The Single Woman’s Dash of Sass: Why “He’s Just Not That Into You” Lets Men Off the Hook Too Easily…
Quote of the Day:
“If the guy you’re dating doesn’t seem to be completely into you, or you feel the need to start ‘figuring him out,’ please consider the glorious thought that he might just not be that into you. And then free yourself to go find someone that is.” ~Greg Behrendt
The Single Woman Says:
We are the “He’s Just Not That Into You” generation. We’ve heard it, we’re read it, we’ve lived it. Most of us even own the movie. So the whole concept is not new to us. We get it. We’re on board. We can’t argue with Greg Behrendt’s hard-hitting logic. It just makes good sense.
But lately I’ve been thinking about the fact that although this logic stands true and cannot be denied, it seems like the whole theory and idea of “He’s Just Not That Into You” lets the guy off pretty easy. As ladies, we are the ones who are required to “assume rejection first” and allow the man to slither off unnoticed and unharmed while we struggle with the pain and confusion of the rejection. All the while, they are off the hook and unscathed while we beat our heads up against the wall and ask ourselves “What did I do WRONG to make him ‘just not that into me’?” It just doesn’t seem fair. Don’t we deserve an explanation? Isn’t saying “men hate confrontation and will go to any length to avoid it, so just accept the unspoken fact that he’s just not that into you and let him go about his day?” accepting full responsibility FOR the man instead of asking him to step up and explain himself? I feel like that’s one of the major problems between men and women today – we don’t call them to a higher standard, so they don’t RISE to a higher standard. It’s easy to chalk his shady behavior up to “Oh, he just wasn’t feeling me” and never text or call or communicate with him ever again…but when we do that, aren’t we saying it’s okay for a man to just disappear off the face of the earth? Aren’t we giving them permission to hurt us and confuse us and walk away from us without explanation? Don’t we DESERVE an explanation?!?
I say we do. I say it’s time to stop letting men off the hook. I think as women, we are so terrified to be dubbed “psycho” or “crazy” that we often don’t ask for the respect that we deserve. It’s not crazy to ask a man to explain himself. It’s not crazy to have a certain level of expectation that a man who once seemed to care about you will at least tell you WHY he’s running for the hills before he puts on his running shoes. And it can even help you in future relationships, to know what went wrong in THIS one. Maybe it’s something you can work on. Or maybe it’s nothing about you at all. But either way, you deserve clarity, and you deserve closure, so don’t be afraid to ask for it. Remember: If they treat you like a game, it’s up to YOU to show them how it’s played.