Where Is God In All of This?
I received this email from a precious lady the other day, and though I receive a lot of emails and don’t get to respond personally to most, I felt compelled to respond to this one. When you read it, I think you’ll see why.
After sending her my response, I knew I had to share this question and answer here on my blog, even though it means making myself far more vulnerable than I might feel comfortable with. But then again – my goal this year was to “get uncomfortable” – right?
If you’ve ever had something bad happen and asked “Where is God in all of this?” – I hope this blesses you. And maybe provides a little comfort, if not clarity.
I love your posts and blogs but most of it has no relevance for a 60 year old woman. I am rejected or ignored constantly because of my age and often feel invisible. Plus, when I do date someone and feel comfortable enough to disclose that I have Hepatitis C, they disappear. So, where is God in all this, Mandy?
I’m so grateful you reached out to me. And I hope to answer your question as best as I can.
I would like to respond to “Where is God in all this?” Because this I know from experience.
Where God is in all this is sitting right next to you even as you read this, holding your hand. Where God is in all this is so very evident in that He loves you SO MUCH, He inspired you to reach out to a total stranger on the Internet just so He could speak directly to you through that stranger. Where God is in all this is always present, never absent, with a heart that’s literally broken to see His precious child in so much pain.
No, God doesn’t cause disease or infirmary or pain, but He sure can use it, my friend.
I wanted so badly to get the answer to your question right that I turned to a pastor friend for spiritual guidance, and here is his response…
“My dad has always reminded me of the struggles that the Old Testament Joseph had in prison. Convicted of a crime he didn’t commit, spent years in prison languishing. Then God resolved his issues in a big way, making him second in command in Egypt and enabling him to save many lives in the process, including his family’s.
Or there’s the Apostle Paul who speaks of his mysterious “thorn in the flesh.” Three times he pleads with God to take it away! But God so calmly responds, “My power is made perfect in your weakness.” God is working wonderful things through this sweet lady, and one of them is he is drawing her closer to Him.”
To be really, really vulnerable and transparent with you…I will tell you that I have struggled with anxiety my entire life. Not just a little anxiety here and there, or normal nervousness…but big, scary, awful, crippling anxiety. It doesn’t rear its ugly head very often these days, but oh boy, when it does! The territory of my life is not nearly as wide and big and bold as it should be because my cross to bear is anxiety. And no, it’s not the same as your disease…but it’s horrible and embarrassing and debilitating in its own right. And I’ve BEGGED God to take it away. Literally pleaded for the cup to pass from me. And so far, it hasn’t. Now…do I think that means God isn’t hearing my prayers or he’s turning a blind eye or he’s a mean God? Absolutely not. I think that He hasn’t taken away my anxiety because there are still lessons for me to learn from it. I think he loves me so much, he wants me to see how important it is for me to allow him to be my strength in times of weakness. And I think in a lot of ways, my anxiety keeps me dependent on him, which ensures we have a closer and more precious relationship than we would if I were to be instantly healed. Would I hand over my anxiety in a New York minute if I could and never deal with another panic attack? Probably. But am I mad at God for not taking it away? No. Because I trust that he has his reasons. And his reasons are always, always better than mine. And I know someday anxiety is going to be a major platform for me and I’m going to be able to speak into the lives of women who are struggling with the same thing, and reach precious souls who I would have absolutely nothing to encourage them about if I lived a perfect, blemish-free, pain-free existence.
You see, your pain IS your purpose. The gift you have been given to speak into the lives of women your age struggling with similar loneliness and isolation is, in fact, a gift. Just like my singleness at age 35 as I watch all of my friends get married and have babies and do all the things I’ve longed for my entire life is a gift. Trust me, it’s not easy being single at this age, either! But it is part of my story. And my story is precious and purposeful and perfectly planned by God…and yours is, too. So I would encourage you and even challenge you now, my friend. Don’t sit around mourning everything you’ve lost and everything you don’t have. Get out there and start taking hold of what you DO have! A platform. A sphere of influence. The ability to speak to other people in pain and struggling just like you. Start a blog. Join a support group. Find a church. EVERYONE is struggling with something…and when you start to connect with people going through similar battles or even completely different battles as you…it will remind you that you’re not alone. AND YOU ARE NOT ALONE. God loves you and adores you and wants so badly for you to turn to him and cry out to him the way you did to me. Yell at him. Scream if you have to. He can take it. Because you are infinitely more precious to him than the person who is pridefully breezing through life, pretending not to have a care in the world. The Bible says the Lord is close to the broken-hearted and those who are crushed in spirit. He is close to you, friend. As close as this computer screen is to you. He’s there. He’s waiting. All you have to do is reach out and grab the hem of his cloak.
Sending you so much love and so many prayers…
Mandy, what an incredible answer! I too have had many struggles in my life, but I have always given it to God! The answers may not be immediate, but He is always there, thank you!
sorry I cant accept this answer. Nobodies purpose should be to suffer while others get to be happy. I often feel where god is my self. A woman asked why god had made her suffer because 2 of her husbands had died, really well some of us live alone and God doesn’t even give us one husband. I feel for this woman and telling her the only purpose for her is to suffer is terrible.
That’s not at all what I told her. Perhaps you should re-read the blog. My message to her is not that “her only purpose is to suffer.” That’s NEVER the message I would share with anyone. No one’s purpose is merely to suffer. However, we ALL suffer in life, in one way or another…and we have two choices: 1) Allow the weight of the suffering to overcome us, destroy us, and make us bitter and angry or 2) Use our pain to encourage others in theirs. And I have found that when we choose #2, very often the weight of the suffering is lifted. Happiness is a choice. No matter what you are walking through on any given day…you CAN choose to be happy. You CAN choose to get out there and share your story and connect with others and make a dent in the universe. People so often just want to wish away their suffering without taking the time to look for the purpose in it. Many women my age (35) who are still single without a romantic prospect in sight view that as the ultimate curse and injustice…without ever taking the time to ask themselves “What purpose might my singleness serve me and the greater good?” Pain and suffering is not fair, and it’s not created by God. But taking that pain and suffering and channeling it into something positive and life-changing and hopeful is where miracles occur. I chose to look at my singleness as a positive and in doing so, changed the course of my career, life path, and ultimately – destiny. We don’t have to let pain and suffering become the end of our story. We can CHOOSE to write our own stories. THAT is my message to this sweet woman. Not to go through life angry and bitter at the hand she’s been dealt but to determine to find a way to use the hand she’s been dealt to win the game…and if not to win it, then to give it the best, boldest try she can. Ultimately, we can have everything handed to us on a silver platter and still be miserable people. Or we can have everything taken from us and choose to be joyful. The point is – it’s up to US.
This was a wonderful read !! Thanks 🙂
wowowo..Mandy..amazing…. very powerful…thanks for opening up…
Thank you Mandy you dont know how much I needed this right now. You are a blessing and I thank God for speaking to me through you. From one 35 year old single woman to another I feel your pain and struggles and often asked where is God myself and today I got my answer.
Powerful! You are so on target!! Great reminder for me. Thank you for sharing!!!
thank you so much for this answer, I felt you were talking to me. I’ve struggled with anxiety and being single at 33. this blog is a blessing. i want to reach out to others, but mostly after reading this i feel more like God & Jesus love me and accept me for who I truly am, all of me, even my weaknesses or things that might be considered shortcomings. thank you so much.
This message brought tears. My story is so very different but i feel so alone at times. Thanks for sharing.
Im knew to your blog. Matter of fact, this is the 1st. time here.
I was surprised when I began to read the lady letter. I have the same thing. I had the year treatment for it and it hasn’t re-surfaced as of 3 years.. I needed to hear your reply and I know feel so much better and more confident. Thank you and Thank you to the women that had the courage to write in. Good luck to her.
As a life coach and mental healthcare administrator specializing in anxiety disorders, I see people deal with feeling alone and isolated. When I tell them they are not alone they cry. Knowing that people care and that you are not as different as you think, means all the world.
