We Are All…The Single Woman
The following is an excerpt from my book The Single Woman: Life, Love, & a Dash of Sass:
Instead of “single & fabulous,” the life of a single woman in her late 20’s and beyond is all too often labeled “single & desperate.” Instead of viewed as a choice, “single” seems to denote a lack of options. Everyone seems to want to meddle in the life of the woman who refuses to settle; setting her up on endless dates with guys she has no interest in, calling her “desperate” or “lonely” or “too picky,” or asking: “What’s wrong with her?” I would like to propose that the question we should be asking is: “What’s right with her?” The way I see it, the solitude and bravery and uncertain path of the modern-day single woman is something to be applauded as bold and courageous and unique and not lauded as sad or pathetic or weak. As single women, and especially for those of us in our late 20’s and beyond, we have racked up countless hours celebrating the choices of our married counterparts – helping them shop for wedding dresses, stepping into an endless stream of really bad bridesmaid’s dresses, and elbowing other women out of the way more times than we care to admit to try and catch that elusive bouquet; praying that maybe, just maybe, if we can reach out far enough, we might not just catch the bouquet, but also our own dreams of wearing that white dress to forever. Is it too much to ask, then, to expect society to celebrate US and our choices? To throw a festival of fabulousness in OUR honor, to cheer us single woman on for being courageous enough to search for ourselves instead of endlessly searching for a mate?
Love is a beautiful and wonderful and even sacred thing…but until it arrives, shouldn’t we give ourselves permission to THRIVE? The thing that the movies and greeting cards and your great-aunt Ida who shoots sympathetic looks your way and slips copies of “The Old Maid’s Survival Guide” to you at family gatherings fail to portray is an accurate picture of the life of The Single Woman. I don’t know about you, but I LIKE being able to spend money on myself without asking anyone’s permission. I LIKE to take myself out on a weekly date to the bookstore or the movies and spend time in my own company. I LIKE staying in my pajamas all day long and watching “Friends” reruns while eating a box of Oreos and not feeling guilty about it. I LIKE not having to shave my legs if I don’t want to and taking weekend trips on a whim and blasting girl power tunes while singing into the broom handle while I’m cleaning my house. I LIKE the freedom that comes with belonging to ME and only me, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others til death do us part. And while I’d love to eventually have someone join me on my journey, I refuse to stay grounded if they don’t. So I want to encourage you, my beautiful single ladies, to flip the script on your inner Single Woman and start to see yourselves for the truly brave, empowered, sassy women that you are. In the Single Woman Dictionary, RIP OUT the pages “Needy” & “Desperate,” because single women, WE ARE NEITHER.
You know what we are?
We are tough. We are bold. We are fierce. We are a force to be reckoned with. We face the world the single way every single day…and we don’t back down. We don’t let the idea of going to dinner alone intimidate us. We don’t let the threat of bumping into an ex stop us from going to the most fabulous party in town with our head held high. We walk a path that many women will never have to walk…a path that forces us to constantly step out of our comfort zones…a path that a majority of the women we grew up with and acted as bridesmaids for will never have to walk. The journey of a single woman is not an easy one, but we welcome the unknown. We embrace our freedom as the gift that it is…we pay our own way…we march to the beat of our own drum and we ask permission from no one to do so. There is a fire in the soul of a single woman that can never quite be tamed…an unwillingness to settle…an independence all our own, built from the knowledge that we can do absolutely anything without calling for backup and we can look fabulous doing it. There is a wisdom we possess that comes from surviving many a broken heart…a shine to us from learning how to make an entrance into a room accompanied by no one but me, myself and I…a confidence that comes from knowing we are not afraid to fall…because each time we fall, God presents us with another opportunity to get up and move up. We are strong. We are invincible. We are all…The Single Woman.
FOR ONE DAY ONLY! To celebrate the three-year anniversary of my book The Single Woman, I’m having a Virtual Book Signing! This Saturday, August 13th…no matter WHERE you live in the world…you can order a personally-signed copy of The Single Woman or any of my three books by calling Barnes & Noble at 615-377-9979 between the hours of 9am CST-10pm CST! They will ship anywhere in the world, so if my books have previously been unavailable to you, here’s your chance to order! I’ll be including a personal message from me in every book PLUS I’m throwing in a FREE “The Single Woman” t-shirt with every order while supplies last. So mark your calendars and spread the word!
