Dash of Sass: I Don’t Chase People Anymore

ChaseFor a long time in my 20’s and even into my 30’s, I was constantly chasing after people and friendships and guys and things I thought were going to make me happy. A beautiful thing happened when I stopped the pursuit of happiness: I realized it had been here all along. Now I just stay in one place and trust that the people and opportunities meant to be in my life will flow to me naturally and with ease and certainty. I have wholly and completely embraced my singleness and my solitude and spending time alone is something I actually cherish and protect now instead of run from. I haven’t “arrived” by any stretch of the imagination…but I have, at long last, reached a place of peace about the value that I possess and that I bring to other people’s lives and I no longer feel the need to chase anyone down to force them to see it. Because here’s the bottom line: If they can’t see the beauty and joy and richness that you bring into their life, they don’t belong in yours. So stop chasing today and STAND STILL. I think you’ll be amazed at how meaningful and purposeful your life will become the very minute you stop trying to prove your meaning and purpose to others.

60 Responses to “ Dash of Sass: I Don’t Chase People Anymore ”

  1. Nonhlanhla Makhubalo
    October 30, 2014

    My singleness

  2. Ellie
    October 30, 2014

    This is exactly what I needed to read this evening. Thank you. Newly single but exhausted from doing all the work for two years…..excited for the future and finding a mutual relationship, not a one sided one x x

    • Jordani
      May 21, 2015

      Totally in the same place right now.

  3. Julie
    October 30, 2014

    I love this! I just made this commitment to myself! If they were meant to be in my life they will stay. I don’t want to force them to have me in theirs.

  4. Anita Burford
    October 30, 2014

    This message blessed my soul sooooo much! I am also enjoying the book! I understand that if the guy is truly interested in my heart he will chase me! Continue to encourage women everywhere!

  5. Sheryl Truss
    October 30, 2014

    Hello, I am 53 years old and I been divorce for 10 years, and I haven’t dated in 3 year s, not because there were no offer, but because I had to get to the place of contentment, I made the wrong choices, so now I am waiting on God. I want said it don’t get hard sometimes, but I don’t want what not meant for me, so until he finds me, I am happy with me.

  6. Kaia
    October 30, 2014

    Thanks for posting. I am working on finding happiness within myself, and being content with being single. AND fighting off the urges to “chase” a guy friend of mine who moved to California a few months ago. I am feeling happier in my life most moments day to day, but am still a little stuck in an old mold of thinking and feeling based on a lot of buried (and not so buried) insecurities. But I appreciate your insights and reflections–it often helps to read your posts when I’m feeling a little down. Single or not, I think most all women (and probably most men) could benefit from reading your website, blog and books. Thanks again!

  7. Wondering
    October 30, 2014

    Question, does chasing someone equivalent to giving a guy a “hint” that you like them… ? I am so confused about this because so many people keep telling me I have to give a hint, but I’m under the impression this is the same as “chasing”. Can you give me your advice on this?

  8. Tiera Miles
    October 30, 2014

    Definitely needed this! Thank you for posting! God is speaking through you!

  9. Laurie
    October 30, 2014

    Thank you for reminding me. I just turned 50 and never married. Yet I have two children from a long-term relationship thAt I ended almost 7 years ago. Being single is hard especially being a single parent. I thought I had to be married by 50. I realized that the gentleman who I do marry will be lucky.

  10. October 30, 2014

    I’ve been preaching & telling myself the same thing for the last couple of years. Thank you for the reminder! 🙂

  11. Sarah
    October 30, 2014

    This is absolutely beautiful!!!! And sooo true…I’ve been trying to find happiness within myself for a long time and I’m still working on it but this post couldn’t have showed up on my news feed at a better time! Thank you

  12. Linda Hooper
    October 30, 2014

    Thank you for this post I so needed to read this! Stop chasing and stand still!! I’ve been trying to do this but it’s been a real challenge. Reading this was the reminder I needed! Thanks again

  13. Lolliann
    October 30, 2014

    Personally I realized that anyone who knows me, knows where I am and how to contact me. If they aren’t, I’m not either. I decided to stop chasing people as well. That’s making them be more important and worth more than me and that simply isn’t true. I am a Queen in my own right and Queens don’t chase nothing! 🙂

  14. Jamie Holmes
    October 30, 2014

    I can’t help but to feel this was written for me. I’m in my late 20’s and I’ve come to the conclusion that all this heartbreak over family and friends who aren’t in my life isn’t worth hurting over anymore. There is NOTHING I can do to change this situation on my part because I’ve tried it all but like you said, “stand still”.

  15. Claretha Wilson
    October 30, 2014

    This spoke to my soul!!

  16. Claudia
    October 31, 2014

    well said! good inspiration for those still running in circles…

  17. Hloni
    October 31, 2014

    such a simple and strong message this is. only with practice can we achieve it since we are so used to running after things it will take some hard work to just stand still but definitely worth it.

    As get in the mode of standing still

  18. Bahia
    October 31, 2014

    I was raised to work hard to get what i want. But now i realize that sometimes, it is wiser to stop and let go .. and if it is meant to be .. it will simply be. It is not easy to learn to let go and trust .. it is a work in progress.

