Dash of Sass: It’s Okay Not To Be Okay

OkayWho can relate to the struggle to show yourself grace and the tendency to beat yourself up for having a bad day or an off moment? After coming out on the other side of a very challenging few months, I am finally able to see the greater purpose of seasons of struggle: Nothing makes a person more sensitive and compassionate and forgiving of the plight of others than actually stepping into that person’s experience. I like to think that’s a big reason why God came to walk amongst us in human form (Jesus)…so He could understand firsthand and relate to every bit of our humanity. The loneliness. The sadness. The temptation. The discouragement. The fear. The doubt. No matter who you are or where you are in your life – married, single, children, no children, male, female, etc – you have likely come face to face with depression or anxiety or uncertainty or hopelessness or feeling like you have no purpose or no friends or no one to love you and wondering who turned out the lights and when they would get turned back on because the darkness is scary and overwhelming and unforgiving. I just want to encourage you today, if you’re not okay…that it’s okay. You’re human. And it’s really challenging to be a human sometimes. Be gracious with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be loving to yourself. And embrace this season as just another part of the human experience…one that will not last forever and that will leave you not only stronger but able to then reach back and help pull someone else out of THEIR dark season. But most of all, know that you are NOT alone. We have all been there at some point or another. And maybe if we can be a little kinder to ourselves, and to each other…we’ll find our way back to that light switch a whole lot faster. Bottom line: You’ll be okay. Just maybe not today. 

33 Responses to “ Dash of Sass: It’s Okay Not To Be Okay ”

  1. Tyra Sherese Peterson
    September 10, 2014

    Mandy, this post was for me. Thank you SO much!

  2. Lisa Ashley
    September 10, 2014

    I enjoy reading ur posts. U are a great encouragement to me. Thsnk you for allowing God to use you to help others. Just ordered your book the single woman

  3. September 10, 2014

    My entire life, from birth until I was about 23, I was a happy-go-lucky Christian, without any major troubles to speak of. The lowest I have ever felt in my life was living with a roommate who treated me worse than dirt, continually blamed me for her problems, made extreme accusatory remarks, and just overall made me feel like crap. I had no other friends in town, just acquaintances, and it was during that time that I cried out to God to help me until I could move out, and continually fill me with hope and reminders of the future He had planned. I prayed for a way out, and at my absolute lowest (finding out that my dog died, and not getting a single kind word from the roommate, who I’d thought was a friend), God stepped in and pulled me out in the form of a subletter who would take over my apartment.
    Like you said. We’ll all be okay, but that might not be right now. That whole experience changed my faith from a person who claimed to follow Christ, to someone who physically needed Him to survive. I’m still that person today, because His promises are what give me hope.

  4. Roseanne
    September 10, 2014

    I really needed to read this today. I’ve been having an off day and I am mad at myself for allowing it. It’s been a while since I have cried and today seems to be the day that the tears have made their appearance. They are racing out of my eyes to see who will be the first one to make it onto my shirt. I know this will pass, but at the moment I feel like I am walking through this dark tunnel with no light in sight.
    Again, thank you for who you are and what you have brought to the lives of millions of women, including me. You are an inspiration and your words always bring me comfort.
    God bless you today and always!

  5. Thandeka
    September 10, 2014

    Thank u so mch…I needed to hear these words of encouragement!

  6. T
    September 10, 2014

    Thank you.. I so needed this.. been them but it revisits ever so often.. ty for reinforce where i been and hv come a far way… and its okay even though u got ur light.. it gets dim too.. and its okay.. the light will be brighter.. ty Mandy…. ur one hellava Gal!!!!♥ u

  7. Sonya
    September 10, 2014

    I cannot tell you how much better you’ve made me feel about my own life as a single woman. I have been thru many of the same trials & I hate to say I’m in the darkness now & having lots of anxiety, but you’re right it’s ok 🙂 and thank you for inspiring me & for writing.. Maybe I should do more of that myself 🙂