This is AWESOME! So man women miss out … on their period of singleness … that will ultimately allow them to discover their uniqueness and divine purpose. The 10+ years some women spend alone to do countless things like change the world — they may never get back. It wasn’t until I realized and accepted that I have a purpose outside of a relationship that I could be fulfilling RIGHT NOW!!! And as you stated, if someone joins me on my journey great. If not, I still have to reach my destination! xoxo
This was an excellent blog read! I myself was married for all of my 20’s and looking back on it now, words cannot express everything that I learned during and after about myself, about what I want in a partner and what I WILL NOT ever accept again in this lifetime. I have no fear of most anything at this point in my life, things that I use to fear, I no longer do.
Looking back of where and who I am today, the people that could and did catch my attention then, could never catch it today with who I am. Thank you for your words of encouragement and humorious tweets!
It’s official! I love The Single Woman. Hell, I am the Single woman. It’s not easy but this is my life now and it’s crazy fabulous!!!!
I love love this book!! Thank you…I could not put it down. I now see myself in a new light. Thank you!
Great book! Great articles! I am the single woman, and I’m proud of it! 🙂
Awesomeness!!! I’m single due to a divorce and I’ve dated since then also. I’ve also had tons of people trying to set me up. Lol I want people to know I’m ok single and they should be too. I want God’s best for me. Thanks for your ministry!
THAT’S SO REAL AND TRUE , GOD IS A KEEPER AND SUSTIANER OF OUR SOUL, HE IS ALL I HAVE TO HOLD ON TO BESIDES MY KIDS……AND NOTHING CAN REPLACE THAT.IM CONTENT, BY GOD’S GRACE WITH THE WAIT.
This is really awesome and inspiring. I’m a single woman and I have accomplished a lot being single. Most of all, I continue to discover new things about myself and build myself spiritually. I’m happy there are other women like myself who aren’t afraid of being single and who have their own dreams. Thank u for this!
Thanks I love this book. We Are All….
It’s so sad that most women don’t get to enjoy their single status before getting hitched to someone. This is the ‘freedom period’. As for me,I’m rocking single and enjoying it while it lasts.
I love this!
Definition of the “Single Woman” …. not settling for second best!
I am in my early 20’s, my now ex boyfriend broke up with me two weeks back. Yes I still love him and I am not over him yet but for this two weeks I allowed my self to be single and fabulous, its like I was held back by him you know. I do not know what the future holds and it is scary but right now, in this moment, finding the real me and what makes me happy is just too AWESOME!!!
Thank you for your inspiring words Mandy! You are a heaven sent to us, “single ladies”. I’m not ashamed being single even at my age,it’s my choice..but sometimes,when people are mocking at you,laughing at your singleness expense,it’s hard..I’m happy to know that there are other girls like me and you who shared the same philosophy about this thing.So to other single ladies out there,you are not alone..Yes, I am single and beautiful.My husband has not find me yet,,but soon in God’s will,we will meet each other 🙂
I loved this article. Everything you wrote is very true. Glad someone can put down in writing what I’ve been telling everyone around me for a while. Great job. Going to look into that book. 🙂
I’m a strong woman so I can admit that made me cry. It so perfectly & accurately describes the pain and pleasure of being a single woman. Thank you for helping single women feel proud of their choice not to settle with a turkey but rather to soar like an eagle! 🙂
Wow, am strengthen each day by ur words Mandy. But how do i get ur book in Nigeria
I needed to read this! I was terrified of running into an ex the other night, but went out anyway! He was not there, but just being able to say “forget him” and knowing that no matter what I am better off as a strong, independent, single woman!
AS WELL THANK YOU,I’VE NEVER BEEN SINGLE, BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD I HAVE SURVIVED LOL. I NEEDED TO READ THIS BECAUSE WE ALL PERISH FOR A LACK OF KNOWLEDGE. IM NOT MISERABLE THANK GOD, SOME OF FEEL LIKE WE CANT MAKE IT,BUT ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENTHENS YOU, BY HIS GRACE YOU CAN HANG LIL AND SURVIVE…HE DID IT FOR ME HE WILL DO IT FOR YOU. :)) PRAYER WORKS IF YOU STRUGGLING!!!!
what I just read made me feel, I feel better, stronger. I have no more worries. thank you
Mandy….WOW!! I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason. This morning a good friend/co-worker of mine wanted my help. She is going to through herself a big 50th birthday bash in December and she wanted my help in planning it. She wants the theme to be dancing and celebrating her life (she, too, is single as am I)….and we both try to celebrate being single. There are days when there is that frustration of not having a man in your life…..so after 10 years of being single, I am now creative and alive again. I burned my wedding photos and my wedding dress a couple months ago (finally) and have lots of great coaches helping me (I’m a member of Marie Forleo’s B-School) and have taken some action to building my web business (in addition to a full-time job)….I am pursuing my passion of web work (I’m a geek and have been for almost 20 years). I was just grousing to myself the other day that it would be so nice to meet someone, and there are perks to being single. Anyway….my g/f asked me to find a quote about dancing and I found one that you are attributed with…and it’s perfect for her 50th birthday party celebration. I just read some of your book on Amazon and you really rock. Thank YOU so much. I am putting this on my list of must reads!! I so love synchronicities.