Maybe its true that everything has a purpose, and someday, somehow we will understand the reasons why such bad things are happening to us ! But for as long us we keep on holding our faith to the lord above…. He will provide us solutions!
Mandy thank you so much for your courage to put out there your own struggle that it might would help someone. I was as you spoke of pridefully breezing through life without a care in the world for 39 years. I look back and think how could i have been so shallow so narrow minded and not even take into consideration consequences of my action or words. I often wonder how many people i hurt that I don’t even know as well as having to live with a lifetime of regrets of the ones I do know I have negatively affected. My eyes were open only through the first tragic events of my life which on 8-19-12 I lost my grandmother who was the only family member I have that ever went to church she passed unexpectedly had a massive heart attack one sunday morning getting ready for church. This made me appreciate life much more and see things in a new perspective but also didn’t understand WHY God took her she was in great health for an 83 year old woman an active asset to her community her church her friends and the glue that held our spread out dysfunctional family together! My mother was an alcoholic my whole life I never remember her being sober she wasn’t nurturing she just didn’t know how to show love or how to be loved. I had some positive female role models in my life an older sister, my step mom and my godmother was very active in raising me but it never replaces the void of wanting your mother, and now she has passed and only 6 months after grandma and even on Valentine’s day 2013! Eventhough we were not close this has completely destroyed me! I have been so mentally and emotionally unstable trying to understand everything from again WHY , why does it hurt why is this affecting me in such a detrimental way. So I have went from a shallow narrow minded confident independent women to a broke down confused lost anxious insecure shell of a person. I wasnt raised in church but when i was 30 God set me free from drugs alcohol and an abusive marriage of 15 yrs in every form verbally physically sexually and mentally and I still praise him for that! But eventhough I was freed i remained shallow and narrow minded of course I didnt realize it at the time but i do now. My insecurity has me even questioning do I really have a relationship with our Savior because or have i been going through the motions. I also have an amazing daughter and how she turned out to be so amazing is only by God almighty because unfortunately i was a mother just like mine. My mom died leaving me with the void of never having a mother and always wanting one, I am bound and determined to fill the void that my daughter has our relationship is broken no foundation no trust but i am giving all of what little i have left in me to be the mother i should of been from the beginning! But I said all that to say this …2-14-14 will be a year since my mom passed and with all that is going on inside me its like my heart has been awakened and mind is completely aware of reality and at the same time I don’t know what to do with all what is going on inside me so i continue to be extremely insecure and anxious and when I cry out to God nothing no tears no peace just silence Where is God and i thought you reap what you sow, and then finally he whispered i want you to serve me obey me even when you cant hear me or feel me just through your faith and he is allowing me to be personally rock bottom to get myself out of the way before he floods we with his spirit again. Romans 1:5 we receive grace to the obedience that comes from faith and 1Samuel 15:22 better to be obedient than to sacrifice. I am still only at the beginning of this revelation that God has given me but it has given me one thing that I had lost and that is HOPE again! HE NEVER LEAVES US OR FORSAKES US!!!!!
Wow Mandy amazing answer and testimony,, i also do suffer from anxiety and bad terrible panics attacks, i hate them.but your struggled encourage me so much,, thankyou
I am in the same place, unwanted prolonged singleness and I don’t have a life threatening disease. I am not seeing the encouragement I would be able to give others in this same situation, other than I am in the same boat as you. Kinda a misery loves company theme and yeah you have to accept
it. I want marriage and am lonely and depressed due to unanswered prayer. Single women want to see victory over struggles, not just squelch stronng normal unfulfilled desire and give up wanting. We want to see an active God leading us into ordained arrangements, not just strength to remain single and find substitute consolation prizes. If women see God providing the fulfillment of desires he put in us, that will give authentic
encourage to them. Not seeing a group of single Christian women growing larger each year with relentless waiting on something God is not involved in providing . Unwanted prolonged singlrness drives women right into the arms of non believing men who will pursue. Maybe God should stop putting the desire for male companionship, affection, and intimacy
in women when his will does not include spouses for these dear ladies
of all agies.
Mandy, thank you so much for your blog and your response to this lady suffering from hepatitis c. I know that her life is hard, but I agree with you that God is going to use her. I appreciate your blog, it helps me and inspires me thank you for the wonderful things you say and your encouragement for others.
OUTSTANDING!!!!!! PERFECTLY WRITTEN!!!!!!!!! You ROCK MANDY!! MAY GOD CONTINUE TO BLESS YOU and your friend. Amen.
that was awesome, words I needed to hear/read and be reminded of His stregnth. thanks
I needed to read that post! The power of stranger to carry out such a blessing as little as a motivating word is beyond what I can begin to describe! You are a blessing to so many people! Your words are consoling and lead me towards a faith based, patient, Christian path. You were the start of my commitment to become closer to God! Thank you!
I loved this question and your answer. I am a 56 year old never married childless woman who knows that God is in charge. However sometimes its so hard to be alone. I found it difficult when I was in my thirties and all my friends were getting married and having children but that was a cake walk to the stage I am in know with my friends having grandkids. It fills me with an emptiness that I cant fill even though I have joined clubs, church etc. Sometimes our lives dont go as we planned and its hard but one day at a time we can believe there are better days ahead.
I understand how you feel. I turn 40 this April and I am once again single, like you I have pushed myself, joined new groups, made new friends and get out and about a lot but sometimes it would be lovely to have someone close to share things with. As you though, I give my love to my Angels and to God and know that what is meant to be will be. I wish you love and laughter in your life.
Love Kay xxx
It’s never too late with God. He places the solitary in families. That’s His word and He never fails. I’ve seen him come through so many times. There is a great man God is bringing your way. Be expectant.
I’m right there with you, Kay! I hear people in their 30’s talk about it, and you’re right – while it was hard then, it wasn’t anything compared to now!!! I often wonder why some have married 6 or 7 times by now, and I haven’t found even one. People who are single again say they are alone too, and I think, at least you were happy for awhile. At least you got a beautiful child out of it. And I wonder why people that don’t want or even like kids ‘accidentally’ end up with them, while people like me who love them & everyone says would be an awesome mom never had the chance. And I guess won’t at this point. For the record, I’m considered an attractive, smart, very caring person. Men are always saying they can’t believe no one has ‘snatched me up’. I’m regularly mistaken to be in my 30’s, although I’m almost 50. I’ve had a lot of men that would have been willing. But that doesn’t make them the right one if I can’t feel anything for them, does it? If I know in my heart they aren’t right for me. And somehow the relationships I thought might have worked, didn’t. It’s hard when you have no one in you’re life that you feel like is there for you, as other people’s spouses , kids, etc. are for them. And it’s hard when you think you’ve found the right one, then it doesn’t happen. In all of the advice, books, whatever, people recommend joining churches, clubs, etc., but that is not anymore an answer than telling a heroin addict to have a glass of tea. It’s just not the same thing at all. I have all of that, but it doesn’t mean someone is there with me at Christmas, when I have a car trouble late at night, if I get sick, to snuggle with at night, when I’m trying to take care of freezing pipes, when my mom died (and I REALLY saw what alone was), or if the burdens of everyday life just overwhelm me. Even in the church, single people are often looked down upon or considered not quite complete as the church goes on and on about families. A common message is to listen for when you get married. I’ve heard more sermons than I would have imagined where they were talking about marriage or family & the pastor actually has said that ‘you single people, you’ll need this when you meet your future spouse’ and inferred that SOME day you too will be complete. Such a comfort for someone that is 60 and never married – your whole life has been incomplete, non-valued, & just waiting for someone else. Churches that pride themselves on welcoming the tattooed, pierced, former felons, and any one else that doesn’t look like a ‘typical’ churchgoer, still have a problem accepting single people. Often, we are the only still taboo group left. They let us in, but welcome us? No, we might try to steal someone’s spouse. We’re not complete. Forgetting the fact that Jesus, Paul, Mary, Martha, and so many others they preach about were single. The only thing I can tell you is I’m trying to learn more and more about God and His will. I may never understand why I can’t have what almost everyone else does. I guess I just have to trust there is a reason. I’m sure it’s better than being with the wrong person. And I have to work on being happy with what I do have and be grateful for my friends. Maybe reach out to others who have less than I do. I guess I can take comfort that Jesus, too, was single. And rejected by many of those he even died for. But if anyone else has a word for how to deal with it in the here and now, I’d certainly welcome hearing it!!
