Why I Think God Loves Single Women a Little Bit More
Sometimes my fingers literally start itching as inspiration strikes me, and I have to run and grab up my laptop and start writing immediately…let the words come tumbling out onto the page as fast as I can type before the moment escapes me and the idea gets tossed aside and forgotten.
As I was sitting and reading my daily devotionals this morning (and the number has grown to five. FIVE! Good grief.), I came to a prayer in the book Arms Open Wide by Sherri Gragg that reads:
Too often I have turned to you in fear and asked: “Oh Lord, don’t you care?”
And as I read the prayer out loud, something in me broke and I started crying. All too vividly remembering all the times I’ve cried out to God about my desire for a family and children and traditions and a tribe and people to grow old with and a husband to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay. Countless times of frustration and impatience and even despair as the years pass and the situation seemingly grows more and more hopeless that I might ever find the simplest and most complicated of life’s blessings: Someone to love. And someone to love me.
“Oh Lord, don’t you care?”
And then, suddenly, in the silence of my warm and simple apartment, a still, small voice spoke clearly and directly into my soul.
“Oh, Mandy. Don’t you see? It’s because of how much I care that I’ve kept you for Myself this long.”
The words washed over me, and like a ray of sunshine infused into my soul, my sad tears turned to happy ones and a smile came across my face. It was one of those rare, almost impossible to attain moments where I felt myself fall gently into the hands of Jesus and be held tightly against His beating heart…a fleeting glimpse into the depth of His love for me…and all really was calm, and all really was bright.
And then, again, the voice.
“If there is never a husband…if it’s always just you and Me…will you still follow Me?”
There was no pause in my spirit. No need to stop and think. Only one answer that rang true, loud, and clear in my heart.
“Yes, Jesus. I will follow You.”
I will follow You and I will trust You and I will know that regardless of how hopeless or how dark the situation might look to my human eyes, Your perfect ones see the big picture and know the end game. I will follow You like the disciples followed You, sometimes directly into the storm but always also directly into their destiny. I will follow You, NO MATTER WHAT.
Over a cliff, my precious Lord.
And I don’t entirely grasp what this means and if I’ll ever be married or not, but I do know that in this moment, it doesn’t really matter, because in Him I have peace and joy and completeness. And tomorrow I might doubt again, but His mercies are new every morning and my weakness doesn’t surprise Him or test His strength. He loves me. And He loves you. And I think maybe He loves single women a little bit bigger and more fiercely because He knows we often feel alone and doubt that we are loved. And He knows what the single path looks like because He walked it.
I don’t know how I’ll feel tomorrow. But I am precious to Him. YOU are precious to Him. And today…that’s all that matters.