I’ve spent 35 years talking and analyzing and verbalizing and theorizing and chattering my days away. I’ve talked at other people and at God for far too long now. At what point does it stop being a conversation if you never just shut up and let the other person speak? I’m honestly tired of talking. Not saying I’m going to stop talking all together…I have no plans to become a mime…but it feels really settled and certain in my spirit that this is the season for me to LISTEN. To get quiet and listen.
I’ve moved out to a ranch that’s far enough in the country to actually hear things. To hear life rather than sirens. At night it’s a virtual symphony of crickets chirping and frogs croaking and the occasional neigh from one of the horses. I sit on my deck late at night and soak it all in and stare up at the stars and there’s nothing but PEACE as far as the eye can see. I tiptoe across wooden floors in the silence and hear the slight creaking under my feet and I am reminded of the weight of my steps. All of my steps, forward and back. An important reminder, and one that I need right now, particularly in my spirit and in my heart. Truth be told, I haven’t been making the best choices with God or the best choices with men as of late. I’ve spent the past six months talking and deciding and questioning and weighing and determining and controlling but not nearly enough time waiting and listening. Listening for God and to God instead of running to “love” for the answers. When did I forget that He is both the question and the answer? The Alpha and the Omega? The beginning of everything that I am and the end of everything that I ever will be?
Yes, this season of my life is called QUIET.
The last season of my life would have been called SAD, as I already shared with you here on the blog. I’ve just come through a very challenging season. One filled with tears and shouts and cries and fears and laments and regrets and doubts and very little peace. But now, here in the midst of all this quiet, I can honestly say it is well with my soul. I don’t feel the need to be around a lot of people right now…not because I’m depressed or moping or retreating FROM the world…but because I’m retreating TO God. Trying to find the secret place again, where I can hear His voice and feel His presence and see His hand guiding my life. I miss that place. Something tells me it is here in the QUIET.
Expectation is also here in the QUIET. I feel a sense of expectation of everything that is coming next in my life. I know I can’t stay here in the QUIET forever. I know there will come a moment when I will have to let the noise back in. But for now…for this season…I embrace it. It is where God has brought me, and it is where I want to be. In this cozy little loft somewhere on the edge of nowhere He has finally gotten me to stop talking and stop running and stop asking and begging and wishing and bargaining and just LISTEN. Listen to the QUIET. Listen to the sounds of His creation. Listen to His still, small voice.
I can’t wait to hear what He has to say.