  8. Araceli L Mendoza
    September 10, 2014

    That is so true. I was widowed at age 45. My husband of 22 years passed away from cancer at age 54, 6 months after the diagnosis; 6 years ago. Our children were 16, 17.& 20 at that time. We both live for the moment and had not had a lot saved. I prefer to get the children’s education over keeping our home which was upside down (mortgage more than its value by 2009 – so I went on foreclosure). I went throughdark season you would say. Thanks to strong faith, good children (building a solid foundation – raising three with my husband) and realization to be kinder to myself, I am living again; joyful and reaching out to others! Multiple times lately people who did not know me during my uncertainty would say: “you are so joyful and wonderful to be around with”, to which I would answer – I am this way and stronger because of the difficulties I have overcome.” Need I say more – you definitely hit the nail on its head with this succint blog. Thanks.

  9. Stephanie
    September 10, 2014

    I just want to say that your book has saved me over and over again , after reading your books I realized that its okay to be single and it’s not the worst thing in the world , and that the right person will come along when I’m ready and if it’s meant to be itll happen

  10. Jennifer
    September 10, 2014

    Wauw this is exactly what i need….life is so hard. But we have to fight en sometimes we struggle with so many things. In life I faced a lot but it has made me stronger. That’s the reason that I am who I am now. I will fight and i shall not give up!

  11. Erica cary
    September 10, 2014

    Mandy,
    I’m sure I’m just one of thousands of thank you’s you’ve received for this particular post today. I’ve been a reader and a fan of yours for over a year now. And through out my journey I’ve experienced “not being okay” in several seasons of my life. Out of college when I was a girl trying to find my place in the real world – while at the same time trying to keep my, “everything’s coming up roses,” face for my family that was thousands of miles away. Last year, with a breakup and literally starting over as a stranger in a city I’ve lived in for a decade. And now, trying to more forward and heal internally from the hurt, pain, and angst I’m feeling after surviving an accident that I know as well as everyone else knows should’ve taken my life 7 months ago.

    My car flipped off of the interstate and landed on top of a tree (yes…on top of). I climbed out of my window and walked away with only a chipped tooth and a badly battered face. I thought once I was released from the depression and the spiritual battle I endeared for a few months following that I was good to go. God loved saved me and apparently has a huge plan for me, to pull me from that wreck. I became way more involved in serving in and out of church, I got a
    new job, things were on the up. I was more than okay I was fan-freakin-tastic! Until a few weeks ago…when the honeymoon phase of all that was good started to fade. And I’m actually not okay…maybe I never was. Maybe I was on such a high that I just kept piling up my schedule with awesome things. I’m at a place right now that I’m forced to face the fact that even though I was feeling awesome, I hadn’t let myself heal from anything at all. I was just up in the limelight so to speak. It’s the hardest thing to tell the ones you love, the ones who were so thrilled to see you finally happy again, that you’re hurting. I feel almost embarrassed and ashamed to still be this broken up over this accident. But like you so beautifully and poignantly said in this post, it’s okay. Thank you, Mandy. I have this post bookmarked for whenever the enemy tries to get the best of me.

    And wow…sorry for the word vomit!

    hugs and blessings,
    Erica xxoo

  12. Kenya
    September 10, 2014

    This message is enlightening, particularly to me tonight. We all have walked through dark seasons and have conquered times that didn’t seem so promising. God said in this world you will have troubles but he also promises to never leave us or forskae us! Thanks for the encouragement!
    Love this 🙂

  13. Mary
    September 10, 2014

    I prayed to God about this very subject today …..needed this encouraging word!

  14. Lindsay
    September 10, 2014

    This is definitely something I needed to hear. Thank you!!! 🙂

  15. Marcie De Anda
    September 10, 2014

    Thank you…I really needed this right now!

  16. September 11, 2014

    I was married 12yrs the ex cheated .2yrs on I still find it hard to let go as I still love him but don’t want to go back .Can any 1 Help.