OMG!! I feel the same way! I could never figure out why God didn’t wont me to be happy. I sometimes thought that God assumed I wouldn’t be a great mom or wife. I do think that it’s unfair & VERY hurtful to be alone. Thanks for your comment!
OMG! I am going through the exact same thing except I am 39. How depressing is it not to even have anyone to talk too! All your friends have husbands & grandkids, I have 0! I always wondered why God never blessed me with a husband & kids. I think it’s so unfair! The people who live right never receive a blessing!! Thanks for your comment!
God Bless YOU for being courageous and vulnerable and open! You will speak about your anxiety and you have comforted me today for sure! I’m almost 50, divorced with two teenagers at home and I’m unemployed-feeling very isolated and alone in this journey… But you are right and finding that platform is important. I’ve made it my platform to speak for unemployed middle age workers during this time of trial. Am I in another desert? Another valley?! Yes! But the Bible is full of miracles and I must remind myself daily-sometimes several times a day that I am going to be strengthened in this journey. We are not alone! Thank you Mandy for this beautiful post! I’m also going to comment on Facebook but at least wanted to send this to you!
Thank you Diana! Wow! I needed what you said. I am in the same place exactly. It is one interview after another of hope and promise followed by rejection everytime. That is IF i ever make it to an interview. I too am a single mom to two. I watch and listen to people gripe and complain about their jobs or job hop with no appreciation. At this point I would almost rather be in a miserable job making money vs unemployed. To me the worse is I cant tithe to my church. Or I have little to tithe when I can. It is so beyond depressing. You gave me a sunray of hope. Thank you
Hi, i saw your reply about being unemployed, what are we to do I know God promised me buisnesses .I have really been trusting God I have been Blessed with more money off the job than on..You know God is going to bring it to past but you don’t know when I have been Faithful in church, Church functionings.. Do we get on a job are keep waiting for door opem for his Promise..Because He said he would do it different than before I dont want to mess up and move and God didnt say..Thanks for hearing me out..
You are not alone. You may be single, but you are not alone. At 49, I feel the EXACT same way you do. So sick of hearing things like: stop looking and it will happen (Bollux). When you learn to love yourself, then someone will too. This one resonated with me because in some ways it is true; but it does not guarantee marital love will come your way. Have you tried (fill in the blank)? Oh no, I have been sitting on the sofa in my pajamas waiting for him to ring my doorbell (silly me). Hope is something we possess in abundance, but with each decade that passes single it depletes greatly. So if someone has been holding on for 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 years with hope that it will happen, we do not want to hear from people “hold out hope it will happen”. Really, and for those that die never being married? Those that never have children (not by choice)? Those that never connect to a faith (after a lifetime of soul searching)?
My answer is this. There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with me. There is nothing perfect about those who attain everything. It is what it is. You life is not measured by destinations you achieve, but by the journey and path you forge for yourself. The single life lived well and full is like a path for those (and there will be many) who will follow or look for signposts you have left. If you find your strength through God, great. If you find your strength in yourself, great. If you find your strength through others, great. Just know that it is your life, and you are the best person to know what is right for you. But most importantly know that you are not alone. You may be lonely, but I have known people in marriages that are lonely. Take pride in your decision to not accept less than you are comfortable with just to appease society!
What an amazing answer! Sometimes we forget that God is there with us even if it doesn’t feel like he is. My mom always tells me when I am stressed or worried about something that God is in control! That’s when you have to just say, ok that’s right he is!
Thank you so much I needed to read this. I have been struggling with my life and where I am at. I am trying to find my higher power and accept God or something cause I just feel lost right now. This week has been very emotional. I just finished reading your book and it helped me a lot. Your words could not have came at a better time.
I needed to read this. I am struggling right now..Everything in my life is falling apart..it reminded me to have faith.Thank you:) And God bless
WOW……..I BELIEVE the message was perfectly intended for Me !!!!
I have chills after reading this. I have recently fallen away from God because of the horrid things that a Christian family has been doing to my daughter and I. I know understand that God is not bad or mean, that he is just bringing me to my happiness. It may be a hard and long road but if I continue to give my problems to God it will shorten my road to happiness tenfold. Thank you so much Mandy!
I have to share something that I realized a few days ago. My first husband died many years ago. I remarried – and that marriage ended in divorce after almost 20 years. People ask which one hurts the most. I have always said – divorce. God choose to take my first husband home, but in divorce my second husband chose to leave. But then I realized that God was actuallywas there working
That was great…Amen to that!!
I never for a moment felt He had forsaken me when I was diagnosed with cancer last June. This article so eloquently explains how I felt about my diagnosis and so much more! Thank you for this! #livinglifecancerfree #trustHimalways
Thank you Mandy! Reading this made difference to me . And it is very helpful thank you for sharing may God bless you more to keep shining ..
Mandy and Friend you have already touched my life. You are both awesome. Our crosses seem so very heavy, especially when you are single, many a time I feel quiet alone….but due to my stubbornness I am alone as I do not reach out like Mandy has just said.
Amazing words of encouragement
Thank you Mandy, you are an amazing woman of God. We serve an amazing God and he allows us to go through trials and tribulations to prepare us. It is never easy but if we stay focused on him, we can see the light. I have had that same question before, and then out of nowhere, he shows you the answer. Never think you’re prayers go unanswered, God answers them, it may not be what we’ve prayed for, but he knows what is best for us and that is how he answers them. I have seen it many times. I pray for that sweet lady and her situation and I lift you up as well Mandy, to continue your work witnessing to other. Have a blessed day.
Cried the whole way through. Thank you!
This really touched me. I too question where God is at times. I am a divorced 37 yr old woman with no children. I have faith in God and love him and know that I am truely blessed for what I do have and try to focus on that instead of what i dont have. I have always wanted to be a mother and was always told i would be a great one but it just never happened. I have been hurt so many times by men and now even though i am extremely lonely I dont even try to find someone it seems to be a waste. It is hard to see others(like my ex husband) who arent good people living what appeara to be a good life, it hurts but I keep trying to have faith that This hurt was all worth it that I will find happiness again someday.
Wow Mandy that was AWESOME !! Made me cry ..hit home. I’ve been single for ?? 13 ? 14 yrs ? not one date. I’m divorced and have 3 kids. so my focus was on them. and I won’t change that . But my youngest graduated high school last year. So now my time I feel ? God on the other hand ? lol but not his fault mine . I don’t put myself out there. I have tried dating sites. not for me. So God will just have to have me meet this guy another way I guess ? lol but I also feel I have a lot on my plate . And as much as I’d love someone to help me through it ? last year I turned 45 the age mom my was when she pasted. My daughter’s graduation was on my birthday . That to me was a blessing bcuz it was about her as it shouldve been . But now I’m 4 months from turning 46 . She didn’t get to. I’m sooooo trying to celebrate this but hard. kind of bitter sweet. she was sick but to me that doesn’t matter. yes I get it. but she use to say when he calls you home… thank you for everything you do !!
Truly inspirAtional! Thank you!! And the part about seeing your story as a gift that hit hard in a good way!! And your hopes about your anxiety reaching someone … It reached me i struggle with it im encouraged by your story and reminded to see it as a gift .
I needed to read this today! Like right on spot with your answer! I was and am at a very low point in my life and reading that helped more than I can ever thank you enough for!
