The Single Woman’s Dash of Sass: Do You Miss HIM? Or the IDEA of Him???

Quotes of the Day:

“There’s a difference between loving the idea of someone and actually loving who they really are.” ~Elizabeth Burke

“So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, and then drop it. You’re just afraid to let go of the last bits of him because then you’ll be really alone, and you’re scared to death of what will happen if you’re really alone. But here’s what you gotta understand. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you’re using right now to obsess about this guy, you’ll have a vacuum there, an open spot, a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with that doorway? It will rush in–God will rush in–and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using that guy to block that door. Let it go.” ~Eat Pray Love

The Single Woman Says:

I was watching an episode of “How I Met Your Mother” the other night (I’m obsessed with that show) and it was all about the importance of letting go of the “idea” of someone. You know…we all do it…cling to the distant thought that SOMEDAY in the distant future, it might work out with that distant person who we’ve always had unspoken chemistry with. Or that ex might come back around and realize how stupid he was to ever let us go. Or that guy at work that we’ve been passing in the hall every day for six months but haven’t yet worked up the courage to talk to might FINALLY ask us out. As I was watching the episode, I began to feel very evolved and even a little smug about the fact that I don’t have anyone whose “idea” I’m obsessing over. And just as I was mere moments away from throwing a party in my own honor, marking my emotional maturity, it hit me: “Mandy, you are still clinging to the IDEA of your Mr. Big.” Ah. Yes. My Mr. Big. That character that keeps popping up in my life every once in awhile just to keep me “on the hook.” As much as I would like to think I have let HIM go…I still haven’t let the IDEA of him go. And it’s virtually impossible to catch the fish in the sea that’s meant for YOU if you’re constantly stuck on someone else’s hook. How do you stay stuck? By clinging to the “idea” of someone. We can spend days, months, even years allowing the IDEA of someone to hold us captive. We treat relationships as security blankets, feeling safe in the knowledge that we won’t really end up alone as long as we have the IDEA of that elusive person…the hope that they might one day see the light…the slim chance that they might come around and realize how “meant to be” we truly are. But you know what happens with security blankets, right? Eventually they smother the person we’re meant to become.

The problem with the “idea” of someone is this: That idea rarely ever becomes a reality. And beyond that: The idea of someone good can actually block you from the reality of someone better. You might be clinging to the ghost of one guy and missing out on the flesh and blood dream guy staring you right in the face!

Today I urge you to take inventory of your emotional reserves. Are there any IDEAS from the past that you’re clinging to that are keeping you from the REALITIES of the here and now? Let them go! When you do, the space you’ll free up will act as an invitation to the love, relationships, and opportunities that are meant for you. Because while it’s true what they say: There’s no stopping an idea whose time has come…there’s also no starting an idea whose time has GONE. Let it go.



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