Dash of Sass: Better to Drop HIM Than to Drop Your Standards to Be With Him
Question of the Day:
I just started talking to a new guy. I told him up front I was celibate. He said it was fine. Well, today he asked for nudie pics. I was like wow!! I told him no but now I’m not sure if he’s gonna stick around. Help! What should I do?
Girl, there are so many things wrong with this, I don’t even know where to begin! Actually, let’s start with what’s RIGHT about it: You making your boundaries clear up front. Kudos to you for being clear about what you are about and not pulling any punches. A lot of people would have been too shy or embarrassed or nervous to be 100% honest from the start of the relationship and let it be known where the relationship would and would not be going. Be proud of yourself for having a plan for yourself and your relationships and sticking to it!
Now. As for the rest of the story. Here’s what I have to shout from the rooftops:
DROP THIS LOSER. NOW! Don’t wait five more minutes or second guess it or allow fear of being alone cause you to hesitate. Call him or email him or go knock on his door and tell him in no uncertain terms that you will not be seeing him again. What bothers me the most about your email is you phrase it: “I’m not sure if he’s gonna stick around.” If he’s going to stick around. HE. HIM. The creep who just blew right past your boundaries and very disrespectfully asked you to send him naked pictures of yourself. Naked pictures of a body that you obviously respect enough to not engage in intimacy outside of marriage. Naked pictures that he will likely circulate to his friends and brag about how awesome he is that he got the girl with boundaries to drop her clothes faster than she dropped her boundaries. Girl, NO. No no NO! Stop giving him the power to “stick around” or NOT “stick around”! He doesn’t even deserve the OPTION to stick around! WHY?
Because a man who doesn’t respect your boundaries does not respect you. Bottom line. Period. End of sentence. Because if he’s asking for naked pictures today, tomorrow he’ll be asking for sex. Because a man who even ASKS for naked pictures, especially this early in a relationship, isn’t looking for love. He’s looking to satisfy lust. And that is NOT okay. You are not his personal pin-up girl. You are not a lewd fantasy or a cheap thrill. You are a beautiful, precious child of God who deserves someone who respects you too much to ever push or blatantly ignore your boundaries. Please, please love yourself TOO much to keep someone like this in your life. This guy isn’t looking for your heart. He’s looking for a warm body. And the good news is this: He showed his true colors really, really early. And that means you can walk away now before you get your feelings any more involved.
Call me old-fashioned, but if you’re a week or two in, I think this man should be still working up the nerve to hold your hand. He hasn’t earned anything more than that. And he certainly hasn’t earned the right to ask you to remove your clothes for him. The only thing this man has EARNED is removal from your life faster than the clothes he is asking you to drop.