Dash of Sass: You Did All You Could. Now Let Go.
Maybe there wasn’t one thing you could have done differently to make things turn out differently. Maybe you did all you could (and then some). Maybe you should give yourself a break. Maybe, just maybe, you tried to love someone who didn’t love themselves enough to accept your love. Maybe the fact that you simply cared shows how brave you are. Maybe next time your efforts will be matched by someone who appreciates everything you bring into their lives instead of runs from it. Maybe what you said, what you did, and who you are is beautifully & wonderfully & simply…ENOUGH.
You did all you could. And it was enough. Now let go.
It has been a year, that I ended my relationship of one year. We were friends for 3 years then we dated for a year. For the past few months, he has been trying to get in touch with me and even sent me a friend request on Facebook. I’m at a place where I found peace and want it that way. When I was in his life, he rejected my love and wasn’t ready to receive it because he was still in love with another woman who burned him.
I had gotten pregnant from him and he did not want to be a part of it. So, 2 or 3 months into the pregnancy I ended up having a miscarriage. Around that time, he came around and that is when I ended the relationship. He didn’t expect it and yes, he was hurt but most so his ego was crushed.
I know that it is in his conscience of how he mistreated me and realizes that he let me go. I have found it in my heart to forgive him but it will never be a friendship or that love I once gave. May he take this as a lesson learned of when he finds that love again.
Sometimes, God puts us through tests and builds our faith in him.
Melanie, your words are of such great encouragement to me. You are brave and beautiful for everything you have endured. Your story gives me hope that one day, I too will be able to be at peace and ok without him in my life. We recently broke up and I feel very hurt and humiliated. I love him and he doesn’t. And I no longer want to suffer. I want peace. Yet, part of me would still want him around. I hope one day I can find the peace that you found.
I wanted you to know how much your ministry has impacted my life. The Single Woman came at a pivotal point in my life. I remember seeing your book in Barnes & Noble. I originally put the book back down and walk away, but I went back and purchased it. It was so different from all the other books, and turned out to be one of my favorite purchases. It really help me in that time and continues to. It’s writing I revisit. Thank you for being transparent and honest. I feel like I have a friend with me on this journey. Be encouraged and know you make a difference. Keep it sassy!
Thank you, Mary! So happy you went back and got the book! 🙂 xoxo
I wake up to these blog posts just about every morning and it’s the most amazing refreshment that K could receive. Recently I have been struggling with that certain someone who just won’t accept who I am, and so what really needs to happen is for me to let go give it to God and move on with my life, I have been waiting around too long. Thanks again for this encouragement!
I feel you on the waiting around part….when you love someone who is either not ready dor your love or simply is not inlove with tou back….its hard letting go 囧but we must….i am
thank you Mandy .I am “FINALLY” learning that .after two years of trying ,worring ,praying ,go over and over ,what could” I” have done differently,where did” I” mess up,why cant” I “make it work.I am learning exactly what you said ,they didnt love themselves enough to except my love ,and all the trying in the world will not change that.” I “have to LET IT GO,in order to move forward .not be stagnet anymore .thank you for the encouragment to let gooooo .weeeeeeeeeeeeeee .A LOAD HAS BEEN LIFTED.
Beautiful. We always make it hard for ourselves by overthinking and blaming ourselves for not doing enough. This is a wonderful reminder.
Thankful for God’s perfect timing of this post. I blocked. For good. Two days prior to my birthday and potential crumbs of communication. Smidges of hope that never amount to much. No more! My hope lies in the Lord for ALL of us. He loves us! He wants to bless us with bigger and better. Believe!!
I feel so desperate after him dumping me. We shared our 6 years together and he left me with no apparent reason. It has been very difficult this past few weeks. But you are right, why would I invest my time and effort to someone who doesnt even value it..
after 4 months it would appear that yet another relationship is ending for me – i hope not, but yet something tells me if he doesnt change, it is for the best – I too, like Mattie, wonder what am i doing wrong, what is it about me, etc… I have been dating for the past 6 years, but the big game changer was giving my life totally to Christ about 4 years ago, and what a difference in myself that brought on – but I still struggle wth dating, the rights the wrongs etc…
Mandy- your dash of Sass was also a game changer – what an awesome book !! it helped me so very very much –
My prayer is to now love fully, instead of so cautiously. I want to dare to love again. Learn from my mistakes? Yes. Detect bad signs in a man in time? Yes. But hold back becuase it might not work? No.
Dear Future Love of My Life,
Dare to win my heart.
So beautiful, Ana!