  19. Phoenix
    October 31, 2014

    Thanks for posting. I am not even ready to believe I can maintain this. So I feel desperate and depressed most of the time. But I have learned that this is a valuable gift to give yourself no matter how lonely u can get. Self preservation is the key.

  20. Alexia
    October 31, 2014

    I have been spending the last 4 months chasing someone who does not seem to see my worth in his life. Everything is just about him .. his work, his plans, but never has he thought about the “US” or about my plans, my needs. I am still struggling to find the strength to leave him for him .. I left him before but always came back to him thinking that he would change.
    This time when we got back together he promised me that things would work out this time and that efforts would come both ways. Four months later, he just told me that he was not ready for marriage yet, but that he loved me, and I am finding that I am the one making most of the efforts and always running after him to take me out, to spend quality time etc…He did not give me any sign that indicated that he would be ready one day and most importantly that he would settle with me… I am finding myself no longer trusting him now since it seems that one day he is saying something and the next he says the opposite ..

    This situation is making me stressed out and leaving me drained of my energy.

    Thanks Mandy for posting this.

    • Carmwn
      November 2, 2014

      Don’t chase men — learn the art of Leaning Back from Katarina Phang coz she really hits the nail on the head about not chasing men. She really helped me deal with my issues!! I super love her teachings and they have changed my life.

    • nyleat
      November 11, 2014

      This sounds EXACTLY like my current situation; it sucks when you feel like you’re the only one putting forth effort. I’m ready to start realizing my own worth!

  21. angel
    October 31, 2014

    Yes I have enjoyed reading this… I have been in search of “filling my hole in my soul” all my life! It started from childhood and I have carried it on throughout my life… I am trying to just stop… it has been hard… and this search has led me to many paths of self destruction… when I could be happy to just be with me, myself and I! Self-love and self-worth are my goals to achieve!

  22. Jackie
    October 31, 2014

    I agree. This was a big lesson for me and just decided to stop chasing in my current relationship. No more crumbs.

  23. Christine
    October 31, 2014

    I needed this timely reminder. I trust GOD to show me the person he has chosen, & to forget the one that I have been pining for. Thanks for this post, it always give me strength.

  24. Sandra
    October 31, 2014

    Mandy you are such a blessing in my life!!!! Thank you for sharing your insight and life journey with us. I feel like we are walking the same road and battling the same issues but your strength and wisdom inspires me to make the right choices. God bless you Mandy!!!

  25. amber
    October 31, 2014

    I don’t chase, I replace 😉

    • Monica
      November 6, 2014

      Good one, I like that, lol 🙂

  26. Mattie
    October 31, 2014

    awesome advise ,as usual .G-d is speaking the same thing to me right now ,so thank you for confirmation. I feel I am a good person and I am tired ,exhausted from trying sooooo hard to get someone( a man) to realize it ,you are right ,i am ready for some rest .thanks again Mandy for listning to the H.S xoxox

  27. Jeanette
    October 31, 2014

    I too have FINALLY learned this! I have accepted more and more my singleness, my aloneness, and in doing so I have found my confidence. And the amazing thing I’m noticing is the shift my life has taken. I no longer sit around sad and lonely wondering when a man is coming along, or why I don’t have many friends, but now I have developed a hobby, and I am constantly busy or when I’m not I enjoy my alone time, and I’m getting involved in more friends! It is VERY true and necessary to learn how to sit with yourself and accept everything about who you are instead of running from it…you will truly find yourself 🙂 Thank you Mandy for your posts…they are encouraging reminders

  28. Mattie
    October 31, 2014

    also this goes along with it ,guess the L-rd is trying really hard to tell me STOP!!!! striving

    song: 10th ave :BY YOUR SIDE .the lyrics go : why are you srtiving, theses days ….like I am not enough ,I am by your side ,i love you !!!!!!!! GOT IT L-RD 🙂 thank you for using mandy and a song today to remind me . time to realax and let G-d. burden lifting 🙂

  29. Terri
    October 31, 2014

    Oh my goodness!!! Well said! I have always struggled with my self worth and “tried” to get validation from others. The MINUTE I realized this and stopped, my life has become so much more peaceful. Now, my main struggle is finding the time to spend with the special people God has brought into my life. Mandy, I just love your blog, you just bless my heart so much. Thank you!!

  30. Pam Peterson
    October 31, 2014

    Thank you so much your words are sooooooo encouraging…. Finally I see a light…your awesome. ..

  31. October 31, 2014

    I love this! I resolved to do this too and my life has been more fulfilling.

  32. Natasha
    October 31, 2014

    This was a really great article. I think that has been one of my biggest battles in life but reading this article has given me so much insight. I don’t have to chase people to recognize me and how good of a friend I can be, I’m just going to stand still. Great Job Mandy!

