Day 5: The Biggest Misconception You Think People Have About Single Life
The biggest misconception you think people have about single life.
There are lots of misconceptions I think people have about single life, so I’m honestly not even sure where to begin here. I could probably rant on and on about this topic for hours! I think I’ll start by discussing some of the rude, crude, and extremely disrespectful tweets I occasionally receive from men who seem baffled by the sight of single women CELEBRATING their lives. Apparently my message really offends some men out there who think a single woman’s place is to be seen and not heard, or to curl up in the fetal position and rock back and forth in the corner rather than live our lives to the fullest; all because we happen to be unmarried.
Just last night I received a series of horrible tweets from a man (excuse me…boy) who doesn’t even follow me on Twitter but apparently saw one of my tweets get retweeted into his timeline. He responded with “#LonelyTweet.” The tweet in reference was a quote from Sex & the City, saying something along the lines of “We’re single because we want to be.” And to Rude Twitter Boy, this came across as “lonely.” So the #1 misconception I think some people, in particularly some men, seem to have about single women is that we’re all lonely and desperate. I guess in Rude Twitter Boy’s mind, he couldn’t fathom that perhaps…just perhaps…some women really do choose to be single rather than having singleness thrust upon us like a communicable disease or a horrible punishment. We went back and forth couple of times, and he accused me of being a “parody account,” (again, apparently he couldn’t grasp that I might actually BE celebrating and enjoying single life, rather than poking fun of someone enjoying and celebrating single life in a parody sort of way) leaving me just flummoxed at how ugly and mean-spirited he got with a woman he didn’t even know…and for what? Because I choose to view my singleness as a positive and I encourage other women to do the same? Why do some people seem to feel the need to put us singles “in our place” if we happen to exude happiness and joy and independence rather than sitting around whining about not being in a relationship (like they would apparently have us do)? It’s like the world seeks to constantly remind us, lest we get too happy on our own, that our lives aren’t REALLY happy, because how could they be if we don’t have a boyfriend or husband? I think this is an attitude more than a misconception…but for some strange reason, some men and people in relationships seem to be really offended at the sight of a happy single woman. It honestly drives me crazy. I simply don’t understand it. After all, haven’t we singles celebrated and supported our married friends through countless parades of wedding showers and engagement parties and birth announcements and baby showers? Couldn’t we practically own stock in Target from the sheer number of gifts we’ve bought our married friends over the years? Is it too much to ask then that they, in turn, allow us to have our happiness parade without coming along and finding ways to rain on it? And as for Rude Twitter Boy…wonder if it has ever occurred to him that the very reason there are so many single women on the planet is because we would rather spend our lives alone than with someone like him?!? (That’s a hashtag-just-sayin’ moment if I ever saw one! HA!)
The second half of my rant is about people who seem to think that if you are single past a certain age, there must be something tragically wrong with you. Like the lady who wrote a book a few years ago (more so to get attention and put herself on the radar, I suspect, than to actually speak LIFE into single women’s hearts) stating that some women aren’t married yet because they’re quote “angry sluts.” She also had a litany of other bogus reasons she fired off in her book, all seemingly designed to make single women feel smaller and to play the shame and blame games with themselves, wondering what horrible character flaw they must have to have not found someone to marry them yet. Why do we have to put single women through this? Who is this helping? Why does it have to mean something is wrong with us because we happen to be unmarried? Couldn’t it just be the way the cookie crumbled? I mean, crazed murderer Joran van der Sloot found some clueless girl to marry him as he sits rotting in a jail cell…by that logic, does that mean there’s something RIGHT with him and that that same “rightness” has somehow managed to escape me because I happen to be single? Lord help me, if that’s the case! (Lord help us ALL, if that’s the case.)
