Dash of Sass: If He Loves You, You’ll Know

ConfusedI get so many ladies asking me the same question over and over: “How do I know if he loves me? He says he loves me but his actions are confusing.” And therein lies the answer to the question without me having to say a word.

“His words say one thing, but his actions say another.” He confuses you. He misleads you. He’s halfway out and halfway in. Ladies. We are smarter than this. If anything about the relationship leaves you confused and questioning and doubting and wondering and pacing and fretting and guessing and puzzling and stressing and worrying…as harsh as it might sound: He doesn’t love you. Or at least not the way you deserve to be loved. Love is never a question. It is always an ANSWER. True love is peaceful and joyful and clear and secure and life-giving and hopeful and honest and intentional. A man who truly loves you will never leave you with doubts because he won’t want to risk losing you. This doesn’t mean that you won’t ever have disagreements or obstacles to overcome or trials to get through…but it DOES mean that the question of whether or not he really loves you will never be one of them.

So, in closing: If his words are saying one thing and his actions another…if you are more confused than content…if he hasn’t made it 100% crystal clear that he loves you and values you and wants you in his life: Walk away now, before you get in any deeper. I’m not telling you to hold out for a perfect man; they don’t exist…I’m telling you to hold out for the one who is confident and sure and clear about his feelings for you. Because you deserve that. We all do.

30 Responses to “ Dash of Sass: If He Loves You, You’ll Know ”

  1. Shirley Royal
    November 4, 2015

    How about when he doest introduce you to people you run into when you’re out. Or for instance last night someone asked him, “Is this your wife or….”, and befor the question was complete, he said, “A friend.”
    I felt humiliated & hurt.

    • Stephanie
      November 8, 2015

      Girl if he said “a friend” then no ma’am something ain’t right. Red flag

    • November 9, 2015

      if he does so, it means that he just wants u to be his ‘friend’, re-think then.

  2. Stacy
    November 4, 2015

    I am struggling with a decision between two men. And this is so relevant for me today. One has been clear with his feelings and the other is not sure… but the not sure one is someone I’ve known for years and have been in love with forever and the moment I gave that up and started to move on with someone new, he woke up and said I love you! UGH..I chose singlehood for the last 4 years.

    • Melynda
      November 4, 2015

      Stacy…If it has taken him this long to figure it out, it’s more like he doesn’t want to see you with anyone else but doesn’t really want you either…. A man who TRULY loves you and wants you in his life will always make it known.

    • donna
      November 4, 2015

      i am having that issue right but long distance,they both tell me they me but not sure my gut feelings for one my heart for the other what too do

    • Jackie
      November 5, 2015

      Pick the other man. This guy who is now saying sweet nothings, thrives on the roller coaster in general, not a solid person no matter what he looks like to others.

  3. November 4, 2015

    I need to show this to my sister. She’s been seeing a guy long distance for about a year, and his actions lately have been really confusing to her. She said she’d give him until tonight to return her all from three days ago, or she’s dumping him. His actions have been very confusing, and it breaks my heart to see her hurting.

  4. Melissa R
    November 4, 2015

    Absofreakinglutely!!! for almost 7 years I was in a fog with one man who left me much more emotionally & physically drained than feeling in like or love with him. Looking back, I know why I did it, but I know that was NOT LOVE! I have now found a man who appreciates me, a mutual peaceful feeling with confidence and love and joy to have each other. A 200% turnaround than before and I haven’t felt this way about anyone, ever. As I grow older, I grow wiser and I can appreciate what I have found with my new love.

  5. Tam
    November 4, 2015

    PERFECT timing Mandy!

  6. Kie
    November 4, 2015

    I needed this and this has helped me! Thank you!

  7. Pau
    November 4, 2015

    What I’ve been wondering is how do I know if they like me? How do I know if someone is attracted to me? I can never tell, there seems to be signals, but then nothing happens, and I send signals, or I think I do, but then again, nothing happens… maybe I don’t send the right signals or I don’t know how to read them…

    Thank you for your advices and for sharing your blog

  8. Chelle
    November 4, 2015

    I wish I had known this 4 guys ago, lol. Now I know

    November 4, 2015

    Thank you for posting this. I have struggled off and on for 12 years in the state of confusion with the same man. We move on…we marry…we divorce and now after 3 years… here he is again. presents is coming After reading this posting, I am getting off the roller coaster and turning over a new leaf. Life is to short to live in and wallow in the state of confusion.