I love it! Love fully instead of cautiously! Thank you for that!
Yes! We should not be afraid to love again.
These words, written in this manner, at this specific moment in time are exactly what I have been needing to bury down deep in my soul. I have tried to come up with all these reasons why.I.failed, what I could of done differently, and asking myself why my love wasn’t enough…but I knew I had done everything pure love does….encourage, support, care, protect, uphold. Thank you for snapping me back to reality. I love myself and I have hope for my future and the man which God will bless me with….
Thankyou that is exactly what am doing right now I have given all I have but it’s time to let go and release people because I believe like how you said he did not love himself enought to return my love. I feel a lot lighter and am trusting God that he is in the making of someone that is after his own heart.
I cannot wait to embrace what God has instore for me. Thankyou for your gems
Thanks Mandy I learn a lots of your blogs… It’s time to let go I’ve already done everything to make him happy.But then I wasn’t appreciated. Now it’s time to let go and have a break for my self.
I wish this blog had an App. It would be the next thing to do after my morning conversations with God
Something to consider! 🙂 Thanks for the suggestion!!!
After 35 years of bad relationships of course I did improve this time I had my head straight and didn’t realize what was going on with him… we were together 12 years and 6 months ago I realized there was an issue. After talking to him about my concerns and his lack of communication and lack of concern, I realized he didn’t care to try… now I am the one that gets to start all over again while he is all cozy with no worries…. when I stumbled upon this site I wasn’t sure what it was about or what to do so I cliclicked on this link and this popped up…needless to say to just cried and said your right and that is a very good answer I had no idea… you see I have had Chronic Migraines for 2.5 years and just started having seizures since May and I have no clue clue where my life is going to go now… but Thank you for the insight I truly appreciate it as it is one more thing I cane mark off and know he will nto be there as he has said and shown… God Bless
I needed to read some of these messages because ive been in a bad relatuonship going nowhere an God was not in it. THAY WAS THE PROBLEM
Mandy I am in South Africa, and would love to read your book, not sure where to get in SA, please Help 🙂
Refilwe whereabout in South Africa, I’m in SA too
you know what? i read all your blogs and so inspiring! now i called kinokuya here in dubai and asked them to reserved “the single woman” book im excited to pick it up later! Godbless you Mandy 🙂
I have things am not proud of because i love too much am scared of being alone i think its time i face my fear and stay alone because i am the only person who can make me happy you are a great insipration
There is hope for me. Thanks. I continue to think about a friend, who wasn’t supportive, and doesn’t like my children. I know that the friendship needed to end, but, so strange that he keeps coming to my mind. I hope this passes soon.
wow. thank you. my word for the year is enough. and I feel like this sometimes, esp when you see folks you care about just doing whatever you want stuff for them but it may not be meant. you just have to let it go and let them do them and live the Life God called them to not what you think they should or even what you want. so this is further confirm.
Thank you for all the positive thoughts and posts! They have certainly helped me come to peace with putting an unhealthy relationship to rest and resolving to forgive myself for hurts I have inflicted on other relationships as well. My new word each day is Worthy. We are and should never forget that simple word with such power. Thank you Mandy! God Bless!
I love reading these blogs! I have been going through a tough break up this past year and these blogs give me hope. My ex and I dated for two years and talked about marriage all of the time. He was my first boyfriend at the age of 22, I don’t date just to date. Then one day he told me God was telling him we shouldn’t get married. It broke my heart. I’m 25 now and it’s almost been a year since everything happened. Some days it feels like it only happened yesterday. Many of my friends are either engaged or married and I’m going to three weddings this summer, so it’s been a whirlwind of emotions. I talk to God daily about my hurt and pain and pray for the right man He has set aside for me. It’s hard to see the bigger picture right now but I am trying to be hopeful.
I so need to hear that today !!! Thank you so much
I’m enough and if someone does not accept the love that I have them it’s theiir lost and my gain
Got your 2 books and the survival guide as well
Mandy, your books and blog postings are truly inspiring and life-changing. It seems that I always read the right post or paragraph, on the right day, at the right time. This particular post hits home for me today, and has helped me think about my past in a new way. Thank you for allowing me to think deeper about a situation that has completely changed my life, and providing me with the opportunity to put a positive spin on it. Thank you for sharing your story, experiences, and inspiration on a daily basis. Please know that you have made an impact on so many lives as The Single Woman. – Kristen
Thank you Mandy. Ended a 10 year friendship recently because one fell in love (me) and he was in a 3 years relationship. He chose her. Now all I have left is to be strong because that’s the only option for me.