I have struggled with this a lot lately. I am in my late 20’s and seeing friend gets married–some more than once–makes me question if God has someone for me. I am NOT saying I want to be married more than once because I believe marriage is forever. I recently have been casually dating a guy for almost three months but he doesn’t want to rush it. However, he gave me the ability to access his house if he isn’t there and we have so much in common and have even discussed financial/personal things, but I still question if he is truly interested in me. A part of me says “Yes!” because who gives someone access to their house and discusses personal information with another person if they aren’t interested (…thoughts?). Sometimes I feel like God has forgotten me but I know this isn’t truth. I know he is always there.
That was beautifully said…I have struggled with so much lately that I had almost given up. I am finally coming to realize that God has not forgotten me and that things will turn out the way it all should. I thank him everyday for that little bit of strength that he has given me when I wanted to give up because I know it was him by my side pushing me forward.
Thanks Mandy for taking your time to respond to this encouraging woman…. I’m 31 years old, and although I’m engaged to an amazing boyfriend, I’m still fighting with character issues…. You’ re right about something: we’re all struggling with something, some because they’re alone and others because we can’t have self control….
This remind us that even having everything we wanted, it’s God’s will What truly matters! I’ve learned that you can stablish a bunch of things in life, but you can’t forget that our life is not ours, it belongs to God! All of our defects are a way to keep us near God, they help us to understand that everything has a purpose, no matter our age, status or culture! We just have to believe that God is in control and that he does know what’s best for us….
And foro those of you concerned about yor age, let me say that my mom hot married after two terrible divorces, at the age of 50 and it has become her largest marriage (10 years)!!!! So don’t loose your faith, you all need to believe that everything is possible for God!!!!
Something caught my eye about this blog and I had to continue to read the entire message. I too suffer painfully, especially lately with anxiety. I try to control it, but I am not having very much success. All of our struggles are different, just like the lovely lady you answered to in your blog. The words allowed me to breath a bit easier knowing I am not the only one out there feeling entirely alone without anyone to share my concerns with. Thanks for sharing and caring.
I agree 100% with your response to this woman’s email. I know that the struggles in my life and the thorns of my flesh are spiritual tools God has given me in this life to connect and empathize with my fellows. I grieve from the pain I endure from PTSD, Bi Polar Disorder, Anxiety and Panic disorder as well as Crohn’s Disease. These are all hard to handle alone, and wrapped together they are even more difficult to overcome. At the age of 24, I am able to relate to each person I meet and when I am able to level with people in my crossings about trials and tribulations, my struggle is 200% worth it. I thank God for the thorns he has granted me because without them I wouldn’t be Me.
Thank you, Mandy. It’s as though God just spoke to me through your beautiful words. I’m 55 and was recently diagnosed with an incurable lung disease. My whole world has changed. I’ve been single 17 years, and was just ready to begin to entertain the idea of another relationship when I fell ill last February. I now feel like damaged goods…..who would want to take me and my health issues on. The answer that I see clearly now is God. I am perfect in his eyes, and I rest safely in his arms.
Praying for you, precious friend.
You’re not damaged goods dear lady. God has made you the head and not the tail. He has beautiful plans for your future, may 2014 be the year you experience a higher level of faith and blessings! Praying for you!
Very well said Mandy! You’re truly an inspiration. God bless you more.
Reading your response has helped me to make a decision regarding starting a blog. I’ve been on the fence about it because I know when I start blogging about being a 50+ newly single woman who is starting a new career, has spent the last three years dealing with every major life stressor (except for giving birth or losing a child)..I will be honest & forthcoming about the highs & lows. Because I know that I will be honest and it will be deeply personal I have been on the fence…I am deciding if I am ready to reveal so much of myself on a blog…do I want to open up to possibly a lot of people? I have been thinking that sharing my struggles of the past few years might help someone else who is going through it now or someone who has gone through it and will find comfort (and laughter) in knowing they are not alone…we all have struggles but so often people chose not to share…making it even worse. After reading your reply to this woman I think I am one step closer to deciding that yes I should do this…just maybe I will help someone and maybe I will help myself to move on to a better more rewarding life. Thank you for sharing this.
I would like to follow your blog. I haven’t found allot of blogs that address what women over fifty are going thru.
I would like to follow your blog as well. I am right there with you about being a 50+ newly single woman and learning how to cope.
I feel the same way as “Ramona”. I feel lost and wondering around aimlessly 5 years after my divorce. I’m stuck in the past. After 32 years of marriage I don’t know how to move on. I’m constantly begging God to help me.
I agree that there needs to be a blog for single women 50+. I am 50 ,a newly single woman and mom to an autistic child.
These were just the words I’ve been needing to hear. Just a little reminder that there is a bigger plan here and watching all of my friends get married and have children is just part of my experience .Thank You!!
Anxiety…I know this one well ………I have lived my life trying to outrun it…that would be similar to out running a train…Now I lean into it, embrace it, remembering the episodes will not last forever..it has taught me to pay close attention to me and gets me back on track to live in a kinder more gentle way with myself…It has been a lesson/gift in disguise…It has made me more human….more sensitive to the people and the world around me…… Yes I too hang onto to the Cloak of God,,some times tighter if that is what I need…….
Thank you for sharing that Mandy! Couldn’t have been more perfectly timed!
I suppose this is brilliant if one indeed has a solid relationship with G-d. For those of us that are re-evaluating our relationships — all of them including the one we have with G-d and unsure what we believe or what G-d believes — coming to accept being alone is difficult. Even if it is our choice. I would encourage the reader to find the courage to attend or create groups for exercise, walking regularly to build those feel good hormones, sharing talents through volunteer services, teaching skills, volunteering or part time work even. I think that is where G-d is based on my very real and recent experience. Being socially busy is important to find my voice in a world that is going very fast and forgetful. I haven’t found it in church, and the Pastor I met with actually fell asleep during our conversation. Believe it. What this anonymous reader is writing should be taken very seriously. Staying active puts me in the seat of control of my life to abate that fear, even if only for a few moments at a time, to get back in the game of life. And G-d has appeared where I least expected it and in different ways than I had once believed.
My friend, I am about to turn 60 in March. I have been single since 1983 and I have had multiple heartbreaks. The last one, quite recently, was particularly painful. Although I have wonderful sons, I truly have not found the love of my life, and maybe I won’t in this lifetime. That doesn’t make me any less important. I, too, have felt invisible and vulnerable to doubting God’s existence. I can only advise you that perhaps you are being spared of something far worse in life. Maybe now is not the time to be visible, but it definitely is the time to prepare yourself for a great moment in your life. That is up to you. What do you want? It is not so easy to answer that question when you think about it, because at this age, we know that there is always challenge even in the best of situations. That comes from wisdom. Your heart knows this and only wants your attention. Listen to it, because God sends you His messages that way. I know this seems abstract, believe me. I’ve had a devastating blow this past week, and my future is not financially secure. But I’m turning inward and inviting God in, because without that, you wander aimlessly throughout your life. There are mysteries that we’ll never understand, but trust that you will be okay. You are not alone; there are many of us in the same situation.
Doesn’t seem abstract at all, and I too am with you on the path of uncertainty. May we find the courage — the heart — to do and receive what is in front of us.
I also cried the whole way through your blog. I know He is always there but for some reason today, your words sank in long and deep. I have a daughter that grew up in the church , got off track for a while , ( five years that have seemed like an eternity to me) , a friend gave her your book and she read it in a couple of days. ( she is NOT a reader!) It helped her re-focus some things. She cannot wait for your next book to come out. She is now pregnant ….not married and dealing with a dis-interested man, but I believe your book was used by God to draw her back to Him…….grace keeps calling her home. He will see her through this. Thank you for writing . Young women and even us older ones need to be reminded of Truth. God is indeed giving you voice into the lives of thousands and you are being heard……and making a difference for the Kingdom! Yea God! I love the way He does what He does!!!!!