  10. Kim
    November 4, 2015

    What about a man who used to show his love but has become depressed? That is very confusing for a woman who loves him. I’m our sole support but lately I feel very unappreciated and he gets angry very quickly. He was hurt in a car accident and since his surgery has been unable to support our family. It is wearing thin on him and our relationship. I don’t want to turn my back on him but I don’t know if I can continue to smile every day without the love I need either. Am I being selfish? Does he not really love me anymore? Or is it the depression talking and running his actions?

    • Kat
      November 4, 2015

      Hi Kim, as someone who is chronically ill I understand how loss of self can affect a relationship. I suggest therapy for your husband to help him deal with his new situation and maybe marriage counciling for you both as well. I wish I had done this years ago but was too proud. Maybe it would have saved me some heartache. Best to you both.

    • Daisy
      November 5, 2015

      I have become involved with a man who about 8 months ago got out of a long term relationship. We clicked and have been seeing each other for maybe 5 months now. Of course I am all in and he recently said he can’t be in a deep relationship with me right now, he can’t give me what I want in that department BUT he can’t be without me…he doesn’t want to be without me…he cares deeply. I am confused as to what is best to do…am I his rebound, does he genuinely care…do we have a possible future? More confused now that before. ,,,,,HELP

    • Jackie
      November 5, 2015

      Men and depression is very trying on men. They aren’t as willing to get help in general, compared to women, and withdraw. Men on a whole are less willing to talk about it and fear looking weak to their significant other. If they are on medication they need to be Compliant with it. If they are open, a men only support group could help.

  11. Brytni
    November 4, 2015

    SO TRUE!!!! My ex was always in and out. His actions and words didn’t match. When we broke up, I was devastated- I thought it was love. It wasn’t until I met my now fiance when I realized how I should be treated. I just KNOW with my fiance- I feel peaceful, content and beautiful- the way he loves me makes me love myself. I’ve never had to wonder what’s wrong with me or question my value because every word and action of his affirm that he loves me- imperfections and all. When you find it, you’ll know!!!!!

  12. November 4, 2015

    My situation a lil different. I was in a long distant relationship..we both fell in love and felt this was Gods sent. It seemed like a dream come true. Problem is hes always had bad connection with his phone. And we would sometimes go weeks without communicating. I always prayed if he wasnt meant for God to take him from my life. And take away any feelings i have for him. But no sooner he would be back in my life. This time it happened again. Hes always had a reason but this time just feels different. I still love him and asked God to help me get through this. Is this a Test or did he just let me go. Its been just bout a month with no communication. I dont know what to do. Except pray and be patient..

  13. Tebza
    November 5, 2015

    Great perspective Mandy, Looking back, if I knew this I would have avoided a lot of heartbreak. As you grow, you realise that you are fabulous and have too much to offer for a confused man.

  14. Jackie
    November 5, 2015

    Sometimes people, men and women, are confused about love and love from a confused place. Or are conflicted in general and it applies to their relationships. Either way it is crazy making and unfair to stay in it. It could be attachment style or a character flaw but it’s their problem. Not yours. There are people with personality disorders and/or mental illness, so the standard dating strategies are a waste of time and don’t apply. Not all dysfunctional people seem that way at first. They can present as normal for a long time until the breaks start emerging. Most of the time it’s a losing game for the other well person.

  15. Joanne
    November 5, 2015

    Perfect timing for me ! We teach people how we want to be treated and allowing this type of behavior is not how I want to be treated. I’m worth the effort and if they can’t make the effort, make room for someone who will. Thanks for putting this out there!

  16. Katie
    November 5, 2015

    I agree with this post 99%. I do have this one male friend who is just so indecisive. He agonizes over every decision and his girlfriend hates it but the up side is when he made the decision he loved her, it was real and absolute. I think we just need to be careful that we aren’t forcing our own expectations and time tables on people who just don’t work the same way we do.

  17. Patti
    November 5, 2015

    I am in this situation and it is hard to let go because I have convinced myself that he loves me and I don’t want to hurt him. But he texts other women, messages other women, and his facebook status is single. Any advice from anyone?

    • Mandy Hale
      November 8, 2015

      Yes. Walk away. Those are all GIANT red flags.

  18. chikaay
    November 5, 2015

    what if you think he loves you but your not too sure ? and evrything is goin perfect so far…

  19. Anna
    January 11, 2016

    This is amazing. Thank you for putting the confusion to rest and stating the truth so simply. We all need reminders of our worth!

  20. Gracie
    July 15, 2016

    Amen to that!

  21. October 13, 2016


    I really loved the concept of this blog! This is what I needed at this moment, thanks a lot.

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