For a year and a half I have been trying to figure out what more I could have done to save him. If I had gone to one appointment, been there one more night, questioned his exhaustion the year before the diagnosis. Reading this reminded me that I had no control over his cancer, I did all I could and in the end it was not my decision if her stayed or left. I miss him and still wish he were here, but God had other plans for him. But I know I did all I could, cared more and gave more than I have ever done in any relationship. I know I have to let go of any miss-placed quilt and move forward knowing that, as you put it so well, that I tried and I cared and I could do no more
Thank you, Mandy for your inspiration and timely messages! I too have devoted two years to someone that doesn’t love me back, but wants to be friends. That’s almost impossible to do after having an intimate relationship and very painful! I need to move on and accept that God has someone else in his plan for me. Someone that appreciates the dynamic woman that I am!
Thank you reposting this. I was with someone for 10 years who was an alcoholic and I didn’t want to accept that. We were soulmates. The last 3 years we were engaged and I couldn’t do it. I know I tried, I knew there was a better person inside, but his life ended because of his demons, 6 months after we broke up and it’s hard to get past this. I love your books and your blog and your fb posts. They’re very helpful. Thank you.
Mandy, I can’t even begin to tell you how timely this post is tonight. It just popped up as I too was struggling with “the next step.” Loving someone and giving them your all is the ultimate sacrifice, especially when you realize down the road that your love, friendship, and support has not been reciprocated. Actions speak louder than words, and this person has shown me nothing, nor has he ever said thank you for loving me. It’s time to move on, and re-find the person I lost during this relationship. Baby steps, but I am on my way…tonight. Thank you!
My struggle is how to NOT think about someone anymore and what to think about instead on a consistent basis!?
I so needed to read this. I have been hanging on to relationship for months hoping he would change. I finally stopped hanging on. I deleted his number and erased it from address book. When he texts me I just delete without even reading. He treated me like an option so I treated him like a choice.
Thank you thank you. I needed to hear this. 1 day before my 45th birthday I decided after 12years I was not spending another birthday with someone who wouldn’t fully commit to me. This has been one of the most difficult decisions in my life. I accepted less because I didn’t believe I deserved more. I have continually tried to figure out what I did wrong….it was never about me. Now I get that. It has only been 4 months and I’m still having a difficult time but I breathe easier now. I miss him but not enough to bring that pain back into my life. Everyday I let go a bit more.
Thank you, Mandy. Thank you. For being a vessel and for re-posting this particular message on FB at just the right time for me to read it tonight. I was reminded of what Taylor Swift told a fan about unrequited love – about how it’s just as valid as any other kind and that it is selfless, beautiful and kind. She said that you should feel good about being the kind of person who loves selflessly. That’s the lesson I hadn’t learned for years. I hid the scars of my unrequited love like his rejection was a shameful reflection of all that was wrong with me. But maybe it wasn’t about me at all – I did enough and as I move forward, I am enough.
I’m so glad this post popped up on my Facebook feed today. I saw my someone this weekend at an event I was doing in his town. Even though I was trying to be the good friend, in the back of my mind I was hoping he would want to spend more time with me while I was in town and he remember the good times and rekindle our relationship. So of course I put myself out there and he never made any effort so I was left with those hurt feelings I was just getting over from our initial break up. As much as it sucked to go through this it helped me realize that I have to remove the comma I had put on our relationship and replace it with a period and move on. His chapter in my life is over and I need to accept that. Its ok to still care for him and pray for him but I need to leave it at that. He’s not ready for the love I have to offer and I’m ready for someone who wants me and all of me. I just have to accept that it will happen in God’s time and will. Until then I’ll work on being the best person that I can be. I’m grateful to Mandy and this group…its a great reminder that I’m not alone and it’s great to show support to one another.
This was profound. And so simple. I really, really needed to read this & digest it. And probably re-read several hundred more times till I fully believe it. 🙂 Thank you for sharing your single journey with us all. You are most assuredly not alone my sistah. And you empower the rest of us. Keep it up! We all love you! ❤️
THANK YOU, I needed to see this today. Sometimes it doesn’t seem like trying and caring is good enough, but the truth is if someone is not in a place to accept it there is nothing you can do about it.
I had a revelation this afternoon while driving home from work and processing this stuff in my head. I ask God to place a hedge of protection around me daily. That hedge does not mean that I will not get hurt. Sometimes the thorns are on the inside to keep me from breaking free. Ultimately, there may be something so much worse on the other side, and the pain from the thorns on the inside of the hedge are far less painful than the pain on the outside.