When you get right down to the heart of the matter, we’re all tragically flawed in our own unique ways, married and single people alike…so to take a single woman and have her turn inward on herself and question her very worth and value and character just because she happens to be a single woman is wrong, and damaging, and unfair. I would like to suggest that maybe we all just back up off the rhetoric a little and let single people be. Let married people be. Let us all be free in our own unique experience of “Life, Love, & the Pursuit of Happiness,” whatever that happens to look like for each of us. Maybe for you it’s 2.5 kids and a picket fence. Maybe for me it’s a 2.5 pound kitten named Prince Hairy and a loft apartment. And that doesn’t make you better or me worse, or you wrong and me right. It just makes us DIFFERENT.
I say let’s give each other the freedom to be DIFFERENT. It’s time. Things have changed. Families look different. Happiness looks different. The era has passed when Barbie needed Ken to buy her dream house or even build her dream house. Shouldn’t we step outta the way and give her the freedom to build her dream LIFE, and only then decide if she wants to invite Ken to join her in it?
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I agree! The number one misconception I think people take when you get to my age (just turned 40) is that something must be seriously wrong with me! For years, I tried to fit into what was expected of me – by society, the church, the normal from friends/families – but it didn’t work out for their expectation – that I marry, have kids or the white picket fence. But there’s nothing wrong with me – I have a stable career (same company for 13 years) I’ve had the most amazing opportunity to travel to 43 states, I’ve lived in 6 states since leaving home, a BS & MA (debt free w/no student loans) I’ve had experiences that I KNOW I would never have experienced had I been married. Although marriage & kids is a dream of mine, I believe that God allowed me, despite all my multitude of crying out to him & beggings, to experience that season that many will never experience. But there’s nothing wrong with me just because I’m not living “what is expected of me by the society/people”.
Misconception. I would say that because we are single people think that we dont have a life because we dont have kids and a husband .. well my life is completely full and i have things that have filled my life that make me completely happy and lots of it does keep me really busy .. i am definitely a busy bee 🙂
Misconception. That when you stay home alone your depressed..but little do they know your living it…Single and happy…
Misconception is that people tend to think that because your single, you go out every weekend to the bar or club and drink your nights away. Little do they know, that you’ve never been like that and you prefer to stay at home and relax, curled up with a book or a movie.
I would have to say the biggest misconception that people have about single life is that its lonely and depressing all the time. Now dont get me wrong there are days when i just want to be hugged up, but thats not every day. I think most people dont realize is when your single and alone that is the time when you get to know yourself better an it is a time when you can improve and work on yourself. Single people like myself still go out and enjoy life, its not that depressing.. Im living..lol
I agree 100%. LOVE this!!!!
Misconception is when you are so busy living a confident single life that those around you assume you’re taken… I also love when my weekly schedule is so booked up with events that my married friends live “vicariously through me” and each day at work my colleagues ask what fabulous restaurant my left overs came from! Misconception is also when people assume you need a significant other to throw your 30th Birthday….I threw one for myself…Fabulous Flirty & 30 and it was amazing!
I think the biggest misconception is that they think you are single because you are “TOO COMPLICATED” when sometimes it is actually the opposite, you decide to be single or to wait to feel comfortable with someone someday instead of making your life a hell by being with someone who does not value, respect you or treat you as the real queen we all are.
day 5. I agree completely!
One misconception that sticks out to me is people thinking that because you are single, your feelings or opinion towards Love and relationships are not valid. WHAT? I do not understand what one thing has to do with the other. My friends jokingly call me the “Love Doctor” because I am the one they call at 4am to “fix” their relationships or just to hear things from my objective prospective. Soon after, they come back thanking and praising me for my wisdom and feedback. Yes, I am single but it does not take away my ability to observe, think or feel. DUH.
Misconception: that you have no opinion on marriage or how to take care of kids.
the misconception of people is that when you’re single you tend to think always about men even when you’re not. Sometimes Single women are just enjoying their solitude and peace of mind. It is much better to be single and alone rather having headaches.
Total misconception. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gently corrected (well maybe not always gently) people, “Has it ever dawned on you that I’m single because I CHOOSE to be? ” *gasp* I know! I’m a 40 year old, divorced, single mom. There aren’t many stereotypes I haven’t heard by now. All things happen in God’s time, not mine or society’s. When God says I’m ready, guess what? Then I’ll be ready.