Thank you so much for motivating me. I am 26 years old, i have never been in a relationship (because i was always studying) and hard to believe im still yet to experience my first kiss from my first boyfriend. People think im weird and encourage me to sleep with guys for the experience because im almost 30 and being a virgin is apparently no no in relationships. But i shut them out-because i know God has plans for me-he wouldnt have put me in this role if he didnt have the right guy out there somewhere. For the first time in years im leaving behind the tears and insecurity and trusting almighty God. Thank you so much for giving me this sign 🙂
God bless you, Mandy. Your response is perfect, and really ministered to me. I’m in my 40s, single & never been married nor do I have children. I want to encourage you to continue to be a wonderful example of how we should “do” singlehood. God bless you indeed & may He enlarge your territory.
I have the following message hanging in my cubicle at work:
“Thank you, Lord, I know I’m truly blessed, no matter what I ask for, you always know what’s best”.
Mandy, God bless you immensely for this encouraging write up. Please keep it going.
Let me add to the list of people who have been really touched by this message. I’m 33, terminally single, and I feel like my whole life has been one big struggle. Depression, anxiety, financial problems, and an absolutely crippling insecurity going back to childhood are like giant fire-breathing dragons that have me surrounded on all sides. It has been so hard just in the last five years to believe in a God who really cares about my little life. Especially on the days, like today, when I feel like I’ve been abandoned to deal with all of this alone. In my head, I know he does care, but my heart just hurts so much that I can’t hear or see anything else. My faith wasn’t strong enough, it got crushed under the weight of everything. Some nights I go to bed praying that he’ll have mercy on me and just take me home to heaven. A terrible thing to want, I know. But the answer is always no, so I keep struggling along, doing the best I can.
It’s hard to trust that God has my best interests at heart when it’s so hard to get through the day. I know I was never promised an easy time of it. I just never thought it would be so hard. But anyway, I’m not giving up yet, and your message definitely helped me today. Thanks 🙂
When times of uncertainty come my way, I have to remind myself that I have never read in the bible, “Go figure it out.” Our almighty, sovereign God has already done that for us and our task is to believe in his faithfulness and love. I must confess that most times I make it more difficult than it has to be. If we ask for bread will He give us a stone?
In the past six months, my life has undergone some major obstacles. My boyfriend of 9 years broke up with me and started dating someone new within 6 weeks, I failed another class extending my college career by four months, I was in an accident that totaled my car, I’m in an immense amount of debt. Sure it gets me down and angry and frustrated, but I believe everything happens for a reason and that God has a plan. Despite all of this, I’m happier and healthier overall than I was six months ago. I’m helping one friend through a divorce and another through a complicated break up. I’ve felt all the emotions, experienced the pain, so I understand what these two friends are going through. I can offer advice or just a listening ear. I love your response Mandy. It is so true. God doesn’t hand out hardship, he allows it to happen and watches how we respond. And he is there for us to help us through the hardships. If everything was handed to us on a silver platter, we’d never know how strong we truly are.
Wow, ur pains were for a reason…to help some other people.
Mandy, I can relate to this woman in many ways. I became a single parent in my 30’s thinking I had to be like everyone else, thinking getting married would come. It didn’t happen, the father beat me up and humiliated me in front of our children. I took a stand and walked away. It was hard but I was determined I didn’t have to live that way. I moved out of state with my children with no job, knowing only a college friend. Life was difficult but God gave me peace I had never known the day I moved in. It took a while, but God kept working on me, through all of the difficult times for me to know He was with me. I sometimes didn’t understand, but He was always there. His ways are higher than your ways (Isaiah 55:6-12) is a favorite passage to read. With God’s help I’ve raised two fantastic children both in college. There are still difficulties but I know where my strength comes from. I’ve been able to take all of my numerous experiences and share them with someone who is in a similar situation. God uses you to help others. God will also use others to help you, physically, financially, emotionally. Before you know it, you’ll be stronger than ever. There are times when I get down, but I keep talking to God, telling Him, that I don’t like this thing going on, what are YOU going to do about it. I talk to Him daily, out loud! I tell him my feelings, good or bad. I recognize he is listening, when someone out of the blue tells me something I need to hear. For this woman, I am almost 55, not married. Do I want a husband, yes! However, I am not willing to compromise what God has promised me, he knows the desires of my heart, but I won’t be too disappointed if I never get married. I have to TRUST a God that loves me enough to die on a cross for my salvation. The God who loves me unconditionally. The God who takes care of me and my children, each and every day. You have something to be thankful for, are you blinded by it because you feel rejection and loneliness? Focus on what God is doing for you in other ways. It’s there, take a look and be thankful for it! God Bless You.
Hi may I ask what city did you go to are you employed, did you find a home?
Thank you. I’m struggling with so many things that I see as a punishment. It’s just for me to keep trying and praying.
thank you so much for sharing that you have anxiety. i also struggle with it and during the worse periods, i ask God to help me grow from it, and understand where its coming from. anxiety is the greatest way to understand yourself, in my opinion, and as much as it is a pain to bear, it’s taught me so many things (like what i really want or what i’m truly afraid of, who i most care about and what i would like to be). i ask God daily to lead me to the man i’ll marry and who will be the father of my children and i trust that he will. do i doubt? yes. but i think that i have to learn to give myself completely to Him and enjoy the blessings i have now, including being single and dealing with anxiety.
I agree with your answer and totally accept it in my head (and sometimes in my heart). However, I read the response of Marsha and Jeri. I do not see the purpose of being single and not being married at 38 yrs of age. Not only do I suffer with this state, but all my closest single Christian female friends who I have known since birth also single. While my male friends are all married with kids. We have to endure birthday parties, Xmas, Valentine’s Day and etc wondering what purpose God has for us being single when are counterparts are not. Did they love God more? Did we sin in such a way that we will not be given the opportunity to get married? Is there a black male Christian shortage? What’s Up? Also, I will be truthful, I will be strongly disappointed if I o not get married and have children. I feel that is my purpose. It is the only thing I have been truly passionate about fulfilling. I am teacher in community college. I have a Master’s degree. I am thinking about pursuing my PH.D. I am slowly getting my finances in shape. I have al ways worked in the church and I love God’s people and pushing the ministry forward in any I possibly can. But, parts of me just feel like I am marking time waiting for something that God seems to want to deny me. And so I endure with the longing for me and my friends waiting for God to do what I asked him to do or to take the desire away. So far I am 0 for 2. Do I have to be like Paul and continue to have the splinter in my heart forever to prove that I want to follow him?
Dami, I would encourage you to remember that happiness isn’t about having a relationship. In fact, marriage doesn’t guarantee an end to unhappiness if you’re not already happy, it just guarantees an end to your singleness. Perhaps God wants to get you to the place where you find happiness and peace within Him and within yourself. A relationship cannot magically make you happy if you’re not already happy. I have learned this many, many times until I finally grasp the concept. A relationship ca only make you more of what you already are. Work on being happy with yourself, then perhaps you’ll attract a man who will add to that happiness rather than feeling the weight of having to CREATE it for you.
Wow words hit home, I have a traumatic brain injury and most people dont know how to just understand im still me just have a few injuries now.Thanks
I understand how this person feels. I have MS. I have had people ask me why does God allow you to go through this? I can’t say I have never asked that myself because I have. But my answer is the same as yours!!! There are reasons I go through this. Maybe to keep my faith strong…..maybe to help others learn to be strong and overcome. I don’t know. Yes, it can be lonely because people don’t get it, or don’t want to ” deal” with it. But I know He is with me and I’m not alone.
Beautifully said..I believe through out our lives if we were never weak during certain trials whether they be short or whether they are with us for the rest of our days, well then we would never find our strengths and we would never become the person we are meant to be…I believe the person each and everyone of us are at this very moment is who we are supposed to be.. Stay positive. I believe without any questions or thoughts in our heads or even with them.. He knows whats in our hearts. There’s no hiding it.. He might just be waiting for you to meet that special someone who is perfect for you and until that day comes he will not let you settle for anything less, but these are just thoughts (positive thoughts). Who knows i don’t but I try to find the positive for every situation (try) is the key word which I’m sure many of you ladies also do. God bless you all. I pray for all of you to find what you are searching for… Love a Sister
As a 46 year singleton woman (never married) who lives by inspiring others to believe in their self worth and love, I could not have written a more beautiful response full of Gods love and truth. Thank you Mandy, who you are makes difference in many lives!
God bless you for your beautiful response to the woman who wrote you. You are so accurate in your statements. God will never give us more than we can bear. He is by our side & wants only for us to reach out to Him. True we won’t always receive instant healing or resolution but if our hearts are right God will use our problems for the benefit of others.
God bless you abundantly and may God bless the woman who wrote you.
I will lift you both up in prayer.
God Bless you Mandy! I just so needed to read this today!!! I struggled and still do (anxiety, depression, difficult relationship, sick mother) so much over the last year that I often think, this is it, I cannot take it anymore. And then I scream at God, why is He sending all this to me, WHY?!?! I don’t see my path, and I am just begging Him to show me and let me see, understand it! Been praying today all day – before work, at work, now at home… You and Joel Osteen are the light that help me through the day. Thank you so much for being you.
This was an absolutely beautiful response and one that rings very true. I too have suffered with anxiety for much of my adult life, along with being single. At time I feel that God has forgotten me. I look at my brother and sister in law with their beautiful child and think how badly I would love to have that too. Then I step back and remind myself that God didn’t give me the same life as them because he has different, just as wonderful, plans for me. I am not forgotten but I just haven’t learned what my plan is yet. Thank you Mandy for your wonderful blog!
Awfully inspiring, soothing, and always what I need to hear or learn. God bless you.
I always say: God has a plan and it’s not my business to know what it is. Sometimes I do wonder, but I truly believe I am being looked after by a Father who loves his child.
Thank You, Mandy, this is just what I needed to read today. Has been a really stressful time lately, and this gives me hope. Bless you and the person who shared.
I am not really interested to such thing, but the way you preach, oh, you caught my eyes and im inlove with the way how you spread God’s love. I also wanted to be like you. You inspire me to make a move. Thank you.
Thanks for writing this. I’m also 35 and would love to get married and have a baby more than anything else. It’s so hard to listen to people complain about their husband and kids. I compare myself to Job in the Bible sometimes, that helps.
You’re a beautiful spirit, Mandy! Being single myself at 33, I can definitely relate to that aspect of this post, but more than that, I want to thank you for being so open about your anxiety. My mother has been suffering from anxiety and depression for a few years now and it’s been very difficult at times. Your words about both topics are inspiring, as your words always are! 🙂
Your words are really encouraging, its all i needed to hear to start this new day with a positive perspective about my life.God bless u n bless us all.
Amazing answer Mandy! Just before I read you blog, I also read “Got Questions” article about concidence. The verse I read there is also applicable to the story of your letter writer, Romans 8:28 “All things work together for the good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” God is with you sister, your “test” will be your “testimony” to everyone who is going through the same trial. God loves us sooo much that He have his Only Begotten Son for us to reconcile with Him and for us to call Him, “Abba, Father” He knows what you are going through and He is with you every step of the way.
Hi Mandy, I have cried and cried this evening…..asking God to just take me home…..I’m 49 years old and never married and unable to have children. The loneliness has been overwhelming.
I’m glad I read your blog….it’s helped me a bit….sometimes I feel like I’m holding on to the last string on Jesus’ cloak. asking him to not forget me. I have no one else in my life except my Mom who’s 75 and I see her aging before my eyes. I lost my dad 7 years ago. I feel so alone it scares me.
I just feel like I don’t want to live anymore through the pain of being alone and feeling unwanted.
I’m going to keep your post and read it every day to remind myself that I am worth knowing. I ask that you please pray for me Mandy….I need all the strength of prayers I can get….I am tired……
This is amazing. Thank you. I’m a 22 year old girl from India who love you for inspiring the women around the world to be free and stand up for their self respect.. For themselves even when no one else do, God’s got our back! Love, peace and blessings!!!
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Thank you all for sharing. Yes, we all have our crosses to carry, just as did our lord. A friend shared a link on facebook today with me that shows the outcome of one man’s suffering… beauty brought out of tragedy. Search for “that tree”. I hope it brings a moments peace as well as hope to all as it gave me.
This is my first time on your website and I happened to read today’s (Jan. 20) blog and it certainly made me shed a tear. As women, we’ve all endured/still enduring struggles and it’s so true that we have 2 options: 1) to see the beauty in the hurdle and grow stronger or 2) let this challenge take us over into a person we’re not supposed to be. I experienced a harsh break up almost 2 years ago and the quote, “God is closest to those who are broken-hearted” is what helped me to realize the beauty and blessing the experience was. I absolutely loved your answer. I couldn’t agree with you more. We certainly have the choice to be happy and find the beauty in something that is not favorable to us. Since this blog, I have subscribed. I also recommended the story for other women. Life is always going to throw us curveballs – some big, some small. It’s up to us to handle them as we see fit, especially to who we are.
WOW………… just WOW……… thank you Mandy… too many times we need to be rminded of how important we really are to our Heavenly Father…. I soooo needed this…. thanks 🙂
Mandy, It’s truly an enormous blessing that God is using you, your experiences, knowledge, and wisdom to guide and show others through your testimony how to turn negatives into positives! All these things you share about and teach others about has become an amazing approach to handling the ups and downs of single life! I believe in this specific blog, the advice and encouragement you shared with her is golden!!! It is all about perspective, attitude, and choosing happiness!! James 1:2-4 consider is pure JOY my friends, when you face trials in life, for it produces perseverance making you mature and complete. So to comment on Marshas reply, I agree with you 100%. God does not make us suffer nor does he ever leave us alone. He hungers for our relationship and faith in him!! Everyone in this world is struggling. He can’t treat us like robots. I am amazed at your ability to turn your anxiety struggles into so much strength and power to relate and help others!!! God is working through you so beautifully!! I am so glad I found your blog and can’t wait to buy your books! I am a 36 year mother of a 19 yr old daughter and 14 year old son. I was married and pregnant at 16 and had a very long hard marriage to an alcoholic man!!! After 16 years of marriage to him and finally letting go I am the happiest I’ve been in over a decade!! It is so hard to be alone yes but I will NEVER settle again. I’ve fallen in love with Christ and embraced my children along with falling in love with my amazing group of friends I’ve gained over the past five years of being single!! I see eye to eye with you on all of your blogs and quotes. I’m truly inspired and am getting so much needed strength from you and it boosts me up daily and helps me think clearly!! I see Christ shining through you and I’m so happy your we’re able to witness to this woman who is lonely and feeling hopeless !!! Look forward to more amazing posts. Thank you, Mandy!!!
thank you Mandy, im going thru the same thing and you answered my question.im 62,with cfs and when guys find out they loose interest. i got very angery at the desease.now i look at it in a new light that makes more sense, also,God works miracles,he just did. I HAD A FRIEND PRAY FOR ME, AND I WAS IN A DARK PLACE AND ASKING GOD WHAT IM TO DO WITH IT ALL, THEN I READ THIS.NEED I SAY MORE, NOW IF ONLY I CAN FIND THE COURAGE ,SINCE I TOO HAVE PANIC ATTACKS.
God is so faithful and He loves us so dearly . Everything happens for a purpose n there’s time for everything. God’s timing is always perfect n His ways are not our ways. For He knows the thoughts He has about our lives.
Hi mandy ! I live in London and only just found your blog a few weeks ago and ordered your book already, cant wait to read it. I thought we had things in common as I’m 29 and single etc, but seeing this answer where you share your anxiety surprised me. I’ve suffered anxiety since i was 21 and its been debilitating like you said. I’ve often prayed to God, not to take it away but to give me the strength to get through this. I’ve missed out on so much everyone around me has been able to do (things to leave in 2013:dnt compare!!) and struggle to date as can’t move around far from my house due to panic attacks. I wouldn’t say I’m happy… But God does give me the ability to believe and understand that there is a reason for everything and i hope one day ill know why. I know its hard for people to still believe in God when they suffering but if we only believed in him when things were going great, then what’s the point?
Thanks Mandy for opening up and sharing your anxiety, i know it takes a lot. Im thinking of starting a blog as, like you, i want people to know they’re not alone and i can’t do much outside so might as well stay on my computer !! Thanks for listening xx
Wow! that was an awesome response. I needed to read that, being 36 next month a single mom for 15 years and gone through so much feeling alone, dealing w/ depression and just so much reading that just helped me too. My pain is my purpose….I’ll never forget that. Thank you Jesus He spoke through you for all of us and used that lady as the door, the Lord used her so he could use you to reach all of us, that is so awesome!!!! Thank you!!!
I don’t yet have the time to read all the responses, and I probably couldn’t anyway with the tears in my eyes. I’m 35, too. For some reason, I pictured you (Mandy) as younger with more “potential” than me. Isn’t that funny? However, your gracious response was so beautiful and heart-warming for me. I have gone through severe depression and suicidal tendencies. By the grace of God and God alone, I have not had those issues for almost 6 years. BUT – their purpose is that NOW, when someone tells me she feels like it’s the only option and she can’t see past it – I UNDERSTAND. I understand that deep, deep hopelessness and despair and being so convinced that really, everyone else on earth would be better off if I wasn’t here. Even my daughter. But you know what? God has his hand in my life, and my story. He restored my relationship with my daughter (began to restore when she was 5, she is 9 now), and we thank Him for his grace and give HIM the glory. And people who didn’t know me 5 years ago don’t believe my story, until I ask my daughter to confirm it. But we are living proof that God’s grace can heal and restore and I know for a fact, now, that our story has touched and continues to touch those who become aware of it. So. Did God intend for me to be verbally abusive to my husband and daughter? No. Is He using it for his glory now? Absolutely. It would be selfish of me not to tell it and give Him the glory. So… there is purpose in pain.
Hi Mandy! I glad you were able to give her a good and encouraging response. I am a single mom, clocked 29 this month, and my son will be 12 this year. Av been in and out of relationships, heartbroken and disappointed several times but av refuse to allow that bring me down, most especially av been able to find an unfailing love in Christ and that is my hope for life. In Africa (Nigeria) the stigmatization for single mom finding new love life is so strong and could be very challenging, but for me this has given strength. av gotten my inspirations for the word of God, fellowship with the HolyGhost and reading from resource materials. Thanks for your regular post on my mail and facebook. Love you!
I sort of know what she is going through. After I found out I had MS the guy I was seeing dumped me. And 10yrs later guys still are afraid. The ironic thing is despite the fact I have MS I am probably more healthy than them. And lead an active life. The MS has been a blessing because I never take things for granted. And live my life. And I am now doing photography for the local hockey team.
Inspiring!thank you for sharing this Mandy:-)
You really are a blessing!
I’am blessed to read this blog. Thanks Mandy. Even me, I’am blessed with your story. To that one sweet woman. Always remember,”Nothing Just happens” because God has His plans.. Better plan for you. Have faith! 🙂
Thank you so much for opening up about your anxiety- I have suffered with it as well for years now and view it as Gods way of reminding me to lean on him- just as you explained. It is my cross to carry and reading that you suffer with it as well helped me know that I am not alone in this battle.
Thank you, bless you
What a beautiful, heart warming yet heart wrenching response. I, myself have been questioning my purpose & my pain. I have been contemplating many things, not so good I may add. However, you are right. Through pain, you grow. Your response made me cry. It hit home & it hit hard. Because my ex cheated on me, he gave me a disease I have to live with for the rest of my life. I’m a good person. I was too good to him. What is the purpose & the lesson there? I question God everyday. 2 yrs later, I’m still waiting for a response. I pray everyday that I can surpass this, meet someone & be “normal”. Purpose? Pain? Lesson? Growth? Yes, all of the above. It just doesn’t make sense & it’s not fair. Although your response was beautiful, it can’t fix a broken spirit. But – I am trying, everyday I try.
Mandy~ thank you for listening to God and opening up in such a real way. I am 58, divorced for many years, no children. My “thorn in the flesh” is that I embarrass and blush easily in crowds anxiety– all rolled into one. Of course, I’ve asked, pleaded and begged God to take it away. But He knows better than anyone what I need and don’t need. I know in my heart that my God is not mean. This “thing” does keep me close and dependent on him. And what better place to be.
I’ve often wondered about my singleness. Why, at 58 marraige hasn’t happened. But I’m learning not to dwell on it. I see friends who struggle in their marriages and I remember the old saying — be careful what you ask for.
There are many single people blogs, books, groups. But they seem to focus more on young singles. I do like your blog Mandy. You’re real. And I do believe, with God’s leading, you can make a difference in lives. I hope you’ve made a difference in the way this lady sees herself.
I appreciate and agree with every word of your response, Mandy. The statement, “Your pain IS your purpose”, really spoke to me. Thank you for your words and spirit, sister!
You might not ever see my comment, but I have to say that you never cease to amaze me. I got through the same exact thing with my self esteem. It’s been a long, trying battle to feel even remotely pretty or comfortable in my own skin and I’ve literally begged to the point that I think God is sick hearing my voice about it ! lol but I never would’ve guessed maybe this is why I’ve dealt with it for so long. As I near 22 (yes, I’m still fairly young), I hope to slowly become more transparent and able to find the beauty in all of my pain. You’re such an inspiration to women all over in general!
I see all comments 😉 THANK YOU for your kindness!!! xoxo
Many people today looking and asking where is God in times of trouble , suffering anything that hurts them.The question is do you really have the time to look and ask for God.I believe we can find can if we seek Him with all our heart.God did not plan to suffer us or put us in trouble without His purpose and plan for us.God allowed it so we can turn our lives to Him and see the goodness of what He can do for us.God uses the natural principle of gardening in our life what we sow , what we rep-if we plan a good seed for God by means living , walking and obeying to His word you cannot ask that question again Where is God?Because you are very secure even in your painful, loneliness and trouble He is with you.Having the right relationship with God will remind us how faithful and living our God.Trust in God even in the very worst day of your life for you know he can do anything impossible thing in your life.God Bless everyone .
loneliness as an option, a person in the crowd was able to feel lonely,
thanks to all the circumstances, it helps us to feel happy
It’s funny how God really truly is speaking to us at all time, but it’s up to us to slow down and silence ourselves long enough to listen to what he is saying. This was a masterfully written blog post and you should be proud for taking the steps you did even if it made you feel uncomfortable, because in doing so, you blessed a community of others with similar struggles.
Amen, single sisters!
‘Your pain is Your PURPOSE’ wow.. That has given me soo much to think about and pray about… One needs to TRUST God in the midst of it all because he truly doesn’t waste an experience.. Thank you Mandy.. God Bless you
Thank you Mandy for such a wonderful response. To add on what you just said, my pastor always say our challenges are not there to destroy us but they are there to bring us closer to God, to preserve us, to strengthen our desire for God. He always say who knows what would have happened if your prayer was answered? Maybe that blessing would have taken you away from God, maybe that huband you’ve been praying for would have abused you and even killed you if God had answered your prayer of getting married. Therefore even if we face challenges let us say “I know where I belong (just like Joseph) and this challenge is temporary, I will soon reach my destiny”
I’ve been going through so much heartache and almost each relationship I’ve been in ends badly or something hinders us from goung forward such as distance or something. It hurts so much and I’m tired of always living a painful life. I cannot remember the last time I was ever okay or not broken. Each male that comes into my life either comes for a temporary amount of time or just wants to use me and I always give the benefit of the doubt but that always ends up with me being heart broken and I’m a strong person…I thought I was at least but this time I’m shattered and I don’t know what to do or how to move forward and I’ve cried out to god so many times to take the pain away because I feel like he can’t hear me. I feel worthless and like I don’t deserve to be happy and I feel like I should never love anyone or lust anyone the way I did because I always end up hurt. I want to be selfish with myself and what makes it worse is I cannot forgive myself and I don’t think I ever will. What do I do? I have been trying to reach out to you mandy for a website that will allow me to eead your book.
i absolutely love this blog. this is my first time posting a comment and to read this particular posting. i love how your reply speaks to my very soul. I have been single since I can remember. I thought I would find someone by the time I was 25 but God has different plans for me. Its hard seeing most of my friends getting married and having kids of their own. Everytime I talked to my relatives or friends the first question is “do you have a boyfriend?”. Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”. We just need to trust that God has always something bigger, better and greater than we can imagine.
Hello Mandy… that was a great answer … I’m jealous … I’m a 49 year old woman and also have had panic attacks and anxiety.. right now it’s being controlled by prescription drugs . I don’t like taking pills but now i’m afraid if i stop, it will
start back up again… I have a very very low self esteem, and when I said i was jealous it’s because when I’m found in a moment where I can give an advise or I am asked, my mind goes blank and nothing comes out… then I see younger people like yourself giving such great advise… I wish i could… but anyways…. that was very touching and it spoke to me also. Thank You Mandy 🙂
[…] bloggers and one of my favorites is Mandy over at The Single Woman and this week she talked about where we find God in the middle of our struggles. Because the reality is that we will all have struggles but how we respond is our choice! A […]
The answer gives me light through my days after i read this. Thank you for sharing this post! 🙂
Mandy, God has given you the gift of being able to express yourself in the most relatable way! I love everything you have to say and I know tons of other women have been touched by your words. When I myself, discovered your work, my life changed for the better. Ive been a single woman for almost five years and I am now completely fine with being my happy self. Though I have not given up hope on having a relationship in the future, the thought of not having, or thoughts of the reasons why I don’t have , a significant other no longer consume my every thought and take away every source of my happiness !!! Every person on this world is faced with some kind of hardship. The Devil is pleased when we feel defeated by our hardships, but when we overcome and turn something positive from the negative situations in our lives, we defeat his motives!!! Stay strong ladies!! <3 Thank you so much Mandy!!!
I thus far am the oldest on here, never married, no children and would like to talk more with those in my same situation. I’m 72 and while I’ve had relationships, even backed out of a wedding, I look back over my life and wish I had lived more consciously, with more courage. Only recently have I learned to love myself. I wonder if I turned to school or work to avoid really facing life. Having said this I could still be out there, I believe there are good men and I believe I’m more able to have a healthy relationship than ever. I just am not doing anything about it. When I was praying today, it hit me that I am responsible for my attitude and much of the anxiety left. My plan is to pray and meditate more and be open to romantic possibilities. When I was 35 btw, I was in a relationship with the love of my life, who I figured would be my husband. We broke up and when he came back a year later to ask me to marry him, I broke the date out of fear (found out years later this is what his plans were). Maybe I’ve been looking, waiting, measuring all other relationships by how wonderful that one was. This is what I mean by wishing I had lived more consciously. So, I am now and so thankful to have found this blog. Will the older ladies on here respond please. Truly at 35 and 40 I was still in lala land, not realizing I would wish I had made different choices – even single adoption at that age would have at least given me a child. My sister was given good advice, watch out or you’ll miss the whole thing. So she did have a baby with her significant other. I wish I had that realization then. At any rate, the idea is to keep moving forward and not wallow in the past, meaning at least (for me), post my profile online and get going. Thank you for the opportunity to express myself.
Thank you. God spoke to me through you and explained a lot. I appreciate this post. It will definitely help a lot of people going through similar things and feelings.
Wow! I am in tears! I have been through the struggle, the loneliness, the depression, the horrible anxiety attacks, OCD and asked God why? Why me? When I finally realized I could use it to inspire people, everything changed. He is using my story and my understanding of how people hurt and feel to help others. I fought the battle and won! Some day the anxiety does creep up, but I tell God to help me. He always helps me and calms me. I am never alone! I am 27 and single, been that way for 5 years now. I have been building myself and loving myself ever since then. I know I have made a difference in others, they tell me how much they love me. You are so real and nonjudgmental and you care for people. When people ask me what I want to do as a career, I tell them I want to make a difference. I want to inspire others. That is exactly what I plan on doing!
What about many of us Good men out there today that are still Single, and are having a very difficult time meeting a Good woman to settle down with, and have No luck at all. It is very sad for us since it is very hard today for both men and women looking to find love with one another unlike years ago when it was much Easier, and many of us are certainly Not single by choice either.
Anxiety can be hell. Some only familiar with mild episodes and think that’s as bad as it can get. Where when your chest feels weak, it feels hard to breathe, having heart palpitations, other types, shallow breathing, sweating. Feeling doom is near. It is no fun! Worse, when others never know or trivialize such. That actually cuts.
There’s medicine for it that can help.
As I’ve had bouts where I can’t stand it. Before I had meds, an attack would occur where a couple of times I took about 1/2 cup shots of vodka. It worked, but it isn’t a suitable treatment or cure.
I found GABA, a game butri….. something, at the health store helps. Which I haven’t used in awhile. There’s also kava kava also called awa. You might need to try different providers as some well some that doesn’t do anything, but others sell a quality product. Ebay, some health food stores.
But there’s meds too.
Where I have many causes. It makes it even worse when there’s a jackass or a jackass to sends another jackass to act like a jackass.
Feelings of alienation, abandonment, things going on and not knowing what, past death threats but not knowing the source, others creating and concocting efforts to get me in trouble, others acting like someone else I don’t know, it messed with a persons’ mind. Being cut off from all things familiar. It being apparent there’s another, other and not knowing who that’s always on my case, others trying to instigate problems, others pointing to me to justify themselves; which it’d be so nice if I could transfer all these feelings into them so they really could be justified by me!
But oatmeal can help. There’s an extract called by its’ Latin name. But a bowl of oatmeal can help itself. GABA from a health food store. Kava extract is sold, but you can order kava/awa from online. Then there’s meds.
But like feeling closed up. Being isolated and alone, where it’s be nice to have someone compatible who’d offer some comfort, just where they might care. LOL, some only want someone when they can get something. Or like as it turns dark. After it’s night, I can deal with it. May still have anxiety, but something about the light getting dark.
Then there’s the aura of others. Some, it feels comfortable around. Then others where it’s like they’re up to something cause unease.
As there’s some that may not be socially really accepted, but like others who knows how it is to suffers, there’s some feeling of comfort. Maybe because there know how it feels to suffer. Then it’s like there’s others who have motives, everything’s funny where they like acting like jackasses solely for my benefit-meaning in or around my presense, typical types with chips on their shoulder thinking they know something. Hmmmm, if they fell in a toilet, I’d flush it and never look back.
Also be in plain view has its’affect too. Guess maybe because of some who have had had intentions in contrast to others of good intent, which gives me the creeps.
Like horror movies, they don’t phase me, where I don’t see anything scary.
Which not being where you belong can affect the aura felt.
But thank God for others that have feelings for others and have mercy.
Also, if you can get out near the water eitheir alone, where it’s wide open space and something about the water, even better is when others who’re friendly might come along. Then again, there’s jackasses too who I want to know attitude is quite presumptuous, where who needs salt rubbed in a wound?
Then being alone, isolated doesn’t feel good and contributes, but it’s better than bad company that act like jackasses.
If you can identify triggers, sight, sound,settings, events or the lack of absence of might help.
Figured I’d run this by you.
God is very evil the way i look at it since he always punishes many of us very good innocent people for no reason at all, especially when it comes to finding real love since many of us Aren’t Single By Choice.