Letting go is hard, but sometimes it is exactly what needs to be done!
I am not a woman. But this is all still very touching to me. I screwed up my relationship with someone who still continues to be very special to me. It has been two years and I just want to let go. I want to see her happy but I don’t think I could handle being around for it. I still do love her very much, and I want it to stop. I have destroyed every relationship with everyone i have ever loved. (Parents included). I don’t want to be this person that I have become. I know that before someone else can love you, you must first love yourself. I don’t. I don’t know how to. I have failed everyone around me, so how can I love myself? I most certainly do not deserve to be loved at least that is how I feel. I want to change I just don’t know how.
Hi, JR. Believe me, you’re not alone in this feeling. We’ve all screwed up our share of relationships! It sounds like you’re hurting pretty bad, and I am so sorry for that. Can I ask you if you know Jesus? I don’t ask that in a condescending way…I ask because I know personally, I would be lost without Him. He is the only reason I am able to make something positive out of the mess that my life often is. But here is what I know, above all else: You DO deserve to be loved. And you are loved, deeply, by a God that created you and knows everything about you and adores you anyway. And He can help you change. Do it for YOU. Not for this girl or anyone else but for YOU. We have only one life to live and we shouldn’t spend it in regret and torment and heartbreak. Decide to change and ask God to help you. And He will.
I had let go of my relationship because it seemed to me like he was trying to make feel bored. I couldn’t figure out why. But when I asked him if there’s somebody else, or if he is falling out of love, he always answered with he loves me and there is nobody else and that he would never get tired of the relationship. I know that he deserves his own personal space and we all do. But he replies my message after an hour two or more. This happened everyday. I was patient. I did not nag him or bombed him with endless number of texts or calls but it just got into my veins and I couldn’t stay in a relationship where I was the only one who keeps on trying. I did not want to give up because leaving a relationship because “you feel bored” does not feel and sound right. I did not know what to do.
Thank you sooo much for sharing this with all of us. You really helped me a lot in feeling better and lifting myself up. I know that things would be better in time. I know that one day, I would meet a guy who would appreciate everything that I would do for him.
Hello Dear Mandy, I just want to thank you for your posts and inspirations you write daily and tell you how encouraging they are. Reading all these women’s testimonies of their broken relationships brought a lot of comfort to me in this time of my life I recently in the past year got married to what I thought was the man of my dreams but sadly mistaken we actually rushed everything causing disaster so many other interferences took place as well and to chalk it all up an annulment was given us. I’m not going to say I was perfect I was not I had a lot of insecurity then and struggled with trust. I always felt he was cheating on me and it caused us much distress.I had two step daughters from him that I had grown very close to and also his parents in whom I had invested a lot of trust, only to find out they never really liked me to begin with and I was devastated when I actually heard his mother tell him to leave me so I was left not only without my husband but my family I had believed God for ,for so long and left with bills I could not pay or afford. It seemed from that moment everything in my life went down hill. Looking back I see the demonic attack ,I see doors I opened and I see both him and my flaws but I loved that man and would have never given up but given no choice in abandonment I cried out to God for wisdom and here I am today still in the process of healing and I cannot wait to read your book and begin to move forward with my sisters in Christ to what God has in store for me and for us all in him and in this life.Thank you once again and I know God is healing me and he makes all things new! Much love ❤️ in Christ. Sincerely,Sharon
I have loved someone for three years. We planned to get married and were officially engaged. Till he walked out a year ago. Just like that.. He has been in and out of my life for the past year -when he feels like it.. I was weak and accepted him into my heart and home every time. I have been reading the single woman, praying seeking something. Something I didn’t know. I felt hopeless and useless and just full of despair, and disappointment . What I do know , God is good, and he is our healer. We love ourselves enough to love wholeheartedly. It’s them who couldn’t accept because they have no love of the Lord in their hearts God is moulding us into Godly woman and one day he will bring us the other perfect mould that fits us . Now I know to put my faith and trust in God, Mandy, your book has inspired me, and reading all about what other women have been through, inspires me even more. We all have a story, but now it’s time to turn out stories into beautiful ones. Have a good day
I saw this after I made a decision. Seems like a sign or a message from God that what I did was the best thing for me.
I saw this after I made a decision. Seems like a sign or a message from God that what I did was the best thing for me.