Nicky, thank you! I am 46, divorced- single mom. After 23 years of marriage being single was a struggle at first. People do assume there is something flawed in me that I am alone. But when i look at my kids, and the life we have built, I am proud and happy with my life!
The biggest misconception my friends have about me being the only single one is that I’m lonely. They always ask “aren’t you lonely”.. .. “you’re 25 and still single?”.. Yes, I am. I’m building my own life before I build a life with someone else. geez. get over it!
Loneliness happens in marriage too and I think people just don’t want to admit it. Being alone and being lonely is two different things. I am married. I did not get married until age 41 because I too chose to wait. All of my friends were like, ” you need to get married, it must be SO lonely for you. That was the furtherest thing from the truth. Yes, I had my bad days, but doesn’t everyone? I have found over the years, you can be really lonely with a family. When you are married, you just don’t have alor of me time, but even in the mist of all the chaos that life can be, loneliness can hit hard. Even when you have a great marriage it still can rear its ugly head. Being single or marriage is great! What ever season God has you in, he know what is best for each one of us!! God bless you Kailie. Let your heart lead you, not what others want. My husband says it’s really a matter of people have secret envy of others, what ever their situation is. He also thinks that the loudest people who push marriage on singles is a “misery loves conpany” kind of thing. I think he is right about that because I have noticed that kind of thing with my married friends whose marriges are not that good. Don’t let others influence you. Know you are where God wants you in this season!
That’s true. Thank you Mandy because you’re the woman who represents us, single woman! 🙂
I think the biggest misconception about being single, is that people assume being single is ” easier” than being married, involved, etc. while there ARE a lot of good things about being single, I certainly don’t find it easier…
The biggest misconception is that it’s “all about me” when actually I spend a lot of time celebrating married people. No one celebrates my life.
Day 5!! http://leftbean.com/2013/10/08/the-single-womans-30-day-blogging-challenge-day-5/
Yeah! I even got a “oh that is so sad you don’t have a boyfriend! I’ll pray for you” and I am super offended. No way….. how is it even sad? Pray for what? Pray for me to be rich, i rather. lol
I am enjoying MY life, doing whatever I want anytime without a care. How is it not fabulous? 😉
Biggest Misconception: We are lonely and in need of a *hook-up*
SO SO true! Why do people (usually guys) think that is what we need to get rid of our loneliness!? Like some casual sex is going to make us feel BETTER?? sheesh!
Misconception: You’re standards are too high and you’re high maintenance.
The misconception is that single people are selfish and self-centred because we put ourselves first in everything. Well if I don’t think about my needs first, who will? Thank you Mandy for ranting for all us…I had no idea this was universal I thought these misconceptions were in my country because people are soooo into in “our culture we do things this way”.
I completely agree with this blog!! My brother got married a year ago and that was the WORST summer ever for me. I’ve never heard so many backhanded insults in my life (much less fielded all of them myself.) One woman at a shower (that I cut my beach vacation short to attend) actually argued with me that I “owed” my family a son in law, brother in law, and children and that I wasn’t getting any younger. I don’t know why people can’t just let us be happy with the lives we are living. Being single is our choice not some affliction that we can’t get rid of.
The biggest misconception I think, is that single girls(like me) are too picky when it comes to guys. Well yes I am picky, but NOT in the way people tend to see picky. They see it as me that won’t go for a guy who isn’t HOT or who isn’t “perfect”.. That is nonsense. I am picky yes, I another way though. I have standards and values, certain things that needs so be in place in terms of a guy, before I will date him. But this is not physical/to do with looks. This is about the type of person he should be. He should share my values and in my opinion also my religion. I am not going to settle for someone who isn’t “clearly” the One for me. And I think we will all know the right one when we meet him. God will choose him! If ur not a Christian, then, still, u’ll know when u meet him. You will feel it!