This is so encouraging. I’m in my earliar 23. But been in relationships most of my life. So I alomst feel beyond my years. Only over these last few months, have I decided to find myself and wait on God. It’s a scary yet beautiful thing. I get so encouraged when I read what these lovely ladies have been through. I truly believe that WE are God’s bride. He is so crazy inlove with us! And wants us to romance him as we would a man. Can’t wait to get your book! Thanks <3
I just wrote a post but it got lost so here it goes again………As of five minutes ago I’m now fifty. Have been depressed and sad about it. I live life looking in from the outside. Reason being I’m beyond unhappily married and we have lived seperate livez for about ten yrs. Divorce isn’t an option ( trust me , its a very important reason) I haven’t had adult relations in all that time. He forbids me to have friends and the mental abuse is literally killing me. Enough about him except he charms people so no one knows how he is except my kids. …22 , 18 and my son is 14. Getting back to my birthday, I see people having parties and fun nights out. Nothing I have ever been to. My dear precious mom lives in heaven now and I sooo miss her. What/how do I do to have a touch of just holding a kind mans hand or possibly lunch? Am I a brat feeling alone or not dare say special on this bd? I’m a cancer patient but that’s another story. I keep myself looking my best and people say I’m beautiful….probably just being nice. What do I do please because I realky feel like giving up . I’m buying yoyr book in the morning as a bd gift to myself….yay!!! Thankyou so much,
Kimberly, speaking from experience, life is too short for you to live like this. I was in a miserable marriage that died long before I divorced. I stayed for my kids…one of them ended up getting hurt by my ex physically because of his temper. That was the straw that propelled me to follow thru and DIVORCE. It was not easy then, it still is not easy today. But I am rebuilding my life and never regret having DIVORCED. Even if you don’t divorce, you must take care of YOU, find supportive friends, female and male. I stayed in abusive relationships way too long. Abuse comes in many forms, not just physical: emotional, financial, mental, unfaithfulness, verbal, psychological. It’s difficult to begin the healing process, if even possible, while staying in the situation as the behavior continues. It’s called a vicious cycle. It’s like being in a dark pit and unable to get out, trapped. There is always a way out, and I had to forge through the fear of the unknown to get to the other side. I’m still on that journey to the other side. When I turned 50 a couple months ago, I embraced it, decided it’s all downhill from here on out, meaning I’m not struggling climbing that mountain uphill. It’s time life became “easier” instead of harder. That doesn’t mean a perfect life, just in how I handle it, my attitude. You said yourself “he forbids you to have friends and the mental abuse is literally killing me.” I challenge you, if you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your kids. What kind of an example am I setting for my kids, I asked myself. What kind of message am I sending them? I had to stand up for not only myself, but my children needed rescued as well. From one mother to another, I would do for my kids what I could not do for myself. If it’s not good and healthy and happy for you, nor is it for your children. You are far from a brat for your feelings! I commend you as well in your battle with cancer. I wish you victory over that and every area of your life! I internalized the failed marriage, lost my self-esteem and womanhood, felt ugly, turned into a B@#$%. I hated myself for staying. The first step I took in healing and loving myself was removing the man who was like a cancer to me. Fight him as you’ve fought against the cancer! Don’t let one man destroy your beautiful self, please…
So glad I found this! Online support group for single women…thx, God, right on time!
It took a long time for me to wrap my head around single being fabulous………….but, IT SURE IS!!!!!!!
I ordered your first book last night because I wanted to read it before ordering your new one and literally felt like I was having a panic attack when I read this excerpt; I was reading out loud things that I’ve thought about myself but never was brave enough to acknowledge. Your words took that mask right off and continued my process of letting go of my control freak tendencies (Jesus please help me get my grip off the wheel), love me, embrace me and be me without any apologies or fears of who won’t accept it. I boo hoo cried during the forward and introduction. I don’t cry lol. God bless you and continue being obedient to what He’s called you to do. You’re impacting lives and reminding us who and Whose we are. Thank you for that!
I’m alone and have been all of my life, even when I was in a dysfunctional relationship. There is not much good about watching everyone live while I am on my own, lost and forgotten by everyone and God himself. I don’t celebrate being single, and don’t take satisfaction living in a fools paradise.