The Single Woman’s Dash of Sass: Why “He’s Just Not That Into You” Lets Men Off the Hook Too Easily…

Quote of the Day:

“If the guy you’re dating doesn’t seem to be completely into you, or you feel the need to start ‘figuring him out,’ please consider the glorious thought that he might just not be that into you. And then free yourself to go find someone that is.” ~Greg Behrendt

The Single Woman Says:

We are the “He’s Just Not That Into You” generation. We’ve heard it, we’re read it, we’ve lived it. Most of us even own the movie. So the whole concept is not new to us. We get it. We’re on board. We can’t argue with Greg Behrendt’s hard-hitting logic. It just makes good sense.

But lately I’ve been thinking about the fact that although this logic stands true and cannot be denied, it seems like the whole theory and idea of “He’s Just Not That Into You” lets the guy off pretty easy. As ladies, we are the ones who are required to “assume rejection first” and allow the man to slither off unnoticed and unharmed while we struggle with the pain and confusion of the rejection. All the while, they are off the hook and unscathed while we beat our heads up against the wall and ask ourselves “What did I do WRONG to make him ‘just not that into me’?” It just doesn’t seem fair. Don’t we deserve an explanation? Isn’t saying “men hate confrontation and will go to any length to avoid it, so just accept the unspoken fact that he’s just not that into you and let him go about his day?” accepting full responsibility FOR the man instead of asking him to step up and explain himself? I feel like that’s one of the major problems between men and women today – we don’t call them to a higher standard, so they don’t RISE to a higher standard. It’s easy to chalk his shady behavior up to “Oh, he just wasn’t feeling me” and never text or call or communicate with him ever again…but when we do that, aren’t we saying it’s okay for a man to just disappear off the face of the earth? Aren’t we giving them permission to hurt us and confuse us and walk away from us without explanation? Don’t we DESERVE an explanation?!?

I say we do. I say it’s time to stop letting men off the hook. I think as women, we are so terrified to be dubbed “psycho” or “crazy” that we often don’t ask for the respect that we deserve. It’s not crazy to ask a man to explain himself. It’s not crazy to have a certain level of expectation that a man who once seemed to care about you will at least tell you WHY he’s running for the hills before he puts on his running shoes. And it can even help you in future relationships, to know what went wrong in THIS one. Maybe it’s something you can work on. Or maybe it’s nothing about you at all. But either way, you deserve clarity, and you deserve closure, so don’t be afraid to ask for it. Remember: If they treat you like a game, it’s up to YOU to show them how it’s played.


3 Responses to “ The Single Woman’s Dash of Sass: Why “He’s Just Not That Into You” Lets Men Off the Hook Too Easily… ”

  1. Jill
    November 16, 2013

    I’m so glad I pinned one of your quotes on Pinterest because it led me here and then to purchasing your book. Yes, we women deserve to know why they left. After a great weekend and pleasant goodbye to just quit responding to texts without giving a reason why is painful. It leaves one wondering what did I do, could I have done something different?!? It’s even more painful when you try to get answers from them and they still totally ignore you.

  2. Jacqueline
    November 17, 2013

    WOW! I’m so happy to stumble upon this post. I had a date with a guy I met on an online website this past Friday. We exchanged numbers a week and a half prior to the date and were contacting each other everyday leading up to the date. Phone calls and texting! Well, the date went really well! Great conversation and constant laughing. The night was ending and we kissed and said goodnight to each other and made sure we both made it home safe with the “good night babe” text. The next day I didn’t here from him. I usually get the good morning text. I got nothing! So I decided to reach out with a text at 5pm to say: “hey, how’s your day going?” I didn’t get a response! I normally received responses from him very promptly! I knew something wasn’t right. So, on Sunday I decided to do something I’ve never done before. I decided to ask for an explanation as to why I haven’t heard from him since our date. I actually phrased the text as ” hey there, unusual I haven’t heard from you since Friday. Did I say something? Or was my personality off putting?” Well, I got my prompt response. Apparently, he’s not ready to date. Huge blow to me because I really enjoyed his company and thought he enjoyed mine! I’m glad I got the closure I felt I deserved.

  3. Gabby Yeargain
    November 28, 2014

    A to the MEN!!! YES! We deserve way more! And we don’t just deserve a candy coated excuse of “oh it is not just a good time for me.” I am all for the raw truth. No guessing game because when that happens it makes us women feel like we screwed up somehow. Men, they just can’t make women feel like that.

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