I really felt for this article. Gawd. I’m almost at the very spot wherein I almost feel that there is something wrong with me. I’ve been single for what feels like decades (even though its not). I had felt that there could be something wrong with me simply because I cannot make my relationships last. I always end up black and blue and broken hearted. Right now, I’m working on how to celebrate my “singlehood” while faithfully waiting and praying for the one for me. 🙂
One of the biggest misconceptions is that we single ladies need saving. I just recently got out of a relationship because he couldn’t accept me for the way I was and he threatened that if I don’t change he would leave me. So I decided to be true to myself and be me! Sometimes men think we will stay because we are afraid of being alone and that they are doing us a favour by being there. Well I’m not afraid of being single. I actually prefered it over being stuck in that relationship. Thanks Mandy:) #proudlysingle
biggest misconception is that something is wrong with me. When it turns to find out, often times, those people are jealous. jealous that they never embraced being single, and most of these people who try to get me to find a boyfriend are so unhappy in their relationships because they go from relationship to relationship. And something isn’t wrong with them? always NEEDING to have a boyfriend? I’d rather be alone than unhappy. Just started my own blog. It will get more interesting I promise lol http://www.singleforthefirsttime.wordpress.com
I agree wholeheartedly!! I am happily single after a 31 year (mostly unhappy) relationship. I have friends trying to match me up. I pretty much daily have someone asking me if I am seeing someone. I constantly tell them I am just fine on my own. No one to answer to, no meals to cook if I so choose, can stay in bed all day reading if I like or dance in the kitchen.
People have even said – you walked away from that brand new beautiful house? Like a beautiful house is more important than happiness!
I am sure too that some think there is something wrong with me – I mean, after all, choosing to be single at 54? Who ever heard of such a thing?
I absolutely LOVE this!
I cannot even express how grateful I am to you, Mandy! “to take a single woman and have her turn inward on herself and question her very worth and value and character just because she happens to be a single woman is wrong, and damaging, and unfair” – you wrote about somebody else doing this to us, but I, myself, do this to me! I admire you for being strong, and maybe one day I can become like you. But right now, I do really feel that something is wrong with me – whatever it is that might be wrong (my choices, or my character – I don’t know)… I read each and every your blog post, they help me make through the day, and maybe be a little easier on myself.
Is that as I heal from my hurt, I will just naturally turn to the dating scene. I’m pretty over what happened. Not over the stupid unnecessaryness of it, but done. I don’t want him back and I do want to develop me, whatever that means. About the only thing I know it means is that the yoke of relationship has lifted. I didn’t realize the yolk until it was gone. I feel free and open to new things. Maybe there is a guy lurking out there who matches 100% of what I wanted out of a relationship but I’m not interested.
It’s funny that reading over some of the other blogs that are also taking on the 30 day challenge that we’ve experienced many of the same misconceptions of singleness. Just another reminder that we’re not in this alone! Thank you, Mandy, for inspiring us all to delve deeper into what it means to be a single woman. Blogging for 30 days will be a challenge, but I’ve already seen my writing take on more life because it’s a topic that I feel strongly about. Check out my #TheSW30 posts here: http://www.breething.com/1/category/singleness/1.html
I’d say the biggest misconception people have of me being that I am single is that I am some what of a ‘whore’ or ‘slutty’. Just because I like to go out a lot and with different people at times I have no obligations tying me down that I can just come and go when I please they think that I mess around with all kinds of guys. When in fact its the exact opposite I don’t do all of those things because I just don’t think its worth it yes I go out yes I party sometimes but that’s just it I don’t go having 1 night stands every single weekend. But in the end I let them think what they want because I know what the truth is and while I’m loving the single life their at home hating theirs. Yikes…sorry.
You covered a lot of great misconceptions!!!!
My day 5: http://imwinningipromise.blogspot.com/2013/10/thesw30-biggest-misconception-you-think.html?m=0
Single, parent of teenager and very happy. Never married, have made all the choices for my daughter, who is intelligent, honor student with a future. Good life
letting it all out on my 5th day:
Hi Mandy and all of you, beautiful single ladies! I would like to share this article that I found pretty interesting and now I keep it to read it now then. Hopefully, it is helpful like it has been to me.
