What (Most) Women Really Want
The following is an excerpt from my new book, Beautiful Uncertainty, in stores now.
In my humble opinion…it’s not a big mystery.
We want to be pursued. Not endlessly asked to “hang out.” (And especially not asked to “hang out” at 3:00 am.) We don’t want to be treated like “one of the guys.” We want to be your LADY. And we want to be treated like it. We want a little time invested into the plans. And I said time, not money. We don’t care if it’s dinner at Olive Garden and a Redbox rental, as long as you put a little thought and effort into it.
Please pick us up and come to the door. When you honk the horn to alert us you’re there, we feel undervalued or like we’re responding to a cattle call. And we aren’t cattle. We’re ladies.
Please open the car door, and the door to the restaurant. Bonus points if you pull out our chair. And EXTRA bonus points if you stand, old school-style, when we excuse ourselves to go to the restroom.
We want you to pay for dinner. At least the first few times. We don’t feel entitled and we won’t just assume that you’re going to. In fact, we’ll offer to pay half…but it gives our heart that extra flutter when you won’t hear of it. We love to be reminded that chivalry is still very much alive.
We want to be respected. We want to laugh. We want to be flirted with. We love “good morning” and “good night” texts. (But we don’t love when texts always take the place of calls.) We like to talk on the phone late into the night, knowing we have to be up in three hours but not caring because we love talking to you THAT much. We like when you notice that we got our hair cut or lost five pounds. We like to be winked at. We love intelligent banter and witty sparring.
We like when you like our friends. We love when you like our family.
When you ask us how our day was, we love it when you actually LISTEN.
We want you to have goals and dreams and ambition. You don’t have to have tons of money or drive a fancy car or shower us with extravagant gifts…but we want you to be passionate and driven to achieve something. We want to know that you’re willing to challenge yourself and reach for something greater. Even if you don’t catch it. (We’ll be there even if you don’t catch it).
We really love it when you come up behind us and put your arms around us when we’re sad, or stressed, or having a bad day.
We want you to have your own space to grow and become and dream. We want you to respect our space to grow and become and dream. We don’t need to be with you every single second of every single day. We want there to be healthy spaces in our togetherness.
(For a lot of us): We want you to love God more than you love us. We want you to seek Him more than you seek us. We want you to pray with us, and worship next to us in church, and remind us of how much God loves us when we’ve forgotten.
We want you to buy us little gifts, just because. A single rose. A surprise Frappuccino from Starbucks. That scarf we’ve been eyeballing for a week in the window of the boutique down the street.
We want you to be our best friend, our safe haven, our calm in the storm, a shoulder to cry on, the killer of the spiders, the assembler of bookshelves when the only instructions that came with them are in Greek, the defender of our honor when we come under attack from the world or our boss or the mean person on the Internet.
We want you to love us even when we’re not being very lovable (because we’ll do the same for you). We want you to be willing to fight it out or talk it out or work it out instead of going to bed angry. We want you to be honest when we ask you if these pants make us look fat (okay…no we don’t).
This is what (most) women really want.
It really is as simple…and as complicated…as that.
Ladies, do you agree? And fellas…care to weigh in? 🙂 Sound off in the comments below!
*Beautiful Uncertainty is available anywhere books are sold.*