I fell in love when I was 18 but my love was nor returned, I moved on only to come together again when I was 21 to yet again be rejected only to find our that my father forbade it, and made sure that we would not be together. Our fathers were friends. Nearly 30 years passed until my 48th birthday were through Facebook he sent me the most beautiful letter professing I was his first love and the first women to brake his heart . Professing he had always loved me and wished he had the guts to stand up to my father and that I would always be a special part if his life . Of course we started texting and rekindled our friendship and both felt this bond , not seeing each other but knowing each other of old , we were both very frank and honest with each other , we couldn’t stop texting and eventually spoke on the phone . We couldn’t get enough if each other . We were falling in love all over again , I have never felt so alive and passionate it actually hurt. The words I Love you , didn’t seem to be enough to describe how we felt . I didn’t know till now if I believed in a soul mate , but he truely was mine . We met again and talked for hours . Then finally he was travelling throughout town and we met up again , we fell asleep in each other’s arms , talking through the nite . He had to leave mid morning the next day . We could not get enough if each other . I Was truely deeply in love . We kept talking and texting and agreed to meet on Boxing Day in his town. We were so excited , i couldn’t wait for Xmas to be over to drive to see him . Of corse I couldn’t help my self , when i truely care for someone I would do anything buy everything Even if I couldn’t afford it . Not just for him but for his family . I know I’m an idiot . I just like to give and put a smile on their face. One of my biggest failings. I live in the moment . Yudda yudda … Fool me .
It was raining he sent me a cryptic message about a 51 year old used to be hansome man wanting my company at a motel address at a specific time . I wandered why we couldn’t meet at his address as i was looking forward to it . But felt special that he had booked a room with prawns and wine on arrival.. We were in heaven we bathed together and drank wine ate prawns and held each other . Magic I has never felt so loved and wanted in my life . We sat outside our room talking and sharing memories wandering what our children would have been like if we married years ago . When he asked me with such intensity , how would you like to do this for two weeks On Our honeymoon ?? My heart wanted to leap out of my chest , he felt the same love that I do . Was it all to good to be true . You see his ex girlfriend from Croatia originally that he had lived with and helped raise her child for 14 years. Who had mental issues , who he had separated with apparently the year before. But was still partly Caring for . She and her solicitor daughter decided to break in to his rented house whilst he was away before Xmas and take everything except his bed . Thus the motel room he was too embarrassed to take me there . Too much for him to deal with all st once I know.
But he managed it switch off for the day and just be with me. I felt hurt for him and just wanted to make things better. I’ve lived on my own as a single mum for 14 years . I’ve always had to be the strong one the one to try and make things better .
His mood changed a little understandably , but the walls came up and the elephant as it was , was here, basically the morning after he was to go back to work , by 10 am . I woke beside him still in ore to be near him when he calked me El her name. As he reached our to pull me closer . I Tryed to convince myself thar he said girl , but no it was her name , i understand after so many years together it happens . But with the whole house thing etc etc . I thought they had soughted these things out .
I was getting upset that he broght me into this , he chose the timing not me . He just virtually asked me to marry him last nite now all if a sudden the mood changed he couldn’t get me out of the room out if town fast enough . WTF had I done . I questioned everything from my body my actions whether i flushed the toilet . He haa not spoken a word to me since. Believe me I’ve Tryed . I’m totally lost and broken . He sent a text saying he would let me know when he was ready .
What a fool am I . What women wants to hear I ll contact you when I have things soughted when I’m ready . He should of said whatever if was to my face and let me go . Instead I’m in limbo yet again , he chose the timing not me I was just fine in on my own I was resigned to my single life . Now I have no idea how to deal with these emotions and am completely and utterly lost and cannot stop mood swings anger, crying sympathy.
After 8 year of being with him , I finally able to let go .. After all the cheating him getting another woman pregnant , having the baby denying the baby for two year having an another woman live with him .Breaking up for 5 months I decided to give love another chance , I finally realized my self Worth and I can’t allow him to keep breaking my heart , its not going to be easy but I believe there someone out there for me ….
Do I just let go again , please help too old for this
It’s my first time ready this one I know it was posted in Oct of 2014 but God has a plan for each person who reads it it’s something I needed to read but it’s something I’m going to have to repeat in till I believe it. It’s going on a year in March since my break up with my boyfriend it took me 10 long months to stop crying now I’m understanding more why were not together but it’s still very hard for me to see my life with out him I still love him so much and sometimes I start blaming myself for the break up when all I did was be good to him and his kids. I just don’t know how to stop loving him, wanting him in my life I tell everyone I’m over it but I’m just lying to myself and to them God has healed my broken heart but what am I supposed to do with all this love I still have for him.
this hits me home. thanks Mandy. I wish I have read this sooner.