  17. KRYSTAL
    September 11, 2014

    I need to read this today! I been down on myself so hard for making a few bad choices the last few months. I like to take it to the other side of the world and tell myself i been making bad choices my whole life!!!! its just a season and I will be okay!! Thank you for reminding me,
    Krystal

  18. mattie
    September 11, 2014

    one day @ a time ,sometimes one min ,one sec @ a time ,just get thru that,and say I made it thru that min ,that hour .then it will turn into I made it thru that day,and another day etc…. G-ds got this. nothing can seperate us from his love ,he is as close as the air we breath. we are the apple of his eye.we are NEVER alone. he really has been touched with the feelings of our infirmities ,everything we go thru ,he is right there going thru it with us .love my Jesus more and more

  19. Ashley
    September 11, 2014

    Thank You for this post. Lately I’ve Bern depressed & feeling alone. I notice many people look down on depression as if it’s contagious & nothing is more horrible than feeling alone in times of need. It’s nice to see that other people feel like I do

  20. Donna
    September 12, 2014

    Its been 5 yrs since my divorce after 24 years of marriage and I am still struggling on how to be single. I am glad I found this website or maybe it found me. Its hard being single at any age but being single at 50 and starting over is no picnic. Everything you thought your life would be is gone so now I have been picking up the pieces little by little and trying to make a new life. Money is tight so now even thinking about getting a second job. So thank you for this website it does give me encouragement. Keep up the good work.

  21. September 14, 2014

    Exactly what I needed to read today, you simply have a way with words. The best.

  22. Hershey
    September 23, 2014

    Thanks for the motivating message. I also felt very low right now and I do not want to go back to what I have experienced, to a hurtful past. I am just having a hard time of letting things go, it’s controlling my life and I’m sick of it. Now, I will make a different choice, to stop them from hurting me and building a wall so they can no longer control my life.

  23. September 23, 2014

    This is soo helpful on a day like today.

  24. Stacy
    September 24, 2014

    Thank your for these words, going through the last remnants of a few dark seasons that seemed like one long one with a few lights on moments along the way. Definitely have felt lost and alone along the way. Your words are a light along the dark path.

  25. Jenny
    October 1, 2014

    Thank you thank you thank you for this message. I have been struggling so so much and this really spoke to me…

  26. Miss J
    October 6, 2014

    Today I am not okay, I have been dating a man for a month and a half now; he has a great job, I know him through friends and family. However he is very emotionally closed and I have felt worried he may take a long time to love me, he has already told me he is reserved and closed booked whereas I am the complete opposite and very open and caring. I am not sure how much time I am willing to give him but I love Alicia Keys saying that ‘We deserve people who really, really love us” (got that from your facebook wall post Mandy!). I told him I’m not okay and I am also going to start laying down some boundaries with him I hadn’t before. I’ll see how it all goes but I know one thing is for sure, Jesus will always have my back.

  27. Heidi
    October 22, 2014

    My mom died 3 months ago so this is def a season of darkness for me. Ty for these words I feel like you’re talking straight to me!

    • Mandy Hale
      October 23, 2014

      Sending you prayers. I’m so sorry for your loss, Heidi.

    • Barbara H.
      November 10, 2014

      I lost my mom 2 years ago. I know what you’re going through. It’s very difficult but the pain does ease up slowly and over time. God bless you and watch over you and help you during your time of need.

  28. Thandi Mafu
    November 12, 2014

    When I am NOT feeling so great…I always visit your website and I am never the same after I do.
    I sooo love and respect what you do.
    Thank you for allowing GOD to use you in a way that He does…you are always on point with me.
    KEEP SHINING Mandy!

  29. Suzanne
    February 6, 2015

    Perfect timing. As always… Thank you!

  30. AshleyWD
    June 24, 2015

    I was on the verge of tears reading this, because this is my story. For over a year, I’ve been stuck in a rut about being single (and meeting all the wrong guys), wondering what’s next in my career, wondering if I’ll ever have true friends I can count on…and of course worry about my weight struggles. I just can’t seem to move pass this dark place. Thanks SO much for your words. I know there’s hope in God and tomorrow, but I needed the reminder 🙂

  31. February 8, 2016

    That’s a sensible answer to a chglnelaing question

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