  33. Anne
    November 1, 2014

    Thanks you so much! I will consider this blog as my daily reminder not to chase him again. 🙂

  34. christine
    November 1, 2014

    This is really an amazing article

  35. Nancy J
    November 1, 2014

    Thank you for those beautiful words!! 🙂

  36. Susan
    November 1, 2014

    I was so happy to read this. I totally agree with you. I have been living this way for years and was glad to see this concept written so well. Thank you!

  37. Blanca Moreno
    November 1, 2014

    What Comfort to read, Confirmation to my Soul!! Thank You . I can read it over and over again until it settles in my bones . God Bless you For Blessing me!

  38. Miriam
    November 1, 2014

    Amen..wise words…

  39. karen
    November 1, 2014

    Wow! I had an aha moment as I was reading this post! I recently reconnected with a highschool friend but have found myself “chasing” the friendship. I also realized that I really don’t have the emotional wherewithal to “chase” the friendship. If she chooses to contact me she knows where I am at! I have also realized with some other friendships recently, that If they can’t put down their cell phones for 30 minutes to have a conversation when I am right in front of them, not worth my time and frustration ,,,, Thanks for the reminder!!

  40. November 1, 2014

    thos post is so fantastic! Whether you are single or married we need to know we are worth being pursued. Christ pursues us And if the people we want to be friends with are not reciprocating then it is time to move on. The people we belong with want to be with us as much as we want to be worth them.

  41. kiamartha
    November 2, 2014

    I’ve stopped chasing ppl a long time ago. I have learned to love me and spend time with me. And it feels great. I don’t depend on anyone to make me happy. Thanks for posting as it only strengthened me more.

  42. November 5, 2014

    Yes I love this

  43. November 5, 2014
  44. Candice
    November 6, 2014

    I am 31 years old and just now realizing to not chase. . . this is a great article and I needed it today!

  45. Kass
    November 9, 2014

    I don’t chase anymore. Xx

  46. korede
    November 11, 2014

    Just what I needed to hear/read. I promise to stay calm and not run after people anymore. Thanks.

  47. Tiera Miles
    November 11, 2014

    Needed this! Thanks Mandy!!!

  48. Judy
    November 21, 2014

    Your books have become a blessing to me and given me so much strength to find the good in my singleness instead of me always having a pity party. Whenever I feel down I re read your blogs and a smile is put on my face. I have also given your books to some of my single girlfriends and your writings have done the same for them. I am finally finding peace within myself through the grace of God and a weight has been lifted from my shoulder. Thank you so much Mandy and bless you. Keep writing 🙂

  49. Jennifer
    November 23, 2014

    Thank you, Mandy! You have no idea how much I needed to hear this.

  50. Jennifer
    January 11, 2015

    This is so on time

  51. January 23, 2015

    This idea exactly nailed it my question. I need to happy and stand still even though my man broke up with me. I need to be thankful from if he’s meant for me he will come naturally. In God’s Grace! 🙂

  52. Ruthie
    January 29, 2015

    I recently wwant through a break up and reading your pieces is the only thing that’s keeping sane. He broke my heart into so many pieces, for awhile there I didn’t even know where to begin to piece it back together. On my own, it was a slow agonizing process but after my gf gave me your Single Woman book I felt a renewed sense of self – Thank you!

    I do remember chasing for things constantly and not getting anywhere with it. I’m slowly learning to just let it be and whatevers Gods will is, there’s no point in fretting or trying to control because it will happen the way He sees fit. Thank you for being my voice of reason when reason eluded me.

  53. February 7, 2015

    i needed to read this.. i’m at a point in my life where i’m closely evaluating my life to see who is good for me and who isn’t.. as for relationships, i’ve put that on a halt in order to find my relationship with God.

  54. March 16, 2015

    I’m probably not unique in this, just broke up, and saw somewhere your surname as a blogger, and writer, writing about being single, so I thought I’d check it out. Just saw 2 or 3 blogs, I just… can’t seem to get myself together, even though I have people around, don’t have no strenght in myself to go on.. I know it’s fresh, we broke up literally a few hours ago…
    And I feel hopeless and unbelievably weak, just like he took that from my by walking away…

  55. Jenny
    November 13, 2015

    How true — just got tired of chasing after people that are supposed to play a meaningful role in my life but it is all a one-way relationship. With me doing all the giving and these people just taking and sometimes even abusing — parent, sibling, friends. So I made a conscious choice to walk off from it. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about them, it just means I am channeling my energies to myself for a change.

  56. Harika
    April 17, 2016

    Thank you!

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Something wonderful is on the horizon
Life doesn’t always look the way we want it to look. In Mandy’s upcoming book, Turn Toward the Sun: Releasing What If and Embracing What Is, you’ll find encouragement to live in the moment, sit with your experiences, and trust God with the unknown.
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Something wonderful is on the horizon
Turn Toward the Sun CoverLife doesn’t always look the way we want it to look. In Mandy’s upcoming book, Turn Toward the Sun: Releasing What If and Embracing What Is, you’ll find encouragement to live in the moment, sit with your experiences, and trust God with the unknown.
Preorder from Baker Book House for 40% off and free shipping!*
*US shipping only