.As you always say”Love is either black or white,there is no a gray field”.

    One thing i would also like to say is,Thank you so much.God has really used you to take me from “compromising and settling”mode to “Do people still compromise?What is compromising to begin with?”

    I love you!

  9. Sammy Oh
    February 5, 2016

    I think I’m dating a DUD! What will I do? I’m so confused. I want to run away but how??

    • Mandy Hale
      February 7, 2016

      Just do it. Stop overthinking it. Walk away. Close the door. Don’t look back.

    • Lisa W
      February 24, 2016

      Just be honest but kind… something like: “Jerry, this relationship is not really working out for me anymore. I appreciate the fun times we’ve had, but it’s just not something I want to go on with. Thanks for everything. You take care now.” and hang up the phone. Then find a new hobby that involves people, or … my best advice … find a new place to volunteer. Helping others is a great way to stop focusing on “poor me, now I’m alone” and start focusing on “how can I use my free time to help others?”

  10. TW
    February 10, 2016

    Unfortunately, the guy I was seeing, met ALL FIVE qualifications of a DUD.

  11. Michael M.
    February 19, 2016

    “Part of the fun and magic of a new relationship is talking on the phone til 2:00 or 3:00 AM” . I want a relationship REALLY BAD, but I don’t think I ever want one of these late — night phone chats . I’ve had long phone calls, and I don’t like them too much . While I’m at it, what’s wrong with having a collection of dating partners ? If I had children, they wouldn’t be allowed to go steady . When you’re single, everybody should be dating everybody else . If Romeo has several dating partners, Juliet has HER dating partners, so nobody’s waiting by the phone waiting for a call . Besides, you might become his favorite, and he might want to get serious .

  12. Nancy
    March 11, 2016

    What if it’s not so black and white? What if he’s a Christian and makes an effort but says he needs time to figure out if he loves me? It’s been a year.

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