AMEN!!! So happy I found this blog!! Rock on girls!
I am single after being in 2 consecutive relationships for the last 8 years of my life – I was actually engaged to the latter for 2 years, both of these relationships ended with my significant other cheating on me and then dumping me for the other girl. My self-esteem was shot both times and now 1 year on I am still building it back up, I have no idea what I like to do as an individual not as part of a couple but refuse to get into another relationship until i figure out what
I want not what WE want – so far this has involved me moving to NYC for 4 months and working on film premieres and I am now working and travelling around Australia with new friends – my fiance hated to travel i’m thinking i dodged a bullet!! single is AWESOME
I love this! The biggest misconception I run into is that I am “too complicated” or that I am “too needy”, which I was told just recently. I am not a needy person, I just know what I want and I am not going to keep settling for men who think it is ok to waste two years of my life to cheat or decide they don’t want to settle down. I know what I want from a man, does that make me “needy’? Because I don’t want to settle, that makes me “needy”? It drives me absolutely insane!
Being single might not be an easy adjustment for me right now, but I am darn sure ready to move on with my life without a man holding me back.
I was reading online a man who stated that single people have no sense of responsibility. I e-mailed him back and kindly told him that I have taken care of 14 nephews and nieces and one great-nephew and niece. I’ve potty trained, baby sat, fed, put them to bed, helped them with homework, taken them to church, the playground, the store, and cared for them. And they WEREN’T my own children. I’ve also been asst. treasurer, treasurer, women’s and men’s ministry director, and vespers coordinator in church. People are going to judge and I have no control over their judgments, only my own. Such is life I guess.
For me, the biggest misconception is that it is sad life.
Here is my link to my blog:
So many misconceptions! Love the freedom adore my alone time and it’s a joy to sleep sprawled out on my bed alone!
I went to a very large Christian university in the South. After I graduated, I worked there for over a year. On more than 1 occasion a male coworker would make mention of my singleness (I was 25 and he was 21 with a very serious girlfriend). He would say things like, “You’re getting old, hurry up and get a ring” and “You should probably lower your standards and settle for that guy even if you’re not that into him.” I did end up talking to him about it, but wish I would have read this back then. You said it perfectly. “…to take a single woman and have her turn inward on herself and question her very worth and value and character just because she happens to be a single woman is wrong, and damaging, and unfair.” That was beautiful.
One of the things many people don’t seem to understand is that you can be happy or unhappy single or in a relationship. I have many friends in relationships who are extremely unhappy and I would never want to be in their shoes. It is when they confide their woes, that I am relieved to be able to choose who to be with. Because we have that choice! Married people do not. Although I believe being in a good relationship is the ideal, I also believe that when we are alone is when we grow the most. Freedom and indepence is what we have as single women. Every part of life, whether single or married, has its good and its bad aspects.
I think one of the biggest misconceptions is that if your single, you sleep around a lot or you are really easy to get in bed. or that you are single because you are emotionally unstable and go all crazy on any man you meet. I remember the time before this that I found myself single again. I was driving to college and was thinking about the plans that I had for that weekend and realized that I had the freedom to do absolutely anything I wanted to and I had no one to answer too. I literally felt light as a feather in that moment. it was great. and now I’ve been single for about 3 years now and I’ve been living life to the fullest.
I just found your website today. I love this misconceptions that you posted. I’m divorced and have been single for almost 3 years. I’ve been one date and it did not go so well. Some do not understand why I’m still single and not dating. Its are to explain to others or for others to understand from both my Christian and non-Christian friends/family. I truly love being able to do what I want when I want with out having to explain why to anyone even thought I have not done much in these last few years. I’ve been told by many that I need to start dating again and get out there but to be honest people scare me and still learning to trust again. I have things I need to fix in my life before I can truly let a man back in my life. So no matter I will love life to the fullest on my terms and with God.
Thanks for reading!
Mini-rant on this one. 😉
My thoughts: http://wp.me/p4F1DQ-4T