Five Reasons Why You Should Never Chase a Guy
Modern-day dating can be extremely tricky. And by “tricky” I mean often infuriating, frustrating, and unclear. It’s ironic that with all the texting and Facebooking and Snapchatting and oodles of other ways to send messages back and forth nowadays, never has communication felt more…non-communicative. No one’s dating anymore, they’re “hanging out.” And in the midst of all this super casual “hanging out,” signals and wires and intentions seem to have gotten crossed. Instead of the men pursuing the women, a lot of men seem to be sitting back waiting on the women to pursue THEM. Now, please don’t make me launch into some diatribe about how men are natural hunters and gatherers and were born to be the initiators of relationships (because it’s true, but I don’t feel like doing the research to prove it). And please don’t misunderstand me, either. I’m not suggesting we, as women, sit around sniffing our smelling salts like Scarlett O’Hara and play the helpless female in need of a big, strong man to come and rescue us. That’s not my point here at all. My point is this: Men seem to have forgotten how to pursue women. And women seem to have picked up that slack by becoming the pursuers. And in my humble opinion, a relationship that begins as a result of a woman chasing a man doesn’t tend to have a happy ending. I know this because I’m 36 years old and I can say in full confidence with years of dating experience under my belt that anytime I have chased a man, the relationship has gone nowhere fast. But when I sit back and relax and stay open and receptive to the relationship without openly pursuing it, it has always, always, always worked out better. (And b-t-dubs: I consider myself a feminist. But part of being an empowered woman is knowing your heart, your time, and your company is worth being wooed and pursued.) Perhaps you have a different opinion or have had a different experience, and that’s okay. That’s why this is my blog and not yours – LOL! If you do connect with this concept, however, and if you’ve lost months or years of your life to endlessly chasing a man who always seems to stay one step ahead…here are five reasons why chasing a man is the actual worst:
- It’s humiliating, exhausting, and downright bad for your self-esteem. It’s impossible to feel good about yourself if you’re willing to trade in your dignity for a pair of running shoes in order to chase after any man. And your dignity and self-esteem are never worth surrendering, for anyone or anything.
- If you have to chase him, ladies, here’s the cold, hard truth: He doesn’t want to be caught. A man who wants to be with a woman will always be running TOWARD her, not away from her.
- He’s clearly not that great of a guy. Why? Because a man of character would stop dodging and evading and being shady and would sit down with you face-to-face to tell you honestly that he doesn’t want to be with you. He wouldn’t keep playing games with your heart or keep you hanging around as his backup plan.
- You are missing out on the things and people and relationships that are meant for you by wasting all your time and energy and emotions on the things that are not. When you stop chasing the things that aren’t for you, you give the things that ARE a chance to catch up to you. But as long as you’re caught up in the drama of an on-again, off-again endless pursuit, you literally have blinders to all the amazing things already staring you right in the face.
- Even if you catch him, you won’t really ever HAVE him. I’ve learned this firsthand, the hard way. You can catch someone’s body and still not capture their heart. (And no, I’m not talking about sex here.) You can have someone’s physical presence there with you and their heart can still be light years away. On the bright side, the really amazing thing that sometimes happens by catching someone you’ve been chasing after for so long is it finally opens your eyes to why God never intended for you to catch him at all. Because sometimes it takes getting everything you ever thought you wanted to fully understand it’s nothing you need, and far from what you deserve.
I hope wherever you are in your journey today, you’ll realize that you are worth being pursued. You deserve a man who is willing to do whatever it takes to capture your heart. Take off those running shoes and give your legs and your heart a break.
What would you add to this list? Sound off in the comments below!
If you want to read the story of the relationship I chased after for eight long years (I am living proof that chasing is a bad idea), grab my book (& New York Times Bestseller) I’ve Never Been to Vegas But My Luggage Has at any bookstore